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The Lamest Story Ever Told

Posted on: March 22, 2008 - 11:03pm

metamorph

Posts: 2

Joined: 2007-11-27

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The Lamest Story Ever Told

The Lamest Story Ever Told

God sat around on his ass for an eternity;
then, for kicks, decided to create life, but
contrived to do it in such a way that all
evidence pointed to it happening all by
itself. A few billion years later, he thought
it might be nice to reveal himself to the
larger brained of his creation, so he
motivated several politcal propagandists
in different parts of the world to write
various and contradictory stories about
him. The results didn't seem to suit him,
so he broke off a piece of himself, called
that piece his son, then implanted him
in the womb of a virgin living in some
backwater suburb of the Roman Empire.
The son made some big promises that
never really panned out, then threated
everybody with torture if they didn't believe
him. Some folks didn't like this, so they
hung him up on a cross in front of his
dad, who decided in his omnipotence
not to do anything about it. Later, the
son woke up in his grave, walked around
town for a little while, spoke to a few
people, then floated back up into the clouds,
where he awaits with his dad to pronounce
judgement on all of us after we die. Of
course, nobody was actually around writing
this stuff down, so all we have are more
contradictory stories written down by folks
who supposedly heard about this stuff. Only,
we don't really have their accounts, either;
rather, we have stories about the stories
about the stories, invented and collected
by even later propagandists who discovered
a way to make money from the whole deal,
and who named their business 'Christianity'.
In summation: The Easter Bunny rules!
Whoooooooooooooooooooooooooo!

Posted on: March 22, 2008 - 11:27pm #1

ronin-dog

Posts: 419

Joined: 2007-10-18

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That about sums it up.What

That about sums it up.

What if god, in his mysterious ways, created all of the different religions with their extremely obvious flaws in order to test humans? Sort out the wheat from the chaff? In other words, maybe you pass if you say that it's all a load of crap and reject it.

Zen-atheist wielding Occam's katana.

Jesus said, "Suppose ye that I am come to give peace on earth? I tell you, Nay; but rather division." - Luke 12:51

Posted on: March 22, 2008 - 11:34pm #2

LovE-RicH

Posts: 183

Joined: 2007-01-18

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This story rules. I will

This story rules. I will tell it to my kids when I have them just the way you told it. Smiling

Posted on: March 23, 2008 - 12:02am #3

Cpt_pineapple

Posts: 5492

Joined: 2007-04-12

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Lamest topic ever created.

Posted on: March 23, 2008 - 5:13am #4

Loc

Posts: 1130

Joined: 2007-11-06

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Cpt_pineapple wrote:Lamest

Cpt_pineapple wrote:

Lamest topic ever created.

Wettest blanket ever posted.

Posted on: March 23, 2008 - 6:42am #5

ProzacDeathWish

Posts: 4149

Joined: 2007-12-02

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Loc wrote: Wettest blanket

Loc wrote:

Wettest blanket ever posted.

Ba-Zing !

Posted on: March 23, 2008 - 10:12pm #6

DamnDirtyApe

Posts: 666

Joined: 2008-02-15

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Loc wrote:Cpt_pineapple

Loc wrote:

Cpt_pineapple wrote:
Lamest topic ever created.
Wettest blanket ever posted.

And Sailor Moon is for pedophiles.

"The whole conception of God is a conception derived from ancient Oriental despotisms. It is a conception quite unworthy of free men."
--Bertrand Russell

Posted on: March 23, 2008 - 11:18pm #7

darth_josh

Posts: 2650

Joined: 2006-02-27

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Cpt_pineapple wrote:Lamest

Cpt_pineapple wrote:

Lamest topic ever created.

No. That would be this one:

I want an avatar

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Posted on: March 23, 2008 - 11:27pm #8

Cpt_pineapple

Posts: 5492

Joined: 2007-04-12

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darth_josh

darth_josh wrote:

Cpt_pineapple wrote:
Lamest topic ever created.
No. That would be this one:
I want an avatar

Are you stalking me or something?

Creepy....

Posted on: March 24, 2008 - 1:37am #9

darth_josh

Posts: 2650

Joined: 2006-02-27

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Cpt_pineapple

Cpt_pineapple wrote:

darth_josh wrote:
Cpt_pineapple wrote:
Lamest topic ever created.
No. That would be this one:
I want an avatar

Are you stalking me or something?

Creepy....

Merely remembering old topics in reference to individuals is not stalking. Specifically, topics regarding their past judgment as to what criteria need be met for 'lame topics'. You have others in my oh-so-humble opinion. However, I had something relevant to the one I referenced. lol.

Atheist Books, purchases on Amazon support the Rational Response Squad server, which houses Celebrity Atheists.