Love and the lonley atheist
Posted on: November 25, 2008 - 1:18am
Love and the lonley atheist
Is it better to admit to being an atheist in a personal ad, or be vague about your beliefs, and drop the A-Bomb on the first date?
Robert
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Religion or lack of religion isn't a primary concern for most people in the US, really. It's a detail that can wait for a question of a more committed relationship. There are other details of personality and whatnot that are more pressing (and interesting) for your first date.
"Anyone can repress a woman, but you need 'dictated' scriptures to feel you're really right in repressing her. In the same way, homophobes thrive everywhere. But you must feel you've got scripture on your side to come up with the tedious 'Adam and Eve not Adam and Steve' style arguments instead of just recognising that some people are different." - Douglas Murray
Follow your instincts that have worked for generations before you. Do whatever you got to do to get laid. You're just a damn dirty Ape anyways.
Taxation is the price we pay for failing to build a civilized society. The higher the tax level, the greater the failure. A centrally planned totalitarian state represents a complete defeat for the civilized world, while a totally voluntary society represents its ultimate success. --Mark Skousen
For me, I find that letting potential dates know about my atheism as soon as possible is a good thing. It weeds out all the people who would list themselves as "spiritual but not religious" who would get offended that I don't condone their lack of intestinal fortitude.
Then again, I'm an atheist activist, and couldn't possibly date a theist. In general, however, I strongly recommend against atheists dating theists. Dating tends to lead to fucking, and fucking has led to quite a few babies in the past. When people who disagree about religion make babies, it's usually bad for the baby and the parents.
To answer your question directly, it depends on how bad you want a date, and whether you're looking for a screw or a long term girlfriend/boyfriend. If you're just looking for something casual, you're probably better off just listing yourself as "prefer not to say" or "I'm not religious" or whatever non-threatening noncommittal response they give. Don't put "spiritual but not religious" unless you really are. You'll piss off a lot of girls that way. If you're looking for the love of your life, or at least the next few years, go ahead and put atheist. You're not doing anybody any favors by finding someone who's less than what you're looking for.
Atheism isn't a lot like religion at all. Unless by "religion" you mean "not religion". --Ciarin
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Books about atheism
I'd say it depends on where you live. I'm from Canada and whether or not I wrote down that I'm atheist wouldn't be an issue. I doubt most people would even give it a second glance, here it would really be your choice. If you're surrounded by fundies it might be a better idea to "prefer not to say". You wouldn't want any crazies calling you up to ask you on a date and then try to convert you. On the other hand if you refuse to date a theist it might be a good idea to state that you're an atheist so you don't have to wait for the first date to find out about them.
edit: after rereading my post I thought I should mention that I wrote the "crazies" bit half in jest. At least I hope you don't have to fear that sort of thing
Having been born and raised in the deep south, I have always considered religion a big deal. I have no desire to try forming a relationship with someone only to discover that we are going to argue over something repeatedly and heatedly. Knowing myself, we will argue about it. I had rather wish her a good night on the first date and never see her again rather than try to build a relationship while either tip-toeing around a subject or loudly clashing over it. I've seen firsthand how passionate, and violent, some people can be regarding their religion. I prefer my life to be mostly drama free. Along with if they have or want children ( I don't ), their religious beliefs are among the first things I enquire about.
I'm also not sure that this religious value is only a product of the south, either. My wife is atheist, but was raised in an Orthodox Jewish family from New York. Her sisters and cousins wouldn't even date non Jews, let alone consider marrying one. Even their friends are Jewish, and they too won't date or marry non Jews. Most of the Catholics I've met across the country won't date non Catholics either. So for a lot of people, not only does your belief matter, but apparently so does the flavor of your belief.
It takes a village to raise an idiot.
Save a tree, eat a vegetarian.
Sometimes " The Majority " only means that all the fools are on the same side.
I'm not bothered by mentioning my atheisim on the first date. I never mention my wife and kids but atheisim is A ok.
"Very funny Scotty; now beam down our clothes."
VEGETARIAN: Ancient Hindu word for "lousy hunter"
If man was formed from dirt, why is there still dirt?
I can't decide whether to laugh or wince, so I'm doing both! Looks sort of like a seizure in the reflection of the screen.
It takes a village to raise an idiot.
Save a tree, eat a vegetarian.
Sometimes " The Majority " only means that all the fools are on the same side.
Well, if you are using an online dating site, you could just put a link the the Bloodhound Gang's song "Nothing but Mammals" from the album "Hooray for Boobies". That should make it perfectly clear what you are after.
