The customer is not always right
Offline I came across this site:
http://notalwaysright.com/
Which posts [supposedly true] stories about people's experinces in retails.
Guardian Of The Tubes And Protector Of The Google
Call Center | Columbus, OH, USAMe: “Thank you for calling [cable company], how can I–”
Caller: “Yeah, I’ve heard all that already, sir, so I don’t need any more of your crap, okay?!”
Me: “Okay sir, what can I do to–”
Caller: “Look, buddy, my internet is down, and you need to get it up right now or I’m going to get your a** fired!”
Me: “Sir, I want to get this problem resolved for you just as soon as possible, but you need to–”
Caller: “I don’t need to do s***! That’s it! I want to speak to your supervisor. No, I want to speak to your supervisor’s supervisor! I WANT TO SPEAK TO THE MAYOR OF THE INTERNET!”
Solar Spaciness
Jewelry Store | Sydney, Australia(A customer is looking at light-powered watches.)
Me: “It needs to be charged with 8 hours of direct sunlight or lamp light before it will keep time.”
Customer: “Does it have to be Australian sunlight, or can I take it to England and use it there?”
Small Talk In The Big House
Gas Station | Apple Valley, MN, USA(While working the overnight shift alone, a single customer walks into the store and walks to my register.)
Customer: “What would you do if I robbed you?”
Me: “…I’d call the cops.”
Customer: “What about if I had a knife to your throat?”
Me: “Do you really think those are good questions to be asking me?”
Customer: “Okay, let’s just say I have a gun in your face.”
Me: “Get out. Now.”
Customer: “Sheesh, I was just trying to have a friendly conversation with you…” *leaves*
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Offline On a side note, a lot of those sound like they are epic wins for bored costumers not plain stupidity.
example A
The Child May Get A Himself Complex Retail | Eugene, OR, USA(I was working at the registers as a lady walked in with a child in a stroller. One of the other employees walked up to her.)
Employee: “Aw, what a cute baby. What’s his name?”
Customer: “God.”
Employee: “You named the kid after God?”
Customer: “No, I named him God.”
Example B
The Force Is Strong In This One
Electronics Store | CanadaCustomer: “Hello, I would like to return this item.”
Me: “Ok, what was the problem?”
Customer: “I just don’t need it anymore.”
Me: “Ok, do you have the receipt?”
Customer: “Yes, here it is.”
Me: “I’m sorry, I can’t return this. It’s from six months ago.”
Customer: “Yes you can…” *waves hands in the air*
Me: “I’m sorry, no I can’t. I would get in a lot of trouble.”
Customer: “No you won’t…” *waves hands in the air again*
Me: “I’m sorry, sir, I’m not going to do that.”
Customer: *turns and leaves*
Me, to coworker: “Did I just get Jedi mind-tricked?”
Example C..... iv actually done this 
Dreams Really Do Fall Through
Help Desk | Long Beach, CA, USA(My co-worker and I are sitting at the front desk, waiting for something to do, and this girl walks into our office.)
Me: “Hi, how can I help you?”
Girl: “Hi! I was wondering if you’d marry me?”
Me: “Wait, what?”
Girl: “Will you marry me?”
Me: “I don’t even know you.”
Girl: “Well, my name is ****.”
(She then goes on to tell me her favorite things, her hobbies, and the name of her three-year-old pug. She even showed me a picture of it. Then she expected me to tell her about myself. I didn’t say a word, but my co-worker decided to join in the fun.)
Co-worker: “His name is ****. He loves hockey, playing video games…”
(This co-worker happens to be an ex-girlfriend, which is why she knows so much about me.)
Girl: “Wow, I imagined you being so different.”
Co-worker: “Nope, he’s really that lame.”
Girl: “Never mind then.”
Whatever goes upon two legs is an enemy.
Whatever goes upon four legs, or has wings, is a friend.
No animal shall wear clothes.
No animal shall sleep in a bed.
No animal shall drink alcohol.
No animal shall kill any other animal.
All animals are equal.
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Offline Yeah. I found a humor site with all kinds of stuff. Such as dialogues of calss into tech support. Some were so funny I had tears in my eyes.
Soz, but the link is not on this PDA.
