100s of proofs that God exists.
Offline http://www.godlessgeeks.com/LINKS/GodProof.htm
(Caution may contain irony).
I think my personal favourites are:
ARGUMENT FROM RESPECT
(1) You have to respect my right to believe that God exists.
(2) You also have to respect my right to believe that I don't have to respect your right to believe that God doesn't exist.
(3) Therefore, God exists.
ARGUMENT FROM SALEM WITCH TRIALS
1 The bible says "Thou shalt not suffer a witch to live".
2 So we killed them.
3 Therefore god exists.
ARGUMENT FROM YOUTH GROUP MINISTER
(1) God is awesome!
(2) Like, totally, dude!
(3) Therefore, God, like, exists and stuff.
ARGUMENT FROM NAZIISM (INVERSE-GODWIN)
(1) Hitler didn't establish a Christian theocracy.
(2) Therefore, Hitler was an Atheist.
(3) Hitler was the worst leader possible.
(4) Therefore, all Atheists are bad people.
(5) Therefore, God exists
The most powerful weapon against errors of any kind is reason.
Thomas Paine
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Ah, they never get old. And just when you think they're about to get old, you read them again and they're still funny because they are still true.
A place common to all will be maintained by none. A religion common to all is perhaps not much different.
OH my favorite is:
ARGUMENT FROM THE ROLLING STONES
(1) You can't always get what you want.
(2) If you try sometimes, you just might find, you get what you need.
(3) I need God to exist.
(4) Therefore, God exists.
Slowly building a blog at ~
http://obsidianwords.wordpress.com/
Here's one that should be on the list:
(1)I'm the man in the box.
(2)Buried in my shit.
(3)Won't you come and save me?
(4)Save me.
(5)God saves me.
(6)Therefore, God exists.
You can parody the living fuck out of this sad fucker and his weak ass logic for days.
ARGUMENT FROM META-SMUGNESS
(1) Fuck you.
(2) Therefore, God exists.
I like that one, but I prefer this one:
ARGUMENT FROM UNRESTRAINED SKEPTICISM
(1) Fuck you!
(2) There is no God!
After eating an entire bull, a mountain lion felt so good he started roaring. He kept it up until a hunter came along and shot him.
The moral: When you're full of bull, keep your mouth shut.
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ARGUMENT FROM STRAIGHT LINES:
1) Some lines are definately straight.
2) God likes straight lines.
3) God can't like anything if he doesn't exist.
4) Therefore, God exists.
- Leon Trotsky, Last Will & Testament
February 27, 1940
A) Tampa Bay Devil Rays are in the World Series
B) Arizona Cardinals are FC final
C) Phillies win the World Series
D) Ither hell froze over or........
E) god exists
"Very funny Scotty; now beam down our clothes."
VEGETARIAN: Ancient Hindu word for "lousy hunter"
If man was formed from dirt, why is there still dirt?
1. I am dumb.
2. I am ruled by fear.
3. I like pizza.
4. I love Reese Witherspoon Movies.
5. I forgot to learn.
3. God exists.
Who would want to finish what they have said with the same thing everytime?
After eating an entire bull, a mountain lion felt so good he started roaring. He kept it up until a hunter came along and shot him.
The moral: When you're full of bull, keep your mouth shut.
MySpace
My Apologies.
Of course pizza is loved by all atheists and loathed by religious people as it reminds them that the earth revolves around the sun.
Now you have made me all hungry.
Therefore God exists.
Who would want to finish what they have said with the same thing everytime?
Don't forget it also reminds them of the fact that the earth is not flat.
Only God could make a spherical planet.
Therefor God is a spherical pizza.
I also want pizza now... and I already ate some today...
After eating an entire bull, a mountain lion felt so good he started roaring. He kept it up until a hunter came along and shot him.
The moral: When you're full of bull, keep your mouth shut.
MySpace
ZOMG, a spherical pizza would be a big greasy ball of awesome.
ciarin.com
Where would the crust be, though?...
... the same place that it is on a flat circular pizza... >.>
What Would Kharn Do?
thought I'd add this to the 100. it's appropriate.
