Thinking about suicide
Offline I need to tell somebody about my problems or I think I might do it this time, and since I don't have any friends and my parents are not very kind toward homosexuals, I thought I might talk about them here, since I know that many people here are intelligent and kind, I thought you might be able to help me.
So, I don't like myself, my body is very weak and very thin, I have asthma and far too many allergies, all I see is blur without my glasses, and I feel happy and good when I imagine myself murdering something, be it an animal or a complete stranger.
At my school, classes are getting more and more difficult, I can barely understand them, and the only thing I'm good at is drawing, and not as good as other talented people around my age.
But my biggest problems are, that, as I said, above, my parents aren't very accepting of homosexuals and bisexuals, and surprisingly, I'm bi, and I can't tell them because I know what their reaction will be, and that when my grandpa, and then my grandma died, two people I thought I loved, I felt nothing.
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Ok, please contact me if what you wrote is serious. I can very much relate to what you are going through. I'm 30 now but when I was a teenager I was pretty much in your shoes, about size, sexuality and abilities. I know where you are bro. I'm here for you, so hit me up. My email is [email protected] Really, you're not alone.
What's the difference between Texas and Saudi Arabia? In Texas they execute you for murder, in Saudi Arabia they excecute you for having a Xmass tree.
Emotional pain sucks. I dont think there is anyone here who hasn't suffered it to some degree. I have thought about it myself too. But, I havent because of all the moments after that thought and then think I am glad I didn't.
No one can tell you what to do and certainly your pain is unique to you. But if you think pain is your monopoly, take a number. Everyone has a bad day. I know I do. And as old as I am the only lagit reason I could see taking myself out now, would not be over something as trival as emotions. I better have terminal cancer or be living under a theocracy. Other than that, I know people don't like me and so the fuck what?
I made it this far because I finally realize that other people's hangups about me are theirs, not mine. Is life a bed of roses? NO! But it doesn't have to be the end just because you feel alone. I have felt alone many times and that is not a good reason to check out.
"We are a nation of Christians and Muslims, Jews and Hindus -- and nonbelievers."Obama
Check out my poetry here on Rational Responders Like my poetry thread on Facebook under Brian James Rational Poet, @Brianrrs37 on Twitter and my blog at www.brianjamesrationalpoet.blog
That fact that you are asking for help is a positive sign.
Professional counseling certainly couldn't make things any worse so maybe look into that right away.
Bummer. All the good advise will not pull us out of depression unless we drag our selves to action to change our attitude. I try to remember in tough times that I am not alone in my depression, that many many feel as I do, and worse. Then hopefully I follow my own advise thru compassion I would offer those like me. Be your own doctor, and seek help of others, as you would best prescribe to those as yourself. Don't fall prey to the social general standards of the majority.
In my early twentys I was way depressed for like 3 yrs, which finally passed. The details are to much to type now, but maybe I'll explain more later about that long bummer of mine ..... I'm 57 now.
Keep aware of the many many people of the world who really consider you way lucky. Realize depression is also a sign of being rational about the very real sorry side of the world. Depression is often a sign of deep insight and genius. Mom would say to me, "you cry because you are lucky enough to care and feel deeply. Your tears are a blessing" .....
Ever notice how most can get a perfect score on a simple how to live a healthy life test, yet fail to live so ???
Try and dream and imagine and focus and expand on the simple things you most enjoy. I like cooking and looking at nature for example. I like "preaching" atheism.
How many attentive lovers would cheer you up? What do you want?
Atheism Books.
Thanks, if I'm still like this tomorow, I probably will.
I certainly don't delude myself into believing that my pain is unique, but that doesn't male it any less painful.
I understand what would be the rational thing to do, but suicide is primary a matter of emotions, not rationality.
I don't care what other people think of me.
I know, but sometimes the problems become overwelming, if it was just loneliness I could manage, but it's all the problems that add up and make me despair.
Thanks for the advice.
Actually, when I was at a similar point in my life to where you are now, that was when I fell in for evangelical Christianity. My church first and foremost provided me with what I at the time considered a new hope and a purpose in life.
So give yourself some credit! At least you have enough sense NOT to eat that up and become a religious drone. That is an achievement, at least from one perspective.
