Nooooooo,  fuck shit cocksucker!

I wasn't paying attention and fully opened the lid of the white pepper shaker instead of just opening that top part with the little holes in it and accidentally dumped way too much white pepper onto my fried rice. Omg, it ended up being a sucess too...............except that it's got so much white pepper in it now that it's fucking spicy, which isn't necessarily a bad thing, but it's a white pepper spicy, which means that it tastes weird now. 

Welcome to the first day of Butterbattle's Cooking Corner! (or BBCC for short)

Since this is the first day, I've got to make something ridiculously simple so no one has to call the fire department. I'm asian, so I guess we'll start with some white rice. If I can't cook white rice with stir fried stuff, I might as well lose my asian card.

Yay. I hope I put the right amount of water in there.

When I was a little kid (5 or 6), I remember that I loved stir fried eggs and tomatoes. The juice from the tomatoes gave the eggs a subtle sweet flavor that I liked. Plus, it was so easy that my mom could cook it without messing it up. So, let's go with that.

I think I did pretty good job cutting the tomatoes. Although, I didn't keep the pieces together, so when I tried to cut it the other way, there was a bit of struggle. 

And that's that......except, having only white rice and eggs and tomatoes feels bland somehow. Soooooooo

Turkey bacon! It's not a full meal until I've murdered an animal after all.

I just bought vegetable oil. I have a vague concept of some health conscious people in the back of head telling me I should've gotten the expensive olive oil, but....whatever.

Well now.....this feels very awkward. How do I even begin this post? 

Um, so as you all know, I'm butterbattle (pst, not my real name).

I love food: sushi, curry, pork ribs, McDonald's, squid ink pasta, blood pudding, fried crickets, anything and everything. I like to think that I have an extremely wide palate and have eaten far more types of food in far more countries than my fair share. However, even though I love food, I don't know how to cook, which is a sad sad thing. I have identified two main reasons for this. 1) My parents never taught me how to cook. When I was younger, I felt bad that I never learned enough from my parents. As I got older though, I realized that they never made much of an effort to teach me things. Also, I gradually discovered that my mom is actually pretty shitty at cooking.  2) I've never had my own kitchen as an adult. I'm in the military, and I've been mostly living in the barracks up to this point.

But, a few weeks ago, I moved into my own apartment, and, for the first time ever, I have my own kitchen and a comfortable paycheck. Ergo, no more excuses; I can't just blame shit on my parents. I'm going to start cooking.

Today, I'm 19 years old, and I attend the University of Washington, Seattle, majoring in physics.

I grew up in a non-religious household (not counting the government), so while I never believed in God, I never considered myself an atheist until I was older. When I was 16, I was emotionally swindled and had theistic thoughts for a while (I tried praying), but other than that, I've been an atheist my entire life. When I debate with people with a different perspective, I always try to be respectful and understand their position, but I often discover that I have a rather short fuse.

My username is a reference to The Butter Battle Book by Dr. Seuss, not South Park. However, if you want to continue reading my posts with Butter's voice in your head, you have my permission to do so, because that's awesome.

I've now spent exponentially more time on this forum than any other forum I've ever visited, and I'll most likely stick around a lot longer. I really like it here. The discussions are interesting and informative, and the people on this forum are extremely intelligent. Heck, I even love the layout. 

Yup, that's pretty much everything I wanted to say. Carry on.

Jay