Hi Renee!

Indeed, she does know I'm an atheist. She doesn't have a problem with it herself, she still loves me. If it were to be left at that, then I wouldn't be even considering trying persuade her opions toward being congruent of mine.

However, there are several issues which have arisen, one which I believe will be a source of contention later on(should it get to that point.) The issues we've discusses so far:

1) Marriage. Initially I voiced my opinion that I feel the ceremony is unimportant to a lifelong relationship; this - as you can imagine - was not what she wanted to hear, asked me If I could think about my position on it. I did think about it, and informed her that I could get married to someone who found it important - important to someone I love, important to me - and that I never meant marriage was completely out of the question, just that I felt it unimportant.

I also expressed my distaste for a religious wedding, I mean, people that would damn me to hell would be giving blessing to a part of my life! However, I aquiesced on this point, as I felt it really didn't matter that much to me.

Thing is, after explaining and satisfying her on both points she didn't express any guilt or sadness in the compromises I have said I would make. She is not inherently selfish, I believe her faith has clouded her judgment.

2) She would rather a certain pair of grandparents not find out about my beliefs(even though they would eventually, it's inevitable), as they would not be particularly happy: they make comments about her piercings, dying her hair etc. This discussion came about after telling her about my mother askings me to keep my thoughts quiet for my grandparents sake. I told her I would wish she not do the same to me - keep me silent - but she went ahed and expressed her fear. Again, I aquiesced; again, there was merely relief from her side, no words of sorry to me. I believe her faith has once again clouded her judgement.

3) While it may seem I have aquiesced a lot, and probably shouldn't have, it was for a reason. Kids. If it ever got to that stage, I would like my kids to have no in-depth religious teachings provided to them, just basic instructions on all major beliefs so that they may better understand their peers. This was briefly mentioned, and she wasn't entirely happy. Hasn't been mentioned since.

She has gay friends, but does not believe they should be married, and does not think they will get to heaven. She believes I am going to hell, doesn't think she can change my mind, but still loves me. She used to be very religious, but does not go to church anymore other than holidays and has said more than once she believes christians to be hypocrites.

She gets stressed quite easily. I think the obvious dissonance could be a major part of it.

I don't think it would make sense to just leave it, I could be wrong though, which is why I'm asking for your perspective =)

Well that was helpful. I'm simply asking for non confrontational ways I could approach my girlfriend to discuss the topic, I'm not going to go try every suggestion. If I find any of them to have any merit I will think about it logicaaly and how it would work in regards to the dynamic of our relationship.

I've never bothered trying to confront someone on their beliefs before, so I'm hoping someone has had past experience they can share.

Where exactly do you see any negatives in simply asking?

I think a mutual effort to study religion, as a couple, could work.  With your input on studying the Bible, other religions, and maybe a few serious church sermons... you can have her start questioning her faith.  If she loves you, even though you are an atheist, she can't be that fundamental on Christianity.  My best guess would be to start slowly and act unbiased about any of it.  Act like you just want to learn/understand more but ask serious questions as much as you can in a kind way.  I've found that when it comes to becoming an atheist, studying religion is the best path.

My girlfriend (of 2 years) took forever to label herself atheist even though she was... she just hated being catagorized.

I didn't respond to initiate a debate. Do as you please with my best advice. It's your life and your decision to ignore that advice.

Regards -T2-

Aren't you one of the dummies that you're advising him not to receive advice from?

Don't mind treat2, (s)he's having fun with the site's environment, which is usually joking, sometimes ridiculous, and often mutually abusive. That said, welcome!

Ouch! That does it!

I'm telling!

I don't think there is a person here who would say, "Don't do it", meaning date her. BUT there can be unexpected things that will occur to differing degrees with relationships like this. Neither of you should expect the other to be something they are not. At the same time neither of you should be afraid of discussing or debating it.

HOWEVER, we are not you, and only you can gauge your comfort level  and her comfort level. We are not your relationship councilors If anything will help both of you in this, it would be not to expect the other to be a clone of each other. You don't have to be confrontational about it, but neither of you should always expect the other to submit to silence on the subject.

There is no "magic pill" for your situation and only you can determine what path you will take.

Get her just above the heel... oh wait, never mind, that's you.

