Intelligent Falling (from the Onion)
Things fall not because they are acted upon by some gravitational force, but because a higher intelligence, God if you will, is pushing them down. Gravity—which is taught to our children as a law—is founded on great gaps in understanding. The laws predict the mutual force between all bodies of mass, but they cannot explain that force. Isaac Newton himself said, "I suspect that my theories may all depend upon a force for which philosophers have searched all of nature in vain." Of course, he is alluding to a higher power. There are many phenomena that cannot be explained by secular gravity alone, including such mysteries as how angels fly, how Jesus ascended into Heaven, and how Satan fell when cast out of Paradise. This is why I am calling for public-school curriculums to give equal time to the Intelligent Falling theory. I am not necessarily asking that the theory of gravity be banned from schools, but only that students be offered both sides of the issue so they can make an informed decision.
Let's take a look at the evidence: In Matthew 15:14, Jesus says, "And if the blind lead the blind, both shall fall into the ditch." He says nothing about some gravity making them fall—just that they will fall. Then, in Job 5:7, we read, "But mankind is born to trouble, as surely as sparks fly upwards." If gravity is pulling everything down, why do the sparks fly upwards with great surety? This clearly indicates that a conscious intelligence governs all falling.
The point is, closed-minded gravitists cannot find a way to make Einstein's general relativity match up with the subatomic quantum world. They've been trying to do it for the better part of a century now, and despite all their empirical observation and carefully compiled data, they still don't know how. Traditional scientists admit that they cannot explain how gravitation is supposed to work. What the gravity-agenda scientists need to realize is that 'gravity waves' and 'gravitons' are just secular words for 'God can do whatever He wants.'
Anti-falling physicists have been theorizing for decades about the 'electromagnetic force,' the 'weak nuclear force,' the 'strong nuclear force,' and so-called 'force of gravity, and they tilt their findings toward trying to unite them into one force. But readers of the Bible have already known for millennia what this one, unified force is: His name is Jesus.
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"Very funny Scotty; now beam down our clothes."
VEGETARIAN: Ancient Hindu word for "lousy hunter"
If man was formed from dirt, why is there still dirt?
have you ever heard of the Onion? or the word 'satire'?
"His name is Jesus." ??? ???
Jesus said "ONE" .... SIMPLE
TAO: The God that can be told
is not the eternal God.
The name that can be named
is not the eternal God.
Life, as we know it, is to be in AWE !
Atheism Books.
This is actually kind of old.
I love the Onion and am surprised there is an atheist among us who hasn't heard of it considering it's been around since like the 20's or so.
The Onion News Network is the best though, so many laughs...
It is said the great ones catch teardrops in their hands.
I think you will find that FSMism explains the downward push of gravity. that is why he is obviously the one true God. He has many noodly appendages, much better suited to pushing things down than just two hands.
Never heard of the Onion though.
Zen-atheist wielding Occam's katana.
Jesus said, "Suppose ye that I am come to give peace on earth? I tell you, Nay; but rather division." - Luke 12:51