Try googling:
humor tech support phone call
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Offline I have a million funny ~angry~stupid~crazy~customer stories. Having worked with the public now for 25 years I think I've heard it all from divorce stories to threats of violence... all awesome stuff ~
My favorite customers:
Customer #1
Woman: 'Hi, I would like to return these jeans'
Me: Okay, no problem. What were you unhappy with?
Woman: 'Oh, well I wasn't unhappy per se...'
Me: OH, okay no problem we will take care of you
Woman: (pulling the pants out...looks around to see if anyone is watching) *whispers* 'I am probably crazy for getting rid of these!'
Me: patiently nodding and smiling and waiting for her to explain
Woman: 'I LOVED the way these jeans fit on my hips...but (pulling the pants out and pulling the crotch of the jeans upwards to show me the inside seam) 'do you see this seam?'
Me: Yes ma'am
Woman: 'they don't make jeans the way they used to...this isn't a flat felt seam! *whispers again* evertime I wear these jeans I have an orgasm!'
Me: *giggling and smiling ---> are you sure you want to return them?
Customer #2
Man: 'Are these things on sale?'
Me: No sir
Man: 'will they go on sale'
Me: I would say at some point they will. Markdowns are driven by inventory levels, demand and season.
Man: 'When?'
Me: Well I am unable to say for sure as we are informed through our corporate offices of markdowns to take
Man: 'Can I have their number? I want to know when these things are going on sale'
Me: Of course you can have the number! *writes number down*
Man:' I am going to complain that they have people working here that don't know when their own markdowns will happen!'
Me: The number I gave you is a Customer Service line, they will gladly speak to you about any concerns you may have.
Man:' Fuck you! Why can't you just give me the discount NOW and I don't have to wait and I won't complain about you.'
Me: Sir, I am unable to create a discount for you on these items as they are not in the system with a discount.
Man: *slamming hand down on the counter* 'God dammit! They don't train you people right! I am the customer and I want a discount, I don't want to have to watch for these items to go down in price'
Me: Sir, I am going to have to ask you to keep your voice down.
Man:' Just ring these things up. If they go on sale tomorrow, I want my money back!'
Me: We have a 14 day adjustment policy so if it goes on sale in 14 days we will refund you the difference, no problem.
Man: 'You know, maybe I will just come back and shoot you if it goes on sale in the next few days.'
Me: I'll tell you what (taking the product from the counter and throwing it on the floor behind the counter) why don't you come back in a few days~ I will hold this product for you and if it is on sale then, you get to save a few bucks and you won't need to carry a gun through the mall?
Man: Can I buy those things now
Me: No.
You wouldn't believe the stories I have heard about crazy sex, death, divorce, weddings, graduations...I have been hit, hit on, prayed to, sold to, yelled at, hugged, tipped.....
It takes a very patient person to be in the service industry
Slowly building a blog at ~
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Offline 6 years I worked in a call in support centre for alarm panels, and the shit I had to hear.......now no offense to my friends in the states, but damn you have some dumb ass installers down there, I would have rather dealt with drunken newfies than some of your counter parts down there, at least the newfies knew the products....go fig I never had a daft call from Newfoundland.
[Edit some spelling mistakes]
Examples
Me: (company name) tech support how may I help you today?
Caller: Your product is a piece of fucking shit, it's fucking horrible motherfucking equipment
Me: Ok now that we established that your not happy with the product, what seems to be the problem
Caller: Every time I plug in the power the alarm board, it blows up and flies out of the can, this is my fifth panel.
Me: What type of transformer are you using?
Caller: What transformer are talking about?
Me: 16 volts, 40 VA transformer that is required, either plug in or hardwired type transformer.
Caller: I am not using one, I am just plugging it into the wall.
Me: directly into 120VAC wall plug?
Caller: Yes
Me: That's the problem it requires a transformer to work as stated in the installation sheets.
Caller: I have read it 1000 times it does not state I need a transformer
Me: It does on the second page on the parts list. Alarm board, 16v 40VA transformer
Caller: (flips to the second page) I didn't see that, well I want my money back
Me: You can return it to the distributors but there is no warranty for directly applying 120 VAC, as it stated in the manual a transformer is needed, as well as in the wiring diagram.
At this point the call just swore and hung up.
Door Contact wiring.
Me: How can I help you today?
Caller: Something is wrong with the alarm panel, every time I open my door it says it's closed and when I close it, it says it's open.
Me: Are you using single end of line resistors?
Caller: Yes
Me: then you have wired the door contacts in parallel not in series and that's the cause of the problem.
