Drive-by Conversion
Offline Something that has been bothering me ever since I began driving between Alabama and Florida is the amount of ridiculous signs meant to guilt or intimidate people into going to church. I actually know I'm getting close to home in Alabama when I pass a very well made sign (has words and an image that actually pop off the sign. Very classy.) that says "Go to church or the devil will get you!" with a little red guy holding a pitchfork. Less well done is an insane amount of wooden signs, written on in paint, and nailed to trees all along the roads I take from Troy to Panama City Beach. I go pretty fast on those roads but all of them say different things, such as "Follow Jesus! You need him in your life!" (paraphrasing). There has to be at least 200 of those signs, on each side of the road, too.
Who the hell has that kind of spare time?! And money?! I assume they're more designed for people with waning beliefs or those that believe but don't make going to church a priority. I've always laughed at them, just like I do bumper stickers telling me to follow Jesus, but they've started to bother me. Does anyone putting up these advertisements, whether it's on their car or in their yard or on an innocent little tree, really believe I am going to drive by, read a little sign telling me to follow their deity, and go "Oh shit, they're right. I've been perfectly happy in my atheism and have found no merit in the claims of any religion but...the tree has the right idea. I need to get my life back on track!" That just doesn't happen! Especially bumper stickers! Say a soccer mom in a minivan cuts me off in traffic. Do they think that I'm going to read her "FOLLOW JESUS LOLOLOLOL" bumper sticker and stop yelling, throw out my cigarette, and start praying? Ridiculous.
Rant over. Feel free to move to another section. o.o
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I've been trying to talk atheists into sending me 10% of their income for years. I promise, if they start doing that, I'll have plenty of time to put signs by the road.
Yes. It's a commonly held belief in this little third world part of the U.S. that all a Christian is responsible for is "planting the seed." (That's different than when Catholic priests say the same thing...) Once a Christian has said the magic words, the Holy Spirit starts bouncing around on your heart strings until you give in to the blackmail. It's a good scheme.
On the other hand, those with IQs above the median for Alabama (which, I'd guess is a good 5 points lower than most states) know that the perception of religion being everywhere is useful. Whether an individual sign convinces you is not relevant. After you live there a couple of years, you'll realize that everybody believes in god, then you'll join the church. So goes the theory, anyway. It must work. 47% of Alabamians claim to be fundamentalists.
Atheism isn't a lot like religion at all. Unless by "religion" you mean "not religion". --Ciarin
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Probably more the indoctrination from birth that makes the rate of fundies here so high. And my parents wonder why I haven't made a huge effort to meet people here. The ones I have met at some point try to convert me. =/
I'm just glad I drive fast enough past those signs that the holy spirit can't catch up and my heart remains hardened to the word of the lord. *roll eyes*
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Many years ago, I made a pact with myself that I would simply stay out of Alabama. Then I got sent there on business. While driving towards Huntsville, I got to experience:
- fundy roadsigns even worse than the billboards from God you see in Michigan.
- all-talk, FM, Christian radio station.
- a picture of the flag with the stars replaced by crosses.
My next un-goal (or whatever you'd call a resolution NOT to do something) is to stay out of Mississippi, Arkansas, West Virginia and South Carolina. I've heard they're in some ways worse.
--
maybe if this sig is witty, someone will love me.
I was standing on the corner when a woman waved me over to her car. I thought she needed directions so I followed. She rolled down the window and handed me a tract.
I actually just returned from the US and drove down almost the whole length of the I-5 from Vancouver to Pasadena and back, and was assessing the religiosity of the states I passed (Washington, Oregon, California) as a measure of "sign density". So, the more Jesus signs I passed, the higher the Jesus-sign density, and hence, the greater the religiosity. Some of the signs I considered prima facie evidence that Christians really are from another planet. "Jesus will come quickly". (I'm pretty sure there are drugs for that now) I almost crashed, I was laughing so hard. On the whole, I suppose, it wasn't too bad. The sign density I assessed for the whole of California was 5. I expected worse.
"Physical reality” isn’t some arbitrary demarcation. It is defined in terms of what we can systematically investigate, directly or not, by means of our senses. It is preposterous to assert that the process of systematic scientific reasoning arbitrarily excludes “non-physical explanations” because the very notion of “non-physical explanation” is contradictory.
-Me
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This reminds me of the funniest intimidation, or in this case, peer pressure, bumper sticker I've seen: "Real Mean Love Jesus". After reading it I had a single thought: "Jesus was must not have been a real man since he did not love himself."
" Why does God always got such wacky shit to say? . . . When was the last time you heard somebody say 'look God told me to get a muffin and a cup tea and cool out man'?" - Dov Davidoff
Jesus will come quickly.
I picture some biker slut he picked up in a bar - "Dammit Jesus, couldn't you hold it the fuck in just a little longer?"
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Ironically enough, the only Atheist organization I've been able to find in Alabama met in Huntsville. I wanted to go to one of their coffee meeting things but driving 2 hours for coffee at 7 AM...I'll just worship no gods at home and get on these forums when I wake up.
I've seen a few "Real Men Love Jesus" stickers and always get a twinge from my gaydar...something about men kneeling and proclaiming their love for a guy just doesn't seem completely hetero to me. Not that I'm against homosexuals or anything (though they most likely are). I really need to move up north =/ Or maybe to Canada/England.
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How many times have I heard that. It's christian speak for "Ya we totally got served, so we'll make some excuse about winning not being our objective.' So telling someone about jesus will plant the seed and lead to them getting saved? Then shouldn't everybody whose ever heard it be christian?
Psalm 14:1 "the fool hath said in his heart there is a God"-From a 1763 misprinted edition of the bible
Argument from Sadism: Theist presents argument in a wall of text with no punctuation and wrong spelling. Atheist cannot read and is forced to concede.
I think the "seed" idea keeps going because it seems to work when someone who hasn't been exposed to a huge church rally is brought in and sees all the zombies, doesn't recognize them for what they are, and promptly gets their brain eaten.
Er, wait, I think that metaphor got away from me a little. Replace "zombies" with "happy people" and "brain eaten" with "holy spirit on." Hmm, still a little wrong. . .
10% of my income is all it takes. I have been thinking, who to donate all my extra cash to. I have been trying to get more hours at work. 50 hours a week just doesn't seem like enough. I've had too much time on my hands to sit in on these conversations. So where do I send my 10%. And I though babble belt was in the South, now I hear it is spreading worse than a forest fire.