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hey.
Posted on: March 25, 2009 - 10:18am
 Offline
hey.
hey, can anyone give me tips on telling my mom and dad that im atheist, im a little scared what thay will say.
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Hey, Welcome. How old are you? Can you tell us a bit more of your story? I think there are support groups for teenage atheists. Maybe they can give you good advise.
Taxation is the price we pay for failing to build a civilized society. The higher the tax level, the greater the failure. A centrally planned totalitarian state represents a complete defeat for the civilized world, while a totally voluntary society represents its ultimate success. --Mark Skousen
Tell us more about your situation please. And welcome to the forums, BTW
Slowly building a blog at ~
http://obsidianwords.wordpress.com/
well this is going to be a little long, i come from a religious family and ever sence i was a kid going to church it never felt right just seeing all of those people singing all those songs about this god that no one has seen i felt like thay where blind. im 16 be the way. but back to my situation. my mom and dad make me to church and when i go all the people there have there little groups of friend that thay make sure i cant get in, i feel really alone as a teen atheist, im home schooled so i dont have alot of friends. thats it. thanks for the welcome.
Welcome.
There's no good way to tell someone something they do not want to hear. Giving bad news sucks for everyone involved.
First I would want to be honest about how important it is. Do you want your parents to know? Even if they get pissed? Then you've got to do it.
If it's not terribly important and not worth the potential backlash then maybe you should keep it to yourself. But, hiding a trait about yourself can be emotionally difficult. Homosexuals who hide it for long periods of time live hard lives. It's draining to pretend to be someone you aren't. It's a risk assessment, either way you go.
Best of luck boyo.
Ok, now THAT blows goats.
Maybe you should look for some groups to associate with which aren't expressly atheistic? Like find a philosphy club or the like. Philosophy folks are usually much more open to questioning the norm and examining "reality". I've found some good groups on meetup.com. Groups with all kinds of different ideologies. Might be a good way to have an excuse to get away from the folks and the church crowd long enough to feel like you're alone on the planet.
alright ill try that, thanks.
Can I suggest starting "small" with your perants. You said you were home schooled and you are 16. Tell them you want to go to public school, so you can socialize with people your own age i.e. prepare yourself for adulthood. Leave religion out of it for now.
Their first response will probably sound like "those godless people will turn you into an athiest!", Don't worry- you already are an atheist. Sit on daddys lap, kiss him on the cheek and say "But Daddy I want to be like NORMAL 16 year old girls, why can't I be normal? " .
Trust me , I have two daughters: that kiss on the cheek works better then a sharp knife against his testicles.
Stay with the small stuff when it comes to rational thinking, i.e. non-religious: "I don'believe in UFO's; I don't believe in alien abductions; I don't believe in ESP, I don't believe in ghosts or Santa Claus". Do you get my general ideas from this?
When they get comfortable with your skeptical mind, when you get comfortable with your own opinion in front of them. Then move out of the house and ask them why they still bother with the god thing.
"Very funny Scotty; now beam down our clothes."
VEGETARIAN: Ancient Hindu word for "lousy hunter"
If man was formed from dirt, why is there still dirt?
You haven't told us enough about your situation to give us a full picture of it. And furthermore, I'm not excactly an expert on this subject since I'm not from the US. So take what I say with a grain of salt.
But it is my impression that when teens tell their religious parents in the US that they are atheist, a common response from the parents is: "Oh, you are just being rebellious. That's typical teenager. You're just going through a fase, and you'll get over it."
This, of course would be an okay response to get, in that, if your parents don't really take you seriously, they won't be as angry and scared. On the other hand, it's not very good for you to not be taken seriously. Because obviously, it is not a fase you'll get over when you get older and smarter. The older and more mature you get, the more you'll naturally drift away from superstition.
But be mindful of such a reaction from your parents. Because while they probably won't be doing it on purpose, responding like that will be a subtle way to undermine your own confidence in your atheism. "Is it really just because I'm young and rebellious? Will I get over it some day?"
Don't let it deter you. Keep educating yourself, and keep questioning things, and you'll only grow more and more confident in yourself.
I suggest you take Jeffrick's advice of just showing your parents your sceptical mind, by hinting at (over time) that you don't believe in UFO's, Ghosts, the Loch Ness monster et.c.
When you are an adult and you have moved out of your parents home, you can finally come out as an atheist, because by then, you'll be on equal footing with them, and they won't have any power over you.