I know things are tough and the mounting problems around you cloud the judgement and perspective, but you can't lose sight of what's ahead. I don't know you so it's hard to speak of specific things here, but all I can say is hang in there, and if you have any specific questions or just wanna let it out ....
What's the difference between Texas and Saudi Arabia? In Texas they execute you for murder, in Saudi Arabia they excecute you for having a Xmass tree.
Thank you, I will if I feel like talking or venting.
Just remember, once you hit the off switch you cant reverse it. I don't because no matter how crappy things have gotten for me, I can allways find others who have it worse. My pain may be unique only in that I have a unique perception as an individual, but If I ever think I have had the worst day as a human being I am fooling myself along with billions of others.
Ann Frank had a reason to check herself out. Women living under the Taliban forced to wear burkas against their will, have more of a reason. The fact that my neighbor doesnt like that I don't believe in his fiction, or that my mom and I have always had a ying yang relationship would seem to be a drop in the bucket compaired to the pain of others.
It sucks when others don't understand you or even when you dont undestand yourself. It sucks when you think you don't have what you think you should have, or arn't where you think you should be. Most of that problem is because we compair ourselves to others instead of accepting ourselves first.
"We are a nation of Christians and Muslims, Jews and Hindus -- and nonbelievers."Obama
Check out my poetry here on Rational Responders Like my poetry thread on Facebook under Brian James Rational Poet, @Brianrrs37 on Twitter and my blog at www.brianjamesrationalpoet.blog
This is the part that I can relate to. My grandma died just a week ago (or was it two weeks? I can never tell time correctly when it's more than 3 days but less than a month) at a tender age of 92, and I didn't feel anything either when I found out. I still don't. Yet, I know that I did love her very much, and it was the same when my other grandma died about 2 years ago.
My reason for this, I think, is because I've fully accepted death, not as something bad, but as something necessary. There may be a different reason why you didn't feel anything, but my point is just that it's okay not to feel anything. It doesn't mean you didn't love them, not at all. I see it as a good thing anyway, because I don't want to feel sad, and I wouldn't want anyone to feel sad just because I croaked, either. Would you? So don't beat yourself up because of that.
I think that if you still feel like committing suicide tomorrow, I too think you should seek professional help. I wish I could give any better advice myself, but they're there to help people in your situation.
"Nobody will ever win the battle of the sexes. There's too much fraternizing with the enemy."
Personal opinions change, bodies can be changed, asthma can be disposed of, allergies can be controlled, eye sight can be fixed... work though it, or dont, your body... not mine, effort bro... effort
Perfectly natural... not a day goes by when i dont think of killing some one
High school right? eh, pretty soon its gonna be over... then you can go off and do all the crap you wanna do, just have to stick with it long enough.
... So why bother telling them at all? I fail to see how you parents should be involved in your sex life... ever
... congratulations on being spared from months of mental and emotion anguish?
Look, im far from the kindest person... anywhere >.> I tells it likes i thinks it. Personally, i just think you need some self reflection, on how to "correct" your life to your suiting, then get crackin, or wallow in self pity till you finally try to off yourself. Now, if i were you, i'd be vary wary of going to any phsyciatrist or "proffessional" help... doing so can really fuck up certain future proffesions you might have in mind, not to mention police records and "suicide watch"... but who knows, you might get some trippy M&M's out of the deal.
Adapt or Die, your choice
but in the words of George Carlin... Suicide, a permanent solution, to a temporary problem
Edit; Oblivion gonna pass on this link for a tv series... tell us if anything is eerily familiar between you and the main character
http://www.free-tv-video-online.info/internet/dexter/
What Would Kharn Do?
http://suicidehotlines.com/
Again, you're not alone. I'd wager a lot of us have had, or are having, similar experiences. I got through my school years on nothing but bloody-minded spite.
Religion is a virus.
Fight the infection.
Dude, I know what you mean about feeling like its never going to get better, My X-wife came out to me last Jan. as a lesbian (we were married at the time), you will have your bad days and good days trust me, just try and live through the bad days, talk to someone if you can and as time goes on it will get better I promise you that.
I hope you feel better. I struggle with depression a lot. I have 4 attempts under my belt now and spent 2 weeks in November in intensive care and the psych ward. From what I can tell from my attempts, it's very difficult to kill a human being if you don't have access to guns or serious toxins.
