ATTN MODS: For some reason this post isn't allowing me to insert line breaks to form reader-friendly paragraphs. I've tried to edit it about six times and nothing is working. What's the deal? If you could break it up a little using your mods powers, that would be great.

 

 

 

It's not graduation season, but I really wanted to share this somewhere. A guy I went to high school with had a younger brother graduate last year, and his brother was elected to give the graduation speech at the ceremony. So this schoolmate of mine and his younger brother crafted what I feel must be the greatest highschool graduation speech I've ever heard, and it was perfectly delivered with all the necessary old-timey pompousness:

 

 

 

My fellow students, it is with a heavy heart that I bring to you, on this, the first day of our having been graduated from the highest school in the land of lakes, the most inauspicious news that many of you have ever heard and that some of you will ever hear. For you see, my dear classmates, this day, this day that we have all awaited with nigh inconsolable impatience for many years, nearly two decades - three-quarters of a score of our three and ten - has finally, joyously, arrived. And yet, the joy that should accompany this glorious day is tempered by the inevitable, ineluctable realization that this day, which portends our polytropic futures, also harbinges a separation, a rending of our homogenous whole which we have grown so accustomed to. Yes, we shall always remain the 2008 senior class of NameRemoved High School, the best class that we have ever been, but after this moment, slowly but surely, we shall divide and be conquered by the vagaries and vicissitudes of life as we wend our ways therethrough.

And so, my dear classmates, I, your fearless and valiant leader, who have led you with undiluted diligence through this final trial of public education, can no longer be the masthead of this senior ship.  I did not choose to be the messenger of these tidings. No, in fact, I had no choice at all, for if I had, I would have delegated these sad news to one of my many subalterns. But no, I was chosen for this task, this lamentable labor of love, by none other than you, my dear fellow students. You chose me, you voted me to this position, and you, contrary to my personal wishes, delegated this duty to me. As such, I have reminded you of the eventual depreciation of our as yet impregnable constitution. But all is not gloom and darkness for us, my friends! No, indeed, while the overall whole is dim, there are plentiful stars of varying brightness shining out of this twilight, like Kyley, the incomparable morning star.  Yet, I have digressed. This day should not be one of sadness and lugubriousness, but one of joy. The patience of our youth has paid out the dividends of adulthood that we have so long awaited. We have become the culmination of our expectations, and that, my fellows, is cause for celebration. Let us unbridle our joy, which we have so far reined in anticipation of this happy occasion which is now upon us.  Thus, I remind you, one final time, of the future of innumerable opportunities that awaits us, but also of the eventual crumbling of our solidarity. Therefore, my dear friends, be mindful of this and rejoice all the more since your lives shall soon change in so many possible ways. Be joyous not only for life as it may be, but also as it is.

 

 

 

 

 

I'm  jealous of the craftsmanship.