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Afraid of Church!
Posted on: April 15, 2009 - 10:00pm
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Afraid of Church!
My 10yr old cousin is going to have his first communion on saturday and I'm afraid I might spontaneously burst into flames when I enter the church....
Should i risk it? ''Black Holes result from God dividing the universe by zero.''
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Perhaps it will just spit you out..... khhhhhaaaaaaaaa tooweeeeeeey!
"Anyone can repress a woman, but you need 'dictated' scriptures to feel you're really right in repressing her. In the same way, homophobes thrive everywhere. But you must feel you've got scripture on your side to come up with the tedious 'Adam and Eve not Adam and Steve' style arguments instead of just recognising that some people are different." - Douglas Murray
You're right to be afraid. I mean, sure, it's never happened to anyone yet... but does that mean it never will? Think about that.
Lucky for you, though, I can guarantee that you will not spontaneously conflagrate if you purchase and wear my patented Lapel of Darwinistic Protection from God. Only 19.99 + shipping & handling. Total protection from spontaneous human combustion absolutely 100% guaranteed; user will recieve a full refund if even a single lick of flame randomly spouts from their body.
- Leon Trotsky, Last Will & Testament
February 27, 1940
"Anyone can repress a woman, but you need 'dictated' scriptures to feel you're really right in repressing her. In the same way, homophobes thrive everywhere. But you must feel you've got scripture on your side to come up with the tedious 'Adam and Eve not Adam and Steve' style arguments instead of just recognising that some people are different." - Douglas Murray
Yes, have some fun with it, take communion yourself. When the priest says "The body of Christ". Say: No testicles please!
Taxation is the price we pay for failing to build a civilized society. The higher the tax level, the greater the failure. A centrally planned totalitarian state represents a complete defeat for the civilized world, while a totally voluntary society represents its ultimate success. --Mark Skousen
Go for exorcism first.
The body of christ compels you, the body of christ compels you.
... to do what?
(i thought it was "power" of christ)
What Would Kharn Do?
I'm pretty sure it's not, anyways thats not the point.
Keep in mind that they love little boys, and not in any kind of good way...
On a serious note. If I walked into a church and spontaneously combusted for being a heathen, I might think about converting... maybe.
After eating an entire bull, a mountain lion felt so good he started roaring. He kept it up until a hunter came along and shot him.
The moral: When you're full of bull, keep your mouth shut.
MySpace
I've had to go into a church to vote on a number of occassions, so I wouldn't worry too much. On the off chance there is a god and he didn't nuke me because I was being a responsible citizen, well that doesn't cover the funeral I went to and spent most of the ceremony making fun of the church and its practices with those seated close to me. None of us burst into flame.
Enlightened Atheist, Gaming God.
"The power of crap compeles you!"
Funny how an all powerfull being always needs some sort of vehicle to get his message out. Can't get off his lazy ass and do it himself.
"We are a nation of Christians and Muslims, Jews and Hindus -- and nonbelievers."Obama
Check out my poetry here on Rational Responders Like my poetry thread on Facebook under Brian James Rational Poet, @Brianrrs37 on Twitter and my blog at www.brianjamesrationalpoet.blog
If you were all powerfull and could make people do things would you do anything yourself? Maybe it's just me but I would be far to lazy
Whatever goes upon two legs is an enemy.
Whatever goes upon four legs, or has wings, is a friend.
No animal shall wear clothes.
No animal shall sleep in a bed.
No animal shall drink alcohol.
No animal shall kill any other animal.
All animals are equal.
''Black Holes result from God dividing the universe by zero.''
(post self-deleted, I'm sorry I mistook the forum for General conversation)
Do what I do...pretend you're in a scene from "the planet of the apes", and the few remaining mutants have learned to communicate via telepathy ...and are praying to a giant Bomb...and then imagine the priest as Victor Buono right before he tears his own face off...
It makes the mindless, regurgitated murmering a lot more tolerable.
www.RichWoodsBlog.com
Yeah, it totally tickles! I go to a different church every week (I think I am a glutton for punishment) and each one burns in a slightly different way.
Your resident OTD/S, Christina
A good scientist will always change her mind if new evidence is presented which gives her sufficient reason to change it.
www.ziztur.com