But of course, don't play along for the next four years any more than you have to. It will be terrible for your own happiness and self-confidence, and if you come out to your parents at 21 after they have always thought you to be their perfect little church-going boy or girl, then they might react with alot of anger and fear.
Rather, start now to show them your self-asteem and your sceptical, self-relient mind, but avoid too much religious discussion, stick with more "old fashioned" myths like ghosts and alien abduction, and also, try to see if you can get them to send you to a public school, to show your self-relience and independence from their decissions about your life.
But keep loving them, and keep respecting them as much as possible, for your own sake as much as theirs. All teenagers, even here in secular Denmark, have to go through a rough period of becoming independent from their parents, and it is my experience that you get a better and healthier relationship with your parents if you slowly and surely start marking your independence in small steps over the later part of your teenage years, than if you take a huge confrontation all in one go.
Your situation is likely much more difficult, especially if your parents are very religious, but even so, I think you'll be happier for it, if you don't alienate your parents completely at this point in your life. Stand up for yourself, but try to avoid making a huge rift between you and your parents.
For reference, I know two adult people today, who both have similar backgrounds, in that both have parents who divorced when my friends were in their early teens because of their respective farther's infidelity.
One person was angry with his farther, and made this clear, but maintained a relationship with both parents regardless.
The other person was also angry with his farther, and completely disowned him, taking the mother's side completely, and is only now, in his mid twenties beginning to soften up on this.
Both people are marked by this today in adulthood, but the former is a fairly well-rounded, happy, thoughtful individual, the latter still has alot of emotional baggage, and has alot of problems with relationships himself, many of which can be traced back directly to his fractured relationship with his farther.
Well I was born an original sinner
I was spawned from original sin
And if I had a dollar bill for all the things I've done
There'd be a mountain of money piled up to my chin
Welcome lilsith!
Perhaps you could approach from an agnostic point of view. Instead of going straight at them with the often misunderstood term "atheist", try using "agnostic" instead. It should help keep pots from boiling over in the first few discussions you're bound to have as a result, and will also provide preperation for the day you tell them flat out that you don't believe.
Enlightened Atheist, Gaming God.
hey dude, welcome to the forums...
I'm 18... family is very religious
i became an atheist about 16 and didnt really make it clear to my parents around 17...
while i dont really know how to do it well X_X because i didnt do it well. I am definitely glad that i made it clear.
They don't really bother me anymore, its really just become the thing we don't talk about as a family which isn't how i'd like it but i'm fine with it.
Anyway youll always find support here if you need it, also you should check out the skype chat if youd rather IM any of us 1v1 or in a group.
Adroit lives up to his namesake. This really is a support group for atheists.
(And welcome to the forums.)
Saint Will: no gyration without funkstification.
fabulae! nil satis firmi video quam ob rem accipere hunc mi expediat metum. - Terence
Hi! Welcome to RRS lilsith!
I think several people have already suggested that you take it slow, and I strongly agree. Proclaiming that you are an atheist before neither you or your parents are ready is, potentially, one of the worst things you could do. Instead, you can first ask to go to public school, where you can meet more people and explore the world or you can try to participate in a sports team or club in the community. Of course, it also depends on how you think your parents would respond. How open they are to new ideas, how educated they are, and many other variables could be taken into consideration.
However, there is something that is more important than all those things, and that is: to think about it. Ask yourself the hard questions. Research the issues. Learn the facts. Not so you can wallop others in a debate, but for yourself.
Our revels now are ended. These our actors, | As I foretold you, were all spirits, and | Are melted into air, into thin air; | And, like the baseless fabric of this vision, | The cloud-capped towers, the gorgeous palaces, | The solemn temples, the great globe itself, - Yea, all which it inherit, shall dissolve, | And, like this insubstantial pageant faded, | Leave not a rack behind. We are such stuff | As dreams are made on, and our little life | Is rounded with a sleep. - Shakespeare
Jeffrick hit the nail on the head. Yes, you should first go into public school. Try to get a good support system in place first. I hate home schooling personally because much of what we learn involves more than academics in school. Remember also that an atheist doesn't necessarily make claim to no absolute possibility for the existence of god. Most atheists are agnostic atheists who just do not believe in god. Some atheists are of the strong variety and claim that god does not exist.
"Always seek out the truth, but avoid at all costs those that claim to have found it" ANONYMOUS