Conversion Tactics
Posted on: December 18, 2008 - 2:56am
Offline
Conversion Tactics
I just got done posting on the TEC thread in the AvsT section and it got me wondering.
What are the weirdest conversion tactics theist have tried to use on you?
After eating an entire bull, a mountain lion felt so good he started roaring. He kept it up until a hunter came along and shot him.
The moral: When you're full of bull, keep your mouth shut.
MySpace
- Login to post comments
I was given permission to date a deacon's daughter if I came to church every Sunday(am and pm services).
I had only met her once before.
Atheist Books, purchases on Amazon support the Rational Response Squad server, which houses Celebrity Atheists.
*Blinks*
Uh. Really, josh?
Sooo. Anyone know where I can find a deacon with a daughter around my age?
- Leon Trotsky, Last Will & Testament
February 27, 1940
I find that... creepy. Very creepy.
"Anyone can repress a woman, but you need 'dictated' scriptures to feel you're really right in repressing her. In the same way, homophobes thrive everywhere. But you must feel you've got scripture on your side to come up with the tedious 'Adam and Eve not Adam and Steve' style arguments instead of just recognising that some people are different." - Douglas Murray
I second the assertion of creepiness. Good for you though, but her dad sounds a bit off.
"You say that it is your custom to burn widows. Very well. We also have a custom: when men burn a woman alive, we tie a rope around their necks and we hang them. Build your funeral pyre; beside it, my carpenters will build a gallows. You may follow your custom. And then we will follow ours."
British General Charles Napier while in India
When I was four adults at my school tried to forcefully convert (among others) me by telling us that our parents were evil witches who were trying to poison, torture, kill and eat us- and of course we got the usual horrorstories accompanied by some interesting demonstrations about how we would go to and be tortured in hell- I still don't like to write, talk or even think about that bit. As was written in Matt 19:14, "Let the children come to me and, oh yeah, while you're at it, do scar them for life will you". Or something like that, I can't remember.
That's not the weird bit though: the weird conversion tactic that I encounter nowadays is the statement that I often act so bitter towards christians because I "was never told about God"... such idiots, I think they must have been poisoned by their parents at some point during their childhood or something.
Argh, too many to call one the weirdest.
The Landmark Baptists used to pay me to attend church. No, really. I got like $5 most Sundays and the guy would show up at other times and just flat out offer to buy me dinner with no strings attached. The church for pay thing only lasts until they have you hooked and reeled in though. It probably took me a couple of months to get away from them. They were also my last church.
After that, I occasionally let the theists try to recruit me but today, it is really about me reeling them in so that I can play my own games. For example:
Locally, the Mormons have the local bus line transfer point staked out. I suppose that there is a certain logic in that. All of the other street corners are mostly people walking past to get somewhere else but here they have a potential audience that is just spending down time waiting for the next bus. I will give them credit for figuring that one out.
Now I really did not know that much about them but I knew that if I let out enough line, they would give me some material sooner or later. And what great material they gave me. Apparently, there is a real living prophet who talks to god all the time!?!? And what would this guy's name be? Warren Hinckley.
Uhoh, they just gave up the name Hinckley to a fairly aware and intelligent guy in his 40's. For about half a second, I toyed with asking if he was any relation to John Hinckley (guy who shot president Reagan). But I can give them better material than that. Much better material.
“Really? Would he be any relation to Ralph Hinckley?”
Of course I really did not expect a couple of guys who were probably born in the mid 80's to have any clue, so the clueless response was exactly what could be expected. Then I drop the bomb. In the late 70's, there was a low rated network TV show about a guy with super powers named Ralph Hinckley. But that was only his name in the pilot. Before they filmed the first episode, John Hinckley had shot the president, so Ralph Hinckley was just Ralph for the rest of the series.
“You know, Ralph Hinckley – The Greatest American Hero. Had super powers given to him by aliens from another planet. Your guy is your hero and they have the same family name. They must be related, right?”.
To this day, the Mormons at the bus stop steer a wide space around me. I think that they probably have my picture pasted in the front of their holy book so that they know who to stay away from. Or failing that, it pleases me to think that my picture is pasted in the front of the Mormon holy book.
=
I haven't been exposed to much of conversion, so this is only my two cents. I don't like when a Christian gets into trance, invokes God's power and puts his hand on MY HEAD without MY PERMISSION, probably hoping that God's power will rewire my brain magically. No, I didn't even get a headache, (well, tomorrow yes) but I rather backed off from under that hand. Watch your most valuable cranial computer from Christianic hackers!
I.A.G.A.Y. :
Beings who deserve worship don't demand it. Beings who demand worship don't deserve it.
I was working in the yard and two Mormon missionaries just started helping me.