Caller: No it's not, I wire it this way every time for the last 10 years.
Me: Well that maybe, but at this point the wiring is incorrect if it's in parallel, it has to be in series, if not when you open it, it will see the resistor and assume the door is closed and when you close it, you cause a short and the alarm panel will assume it's open.
Caller: Well I have wired it up like this before and it has always worked correctly (any one that knows parallel and series wiring can understand that this person has never wired this up before and had it working at all, at least not in this type of application)
Me: Well, the alarm panel has to see the resistor to see it closed and a short or open to see the zone open.
This then breaks down to almost a 30 minute conversation of A) How I don't know how the system works (oddly I helped in the design of the alarm panel) or B) How I don't understand how to wire a door contact and that I am just following the computer instruction or a manual (we don't and they still don't do as I go visit some friends that work there, they are trained on the product and how to wire it all up, however they have never been on a job site and only know how to wire it up at the cubicles....it can get interesting at times)
Me: well sir it's been almost 30 minutes discussing this, how about this, you try what I suggested, if I am wrong, then I am wrong and you have lost 2 minutes of your times. If I am right the problem will be solved.
Caller: Fine but if your wrong I want your supervisor because you don't seem to know shit about how to wire up a door contact.
Me: No problem sir.
Caller: (puts down the phone, I can then here him rewiring the contact.....about 1 minutes later I hear in the background) FUCK!!! IT FUCKING WORKED?!?!?! (he then comes to the phone and hangs up on me)
Yes dealing with people can be fun at times, especially when they know jack shit, even better when they assume they are in control of a phone conversation (the greatest invention is the hold button used liberally when a customer is a jack ass or a complete utter cunt) However I am usually pretty calm with customer services reps unless they are being jerks, and if I am upset I always tell them that I am angry at the problem (be it their company's service or their product) and not at them directly.
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Offline I'm not sure this exactly fits the topic, but a couple of weekends ago, my friday delivery was missing bacon. I serve brunch Saturday and Sunday, so I kinda need lots of bacon. Having no other choice, I went to the grocery store for bacon. On my way out, the prep cook told me we needed a can opener, as ours had been missing for two days.
So...
I went to the grocery store, got 25 packs of bacon and a can opener.
When I got to the register, the cashier looked at my 25 pounds of bacon and can opener, looked at me, looked at the bacon, looked at me, and I deadpanned the whole time. He finally looked me in the eye, and with as much gravity as I could muster, I said, "Seriously... there are some questions you don't want answered."
Atheism isn't a lot like religion at all. Unless by "religion" you mean "not religion". --Ciarin
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Offline Some people really like bacon.
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Offline I'm the CFO for a hotel and conference center complex, and there are 16 of us total on the entire management team. We rotate the weekend manager-on-duty shift, so someone winds up doing it once every four months or so.
Last fall, I had an exchange with a guest that went like this:
Guest: "I want my money back."
Me: "I'm sorry. What seems to be the problem?"
Guest: "This place is a whorehouse!"
Me: *bewildered silence* then, "And...why is that?"
Guest: "They didn't tell me when I reserved the jacuzzi suite that you can see the jacuzzi tub from the bed."
(at this point I know this particular guest is a lost cause and I'll be refunding his money, but I'm too curious not press on)
Me: "Well, I can assure you that the suite layout is [hotel brand name] brand standard."
Guest: "It is NOT brand standard! It's no better than a whorehouse!"
Me: "Sir, [hotel brand name] would not have allowed us to open the hotel if the layout was not up to brand standard."
Guest: "No! I've been in a million [hotel brand name] hotels and the jacuzzi suites are NEVER like the ones you have here!"
I refund the guest's money and he leaves.
Me (to front desk clerk): "So how does he know what the inside of a whorehouse looks like?"
Nobody I know was brainwashed into being an atheist.
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Offline
My turn. Where I work, I am the official fixer of broken computers and I have many years worth of stories.
One time, I got called to another department for a broken computer. Seriously, the girl told me that she had turned on her computer and nothing was happening. When I got there, I could see from across the room what the problem was.
Her monitor was showing the standard test pattern that comes up when there is no data to display and no other lights were on anywhere. When I tell this one to other tech people I trail off at this point to see if anyone can guess the issue. To date, no one ever has.