Matt Shizzle has been banned from the Rational Response Squad website. This event shall provide an atmosphere more conducive to social growth. - Majority of the mod team
The point is not that its difficult to kill, there are thousand ways, even empty syringe will do. It's just that even those who think they want to die, don't really do.
Even if your body is about to be ripped to part, don't be afraid. If you will be at peace with yourself - you could do anything you want. By imagining to kill somebody you just want to release that anger that was kept inside. But if you really do kill somebody, i couldn't care less, most of the people on the face of the earth are just worthless nobodies.
And if your parent's won't accept who you are then fuck em, you don't need people like that.
Thank you people about your advice, I'm feeling a lot better today, I think "telling" you about myproblems and reading your advice has helped me a lot .
I don't have time to reply to your responses now, but I probably will later.
Edit: Never mind
Depression/anxiety/stress sucks some major zebra balls! I know first-hand how it has affected me. I haven't been "machine-tested" yet, but my fairly 'accurate' diagnosis is social anxiety/depression/occasion low-frustration-tolerance/occasional selective listening (A.D.D.) & some of the personality disorders. I'm on one SSRI & one atypical anti-psychotic pill - been on these fuckers for at least 10 years now. I'm trying desparately to get off of 'em. In retrospect, I wish I started off on all-natural stuff like: Rhodiala rosea, fish oil (omega 3), ample amounts of vitamin B complex, magnesium, 5HTP, tyrosine, etc. On that note, I found a pretty cool website on just about every ailment under the sun: www.earthclinic.com.
But, unfortunately, I just had to start out on prescription shit! Luckily, the atypical antipsychotic pill helps me sleep at night, so I don't have to worry about taking something like valerian root or some facsimile. I guess it's true of the adage: "If only I knew then what I know now"; but what are ya gonna do?
You may want to see if it runs in your family (the genetic component). I know it runs in mine (especially on my mom's side of the family). Hope this helps!
"Eskimo: "If I did not know about God & sin, would I go to hell?" Priest: "No, not if you did not know." Eskimo: "Then why did you tell me?!" - Annie Dillard quote
"Religion is what keeps the poor from killing the rich". - Napoleon
Jesus didn't ride a donkey don't ya know, he rode an Apotasaurus!
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I'm correcting my mistake: It's Rhodiola (not Rhodiala).
That's a very strange list of anti-depression medications to say the least. The idea that any will help you is very dubious. Tyrosine, for example, is a non-essential amino acid synthesized entirely by the body. The manufacture of tyrosine is under the control of a genetic feedback loop according to cellular needs, meaning that as a supplement, it would have precisely no effect on anything. You don't need to take it and it is very hard to see how it would help with depression.
"Physical reality” isn’t some arbitrary demarcation. It is defined in terms of what we can systematically investigate, directly or not, by means of our senses. It is preposterous to assert that the process of systematic scientific reasoning arbitrarily excludes “non-physical explanations” because the very notion of “non-physical explanation” is contradictory.
-Me
Books about atheism
Hey man,
Sorry to hear about your problems.
There's a National Gay Lesbian Bisexual Transgender Help Center with a toll-free hotline that offers support for people with questions about bisexuality and coming-out issues in case you need a real voice to talk to.
Their number is 1-888-843-4564
They also have a website. Check it out at www.GLBTNationalHelpCenter.org
If they can't answer your questions they can direct you to somebody who can.
Rick
Frosty's coming back someday. Will you be ready?
RickRebel, I don't really think there is anything they can help me with, since I know the reaction my parents will probably have, but thanks for telling me.
Those examples weren't "medications" per se. They are supplements to allegedly foster improvement of anxiety/depression symptoms. As far as those supplements being beneficial, there have been documents of them being beneficial. Will they work on ALL people? I think that's obvious they won't. But, I think the phrase "don't knock it 'til ya try it" is quite appropriate for 1st-timers. Psychotherapy (CBT, REBT, etc.) CAN have even more possitive impact than supplements though.
Jesus didn't ride a donkey don't ya know, he rode an Apotasaurus!
www.flickr.com/photos/58362611@N00/431306643/
Try sporting, or any kind of physical activity, as your astma allows you. I know, it's an awful self-torturing effort, but it's very helpful when battling the depression and recommended by doctors.