In all honesty, I wish I could help you out. I've challenged the beliefs of many theist and only ever converted one. I dated a witch once and it was probably the biggest nail in the coffin. Not saying it will cause anything in your relationship, that depends on if you guys can put up with each others differences. I couldn't put up with her using her "visions" to make life changing decisions, and she couldn't put up with my "robotic" logic. Not too long after I met an atheist girl who I have the pleasure of hanging out with tomorrow. So even if it does cause problems, it's the end the world.

Question to fellow atheist. Have you ever been called a robot by your S.O. for thinking logically and/or rejecting woo-woo?

edit: I forgot to welcome you.  Welcome to the forums!

I've had that comment from a friend.

The spelling is different. I assumed it was a reference to religion's glaring weaknesses.

Same here.

I got that too haha! When I was about 11, I started confirmation classes (with the eventual goal of being "confirmed" in the Lutheran church, of course). We were encouraged to ask questions, and since we were forced to be there for 3 hours once a week, I figured I might as well get the answers to all the questions that had been plaguing me about the religion. If I was going to be accepted into the church, I'd better understand as much as possible, right?

Yeah, apparently that's not what you're supposed to do. Week after week I asked puzzlers like "Why does God permit evil?" and "Doesn't that contradict what God said in the readings from last week's homework?" Most of the time, these questions sparked discussion, or at the very least the teacher would manage to bullshit her way through an answer. But one week, exasperated with all the questions, she finally threw up her hands and said to me, "You think too much. You make this way more complicated than it is." Just one of many experiences that signaled that religion was not for me.

Anyways achillease, since my deconversion, I've dated only other atheists, so I have no personal experience with deconverting a significant other. However, your girlfriend reminds me a bit about myself. I was never as fundamental as she apparently has been in her beliefs, but I do remember feeling anxiety over trying to "make thngs fit." As a biology major, I had to do brain gymnastics to come up with a way to squeeze God into evolutionary theory, atomic theory, the laws of physics, etc. I tried endlessly to reconcile religious doctrine with what I observed in the real world, and sometimes worried over conflicting viewpoints expressed by guest speakers at my religious high school's chapel services. Once I let all that go and just realized it was all bullshit, it was like breathing a huge mental sigh of relief.

I second the "God Delusion" idea, since that book in particular was what finally convinced me to let go of religion for good. However, I don't think it would be courteous to just hand her the book "out of the blue." Rather, maybe next time she seems stressed out over something pertaining to religion, use that as a jumping off point to ask her why she continues with that tradition when it seems to cause more harm than benefit in her life. Use this discussion as an opportunity to find out exactly what keeps her in the grip of religion, and maybe try to address those issues. Then a couple days later, it would be appropriate to present her with "The God Delusion" or a book of its equal. Tell her that you've been thinking about your previous discussion, and you think maybe it would be helpful for her to see things from a different viewpoint, if she's open to that. Let her know you're willing to discuss any issues that might come up, or answer any questions she might have. This way, it appears that you're simply concerned about her well being, and are trying to provide help, instead of coming off as though you're attacking her.

Keep us updated on what you decide to do! And welcome to the forums!
 

The the problem is most of the give is going to have to come from your lady friend.

You think she is wrong on something (religion) , not a big deal as it only directly effects her through it becomes different once children get involved

She thinks you will burn in hell but more importantly she will suffer in this life and the next if she doesnt try to prevent this. Thats the real issue

There are two books which I would recommend. One is The Mind of the Bible Believer by Edmund Cohen, and Why I Became an Atheist by John Loftus.

I would recommend reading them yourself first, before you try to give them to your girlfriend, as they will help you understand religion from the inside. Use your discretion about if and/or when to give them to her.

The first book, Mind of the Bible Believer, explains specifically how the Bible itself modifies they way people think and keeps them enthralled by religion. It really does change a person's view of the world, what is 'truth', what is 'love', etc.

The second book, Why I Became an Atheist, is like an anti-apologetics book, written by a former apologist who had his own personal journey to leave Christianity. It also looks at the Bible and adds in some ancient history to explain the origins of the Bible, why the stories are the way they are, and why they are very probably just superstitions.

This might help you see things from her perspective (more or less, depending on her particular beliefs), and may help you see ways to approach her without offending her.