Hi, I'm Final Fantasy.  I'm 18 years old, 19 this May.  Born in the UK.  Will be heading off to university this year to study Computer Science.

I was born a Muslim, pretty much all my family follow Islam.  I won't go into much detail about my Muslim childhood (unless someone really wants to know), it is both depressing and voilent and something I will never be able to forget.

I guess I first started having doubts about Islam around the age of 16, when I used to think to myself "If only this wasn't real,  why does it have to be real, DAMMIT, of all religions why, why is he [god] so fucking cruel, why can't I just live how I want?! I'd kill myself but then I'd go to hell!"

If you're confused about the above, I came across the works of Ahmed Dedat and Zakir Naik, on Islamic Science, miracles etc.  I was deluded, convinced, which led me to the thoughts above.  Not too long after, I was googling Islamic Science, and came across FaithFreedom.  What I found, changed me completely.  I couldn't believe it, I didn't want to believe it, I was scared.  I found every rebuttal to Islam, to it's so called miracles and science, to all the scholars including Zakir Naik, the Quran and Hadiths disected and it's true nature shown.  I quickly left FaithFreedom after that, and told a Muslim friend about it who managed to convince me to stay away from it (I was very vulnerable at that time).  But then, after a while, my curiosity got the best of me.  I went back to FaithFreedom, I read and read and checked, I posted, I asked, I read, I checked again.  I turned into an agnostic, I wasn't sure anymore.  I then turned into a Deist.  Also, it's only since last year that I finally realised there is nothing wrong with homosexuals.  I was raised up to believe gay is a disease and a sin and they should all be killed (I even supported it), I don't if you can blame for thinking this way, this is what I was always taught by my family and the mosque which I had to attend daily.

I did something stupid however, at FaithFreedom, I had registered under my real name.  Which is a unique name, most Muslim families in the city I live, know us, and my name is known.  A simple google search would have exposed me to my new beliefs.  So, I received permission to register under a new username and the old one would be deleted.  Then I did another stupid thing, I confronted my parents about Islam and it hadn't worked out as I planned.  I had to quickly change it and persuade them I'm still a Muslim and that I was just being a bit curious.  I don't know if anyone can understand the position I was in, it is extremely difficult to leave Islam openly, especially in a voilent home.

I would like to thank this person, who took the time to help me after the problem with my parents:

Quote:

You can't convince them. They are not able to accept that you rejected their religion on evidences, because if they were to accept that, then that means that their religion CAN be rejected by an intelligent person on the basis of evidence. They can't allow themselves to believe that because they need their religion to be true. They need to believe that there is substantial evidence for their religion.

Their world would fall apart if they realized it wasn't as they think it is. Too much is at stake for them. It is very very hard to lay your religious beliefs on the line, TRULY look at them from a critical distance, because you have so much tied up with that religion. It gives you emotional support, it forms your entire worldview, it is part of your self-identity and it is the most important element of your life. It is frightening to even consider that it may be false. So people are not able to see the evidence you put before them, because they are not looking at it objectively at all.

You can only have any effect with your evidences on those who are truly willing to look at them with true objectivity. But that person is rare. They are out there, obviously you were able to do it. So you can only do so much in convincing people.

So now? After more reading, spending more time learning and asking; I'm atheist.  Also thanks to The God Delusion which helped a lot.  For now, I must remain a Muslim in real life.  I would also like to see a psychologist/psychiatrist (which I can't because of my parents), because I get depressed a lot, I don't know any other atheists, everyone thinks I'm a Muslim, most people assume I'm a Muslim just by looking at me (I'm not white, Paki origin and in the UK most paki's are Muslims).  The things I'd like to do, I can't because my dad would ask too many questions, I don't know what to do as of yet, I also keep thinking of the past and how it's fucked up everything which only adds to the depression.  I get extremely uncomfortable around people who follow a religion.  After browsing and debating through the university forums, I'm afraid when I attend this year it's going to be the same, that the majority of them fundies and only a handful are atheists.

Apologies for the long emo introduction, it's one of the reasons I kept it late, I was considering not posting this at all.  So please don't be too harsh

Oh and more about my background regarding education: I love computers Web designing and networks I'm CCNA certified, and will most probably go on to CCNP.  I'm most familiar with HTML/PHP/SQL and networks, started basic programming from Pascal, to Visual Basic, and now C.  I prefer Linux over Windows, currently using Xubuntu  :mrgreen:

It doesn't stop there of course