Don't be ashamed of your thinness - it's certainly less looked down upon by society, than being fat, in your age. When you think that you're too thin - think about gigantic masses of half-liquid blubber, trembling every time you make a step, which you luckily don't have. See some pictures of really fat people, if it helps.
When you want to hurt or kill someone, then find some comfortable way to do so, Soldier of Fortune, Grand Theft Auto, boxing sack, a straw dummy, glass bottles in a junkyard...just a big hammer and you. And if you're a really sick fuck, try Postal 1 or 2, eventually the 2's multiplayer 'Share the pain', which was released as freeware. For me, it works perfectly, I'm just a bit more peaceful, so I play mainly turn-based freeware RPGs with simple graphics, so the violence there isn't that realistic.
As for the classes, do you like the area of study you have? Or it's a general, grammar school, with various baloney you won't ever need? Or maths?
Several of my relatives died (great-grandmother, grandpa, uncle, second grandpa, grand-aunt, and so on, as far as I remember) but unsurprisingly, I felt nothing too. I think it's normal to not mourn for a death, well, it's certainly normal for me, because I studied the reincarnation. Mourning for a dead person is for me like mourning, that someone stopped riding on a dead horse, as the Indian proverb says. I can't want anyone to ride on a horse, once it's dead, right?
Imagine it like that - if your life is awful, and you commit a suicide, you will never have a chance to change it. You may be dead, but all the people alive will remember you no less perfect than you always was. (though your parents maybe will describe you as a saint, to get others' compassion ) It's no big deal to get born with a lot of problems, but it's a great virtue to solve them and die more perfected. Every dumbass can commit a suicide, the only thing they need is a belief, that they will feel any better, when they will be dead.
Well, according to my "belief" (I don't think it's a belief, but I can't prove it's validity, so we may call it like that) a suicide wouldn't solve anything, I would just have to face a similar problem in next life + growing up and learning a basic hygienic habits again. Suicide is wasting a time, which you need to face the inevitable challenges of life. It's not even fashionable anymore, since Emos patented this act. You don't want to be labelled as Emo post mortem, I hope, your problems are real!
Btw, yeah, it's true that parents shouldn't be involved in a sexual life of their children. ( except for leaving the house as often as possible) It's better keep your mouth shut about your bisexuality in front of your parents, until you get more independent. But you can say some points, if you feel safe enough. I mean, like that absurd idea that other people needs my acceptance for what they do with their bodies in their free time...
Many good atheists learned to differ a belief from a person, who has it. They can despise the religion and dogma, but they still may love and respect the believer him/herself. I don't say that I'd like to be a bisexual, if yes, I'd already be one, but I know that's not a choice. And it's just a sexuality - it makes no real difference for who the person is, except of what they do in bed.
Beings who deserve worship don't demand it. Beings who demand worship don't deserve it.
Thinking about suicide, I have been in your situation before, but I didn't have suicidal thoughts like you are having.
Look at the positive things about you. Don't agree what people say about you if they do. I honestly think DEATH is an amazing thing, is truly extraordinary in my opinion.
But you have to think, here read these lyrics by Billy Corgan.
THEY TALK ABOUT DEATH.I fear that I'm ordinary, just like everyone
To lie here and die among the sorrows
Adrift among the days
For everything I ever said
And everything I've ever done is gone and dead
As all things must surely have to end
And great lovers will one day have to part
I know that I am meant for this world
My life has been extraordinary
Blessed and cursed and won
Time heals but I'm forever broken
By and by the way...
Have you ever heard the words
I'm singing in these songs?
It's for the girl I've loved all along
Can a taste of love be so wrong
As all things must surely have to end
And great lovers will one day have to part
I know that I am meant for this world
And in my mind as I was floating
Far above the clouds
Some children laughed I'd fall for certain
For thinking that I'd last forever
But I knew exactly where I was
And I knew the meaning of it all
And I knew the distance to the sun
And I knew the echo that is love
And I knew the secrets in your spires
And I knew the emptiness of youth
And I knew the solitude of heart
And I knew the murmurs of the soul
And the world is drawn into your hands
And the world is etched upon your heart
And the world so hard to understand
Is the world you can't live without
And I knew the silence of the world.
ITS ALL, the behavior of humans.
I can't really think of anything to add that hasn't already been said. I will add my sympathies, however, and hope you start doing better.
Enlightened Atheist, Gaming God.