That could be an extremely effective tactic, depending on how attractive the girl is. Sure, give me 72 virgins in this life instead of the next, and I'll convert to Islam.
Our revels now are ended. These our actors, | As I foretold you, were all spirits, and | Are melted into air, into thin air; | And, like the baseless fabric of this vision, | The cloud-capped towers, the gorgeous palaces, | The solemn temples, the great globe itself, - Yea, all which it inherit, shall dissolve, | And, like this insubstantial pageant faded, | Leave not a rack behind. We are such stuff | As dreams are made on, and our little life | Is rounded with a sleep. - Shakespeare
No Thanks. 72 girls who know what they are doing? Hmmmmm.....
All that is necessary for the triumph of good is that evil men do nothing.
Noooo, don't rain on my parade!
In Islam, don't the 72 virgins have to obey your every command? If not, it'll be almost as horrifying as the Mormon afterlife they were discussing in another thread. How old are the virgins anyways? 8? 18? 88? Where'd that Muslim go? I want to know the specifics on these virgins.
Our revels now are ended. These our actors, | As I foretold you, were all spirits, and | Are melted into air, into thin air; | And, like the baseless fabric of this vision, | The cloud-capped towers, the gorgeous palaces, | The solemn temples, the great globe itself, - Yea, all which it inherit, shall dissolve, | And, like this insubstantial pageant faded, | Leave not a rack behind. We are such stuff | As dreams are made on, and our little life | Is rounded with a sleep. - Shakespeare
Pimpin' ain't easy... Josh's experience is not entirely unique
I've had some weird ones.
There was the TECesque thing.
I was given permission to date a girl provided I went to church. I told him she wasn't worth my being unhappy 1 out of 7 days of the week. He didn't much care for that.
I was invited to join a church's baseball team. Which I did because I love to play the sport, but I didn't go to church.
When I got laid-off from a job I was offered a job working for the radio station provided I went to church. I went once.
I even had a female friend offer to be friends with benefits if I believed in god. That was the only time I've ever regretted being an atheist.
After eating an entire bull, a mountain lion felt so good he started roaring. He kept it up until a hunter came along and shot him.
The moral: When you're full of bull, keep your mouth shut.
MySpace
Are you kidding? Any time people talk about this stuff it's weird. The Jehova's Witnesses have always had the worst time with me. I think I've only gotten into it with them once, and I just felt bad. They caught me at a bad time, and then I was surprised that it was them and not someone I was expecting, and so I may have been a little harsh. The short version:
"How many times have Jehova's Witnesses been wrong about the end of the world? Five or six by now? I can tell you exactly where the stars will be in the night sky 50 years from now without breaking a sweat. In fact, you can pick a year, and I can tell you the future location of any star you choose. But your future involves tigers eating grass. Right. Buh-bye."
Does that ever work? The tigers-eating-grass thing? I just don't get it. In their minds, God makes tigers to eat meat, and then ... changes his mind at the last minute? Huh?
Saint Will: no gyration without funkstification.
fabulae! nil satis firmi video quam ob rem accipere hunc mi expediat metum. - Terence
This is not unique to the Witnesses. Most Christian denominations teach that when Earth is renewed, ALL death will be destroyed. The whole "lion lays with the lamb" thing. It's usually not put forward much, but I've found people espousing it in every denomination I've thought to look at in this regard. The Witnesses probably just push it more than others.
All that is necessary for the triumph of good is that evil men do nothing.
I hate to admit it... but i used to be one of those trying to convert people. I even went as far as a mission trip to China, which was ironically the turning point and the beginning of my deconversion. I think the most disturbing of practices is the Halloween "Hell Houses" that they create... if you've ever been to one, it's straight up fear mongering!
Oh and when I was in middle school (Southern Baptist Private School) they showed us some 70's movie about the "Rapture" complete with guillotines and the beheading of people. I think I cried myself to sleep that night... hmmm... beginning to remember why I hate Christianity!
Ah. So ... more insane than I thought. That's disturbing. That must have been before we realized that bacteria are the dominant form of life on the planet.
But then, what am I thinking? Once you start to get that wacky, nobody has to eat. We could probably also breathe underwater. But the sinning people get vapourized, right? Or sent to an alternate, completely terrible afterlife? It's just so out there.
Saint Will: no gyration without funkstification.
fabulae! nil satis firmi video quam ob rem accipere hunc mi expediat metum. - Terence
You're not alone on this site. There are a lot of people here who used to be hardcore Christians. But they seem to be feeling much better now. I've never been in that position, but then, it's amazing to me that anyone has.
Saint Will: no gyration without funkstification.
fabulae! nil satis firmi video quam ob rem accipere hunc mi expediat metum. - Terence