100 points to 0 proves there is a God!
http://www.dallasnews.com/sharedcontent/dws/dn/latestnews/stories/012209dnsposhutout.40d72ee.html
Girls basketball. Covenant, Dallas Academy beats Dallas Academy 100-0.
A quote from one of the good christians:
"I never get tired of saying it," she told the reporter after the victory. "I want to thank my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ for allowing me to be here and do the things I do."
Leading 59-0, the good Christians continued to press the evil, secularists and making 3-point shots in the second half.
In the final quarter, the Coaches and fans of the Christian school, cheered on the team to reach 100 points.
Whether the good Christians cared the other school was "renowned for its work with students with a variety of learning problems" wasn't clear.
In other news, a number of players in various sports received career-ending and/or life-threatening injuries as the winners declared "God is good! Thank you Jesus!"
Imagine the people who believe such things and who are not ashamed to ignore, totally, all the patient findings of thinking minds through all the centuries since the Bible was written. And it is these ignorant people, the most uneducated, the most unimaginative, the most unthinking among us, who would make themselves the guides and leaders of us all; who would force their feeble and childish beliefs on us; who would invade our schools and libraries and homes. I personally resent it bitterly.
Isaac Asimov
After eating an entire bull, a mountain lion felt so good he started roaring. He kept it up until a hunter came along and shot him.
The moral: When you're full of bull, keep your mouth shut.
MySpace
I would like to hypothesize that the crust would be the core of the spherical 'za...for two reasons:
a) it's easier for the devil to bake fossils into to the bread layer.
b) the toppings will look better on the outside
After eating an entire bull, a mountain lion felt so good he started roaring. He kept it up until a hunter came along and shot him.
The moral: When you're full of bull, keep your mouth shut.
MySpace
That basketball story is fucked-up. Leave to a bunch of Christians to blitz a team full of mentally disabled players 100-zip. Maybe the girls can sign-up to kick the asses of amputees next to show the world how their God is the boss.
- Leon Trotsky, Last Will & Testament
February 27, 1940
1. I disagree that the pizza is God.
2. Therefore, God exists.
[edit] Therefore God Exist...
After eating an entire bull, a mountain lion felt so good he started roaring. He kept it up until a hunter came along and shot him.
The moral: When you're full of bull, keep your mouth shut.
MySpace
Hey, they did not mention my favorite, the argument from Jay and Silent Bob.
=
Pride goeth before the fall, right? What were they thinking?
Oh I think it was clear, daedalus, all too clear. They were obviously very chuffed with their "superiority" over the underprivileged, as so many christians these days are so wont to be.
Theist badge qualifier : Gnostic/Philosophical Panentheist
www.mathematicianspictures.com
1. You've claimed the Pizza God is the one true God
2. Anyone who can read Genesis: The Baking correctly knows that the real God is the Pizza Pie God
3. Therefore, you cannot read correctly.
4. Therefore, God exists.
God exists solely for the purpose of his followers praying for the end of my bad jokes. Therefore God exists.
"We are a nation of Christians and Muslims, Jews and Hindus -- and nonbelievers."Obama
Check out my poetry here on Rational Responders Like my poetry thread on Facebook under Brian James Rational Poet, @Brianrrs37 on Twitter and my blog at www.brianjamesrationalpoet.blog
You and I both know your denomination is wrong. Read it again and maybe we'll let you into The Free Pepperonyterian Church.
[Edit] I can't believe I forgot it again... Therefor God exist...
After eating an entire bull, a mountain lion felt so good he started roaring. He kept it up until a hunter came along and shot him.
The moral: When you're full of bull, keep your mouth shut.
MySpace
I thought Peter Kreeft's "argument from magic" was.... optimistic.
"we can levitate! jump up in the air.... YOU ARE DEFYING THE LAWS OF GRAVITY, AND THAT IS MAGIC!.... therefore god exists."
I would say that you are exploiting the electromagnetic interaction to overcome gravity. Therefor God exist.
I remembered!
After eating an entire bull, a mountain lion felt so good he started roaring. He kept it up until a hunter came along and shot him.
The moral: When you're full of bull, keep your mouth shut.
MySpace
1: Wait... you guys are atheists?
2: ....seriously?
C: Therefore, God exists.
A place common to all will be maintained by none. A religion common to all is perhaps not much different.