=
That reminds me of a line from M*A*S*H. I wish I could remember it exactly, but I think it's Igor who says something about having a beautiful girlfriend waiting for him back home... and also his wife.
Atheism isn't a lot like religion at all. Unless by "religion" you mean "not religion". --Ciarin
http://hambydammit.wordpress.com/
Books about atheism
I'm a 24-year-old atheist living deep in the bible belt and I cannot fathom entering into a serious relationship with a theist of any faith--again. If I didn't bend that rule and sleep with theists, I'd never get any. I strongly urge you to get a woman in bed and just as you cum scream, "THERE IS NO GOD" at the top of your lungs; that usually goes over especially well with preachers' daughters. My ex's cross used to hit me in the forehead during premarital sex; I hated that.
It's better to admit to it and add to it that you refuse to date anyone who has an imaginary friend.
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Sounds like someone has a boyfriend with an imaginary frieeeeeennnnddd.
Vote for Democrats to save us all from the anti-American Republican party!
Please become a Patron of Brian Sapient
Good one !
Very very ex.
"Anyone can repress a woman, but you need 'dictated' scriptures to feel you're really right in repressing her. In the same way, homophobes thrive everywhere. But you must feel you've got scripture on your side to come up with the tedious 'Adam and Eve not Adam and Steve' style arguments instead of just recognising that some people are different." - Douglas Murray
Personally I have found that it depends on the individual. Some of the most intellectually fulfilling relationships I've had have been with theists. The distinction being that the women concerned were able to argue about religion without emotion getting in the way. i.e. without shouting & getting angry.
People of either sex with that disposition are sadly few & far between though.
And Hamby's got it right. If you're looking for something long-term and meaningful, don't bullshit.
Stop that... It's silly.
If I'm going to the trouble to use a dating service I'd just assume use it to cut through some of the crap. In the normal dating game thing we have to kind of feel around for the other persons beliefs and most of the time what we find isn't actually the truth anyway.
I find that people have a tendancy to be more brutally honest over the webernets. This is a big advantage when it comes to stuff like this. You can just drop the A-bomb and you'll easily weed out a big problem, right off the bat. There are lots of people out there looking for love/sex/a beating, so no need to pussy foot around with people you aren't actually interested in. I say, cut to the chase, life is too short to put up with other peoples imaginary friends.
That sounds hawt!
After eating an entire bull, a mountain lion felt so good he started roaring. He kept it up until a hunter came along and shot him.
The moral: When you're full of bull, keep your mouth shut.
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If I hook up with a woman who claims to be atheist, and in the heat of passion she blurts out "Oh, God"...
A)Make like it didn't happen.
B)Throw her out of bed.
C)?
If your haveing SEX then go with A, what else are your thinking about!!!! If she grabs a Giddeon and keeps on preaching afterwards; then do her again; think!!! She can bring all the imaginary friends she wants as long as the sex is real.
"Very funny Scotty; now beam down our clothes."
VEGETARIAN: Ancient Hindu word for "lousy hunter"
If man was formed from dirt, why is there still dirt?
C)?
is obviously the correct answer if you know what I mean
I would put it on the ad, so there's no massive surprises on the date. It might lower the number of responses you get, but should at least increase the quality of them.
Of course, I am a stringent atheist. I wouldn't accept going to church or baptisms or such, and wouldn't couple with anyone who desires such. Those who are less of a stickler than myself might do well enough just by saying agnostic or spiritual or something.
Enlightened Atheist, Gaming God.
Don't beat around the bush. Some people really don't get along when their religions clash, especially if you have a lack of a religion. Best to get that out the way as soon as possible to avoid any unneeded arguments or confrontations.
I don't have the time to cater to your religious beliefs. Its much less time consuming to simply mock them, and, on occasion, give a reasonable explanation as to why I do so. But that's if I'm in a good mood.
I went around dating people for awhile before I settled into monogamy, and I was very, very, VERY up front about my athism in online dating profile and such.
On Okcupid, I got about 20 e-mails a day.
Than again, I'm a woman. I realize that single, attractive, vehemently atheist women are goddesses, especially in the online world.
I ended up attracting other atheists, or people who said, "I'm not atheist, but you're cool!" and etc. The guy I settled down with and I talk about religion 50-60% of the time. It works out well.
Your resident OTD/S, Christina
A good scientist will always change her mind if new evidence is presented which gives her sufficient reason to change it.
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