Anyway, I walk over to her desk and press the power button on the actual system unit. Then it starts to boot. Suddenly, my (l)user states in a confused voice: “I did not know that my modem has to be on to use the computer”. BTW, this box did not have a modem in it.
>>>>>>>>>
Another time, I got a call for a computer that was crashing every few seconds. Once I got there, it took very little time to determine that the hard drive was so full that there was no room for a swap file.
So I told the person that it was probably going to take about an hour to straighten out. It should be noted that this was back in the days when 50MB was a huge hard drive.
Well, I open the C: drive to see what is so huge that it can go to the old bit bucket. At first, all I see is the normal stuff like windows and MS Office. Then I find a copy of AOL. And another and another. 12 separate installs of AOL altogether. OK back to program manager and the AOL group. Sure enough, there were 12 icons, each one named for a different person.
Each person wanted their own icon and since the damn drink coasters were everywhere back then, they did it that way. So I deleted 11 of them and redirected the icons to the single remaining install. Instead of an hour, I had the computer working again in about 10 minutes.
>>>>>>>>>>
Then there was this one guy who should not be allowed to use a computer. Ever. He deletes windows programs from DOS and other such nonsense. One of his specialties was erasing floppy disks by using the format command. I told him not to do that many times but he insisted that that wasa more secure way to erase a disk. In his mind, if you use the delete command from DOS, the files can be undeleted. Never mind that you can also unformat a disk just as easily, he never would take any advice if it ran counter to what he had already decided.
For those who do not know, formatting is plenty hard on floppy disks and eventually, you will damage the disks. In many cases, you will end up with a disk that can only be used in the drive that it was formatted most in. So we ended up with dozens of disks that were basically locked to one specific computer.
Never ever did I say enything about free, I said "free."
=
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Offline While working at a call center outsourced by AT&T Wireless:
Me: Thank you for calling AT&T, may I start with your name and phone number please?
Customer: You guys have garbage phones, do you know that!? This thing never works, like it's broken right now, and if you guys can't fix this thing and keep it working I'm going to make you give me a new one!!!
Me: Hey, fair enough. Could I get your name and phone number, please?
Customer: *Grumble* [name] [phone number]
Me: Alrighty; Mr. [name], would you turn your phone off please?
Customer: [turns off phone] ...It's off.
Me: Okay. Now turn it back on.
Customer [turns phone on] ...It's on.
Me: Okay. Now try making a phone call.
Customer: ...*starts talking in the background* ...It's working! What did you do!!???
Me: Sir, do you happen to have the manual for the phone handy?
Customer: ...Uh, sure... just a second... yeah, I got it right here.
Me: Okay. Could you turn that manual to page [page number] for me?
This is the first page of the 'Troubleshooting' section for the phone
Customer: ...Yeah, okay. I'm at that page.
Me: Could you read back to me what it says on that page?
Customer: It says, "...If you're experiencing difficulty calling anyone with your handset, first try turning it off, and then try turning it back--" are you trying to be a smartass??
Me: Nope. Just making sure you didn't recieve a misprinted manual, sir. Anyway, if you're having trouble in the future--
Customer: *Click*
While working at Future Shop:
Customer: I need a noise cancelling headset.
Me: No problem. All of the headsets you see on this rack *points to rack* are noise cancelling. We're promoting Sennheiser right now, which you can try out for yourself over there. We've got one last set for sale.
Customer: ...Well, are these noise cancelling? *points to a bulky pair of radio announcer style headphones that are on a different rack*
Me: Well, let's see... *examines packaging*... nope, it doesn't look like it.
Customer: How can you say that??? They look like noise cancelling headphones to me! Look how solid they are on the outside. Radio announcers use these kind of headsets. I work with audio equipment, did you know that?
Me: Well, fair enough. I'm not an expert. Typically, though, the manufactuerer will label a headset as 'noise cancelling' if it has that capability... and I believe that the design of these is largely just for novelty's sake *points to 'novelty radio headset' label*
Customer: Well I think that you need to learn your stuff before you sell it! What, you believe that everything about a product will be listed on it's package??? You look smarter than that. You guys are just trying to rip people off by misrepresenting low cost providers.
Me: Hey, maybe you're right. Maybe we're just a bunch of a bad guys. You're not interested in buying this last set of Sennheiser, then?
Customer: No, buddy. I want to--
Me: Sweet. *takes last set of on-the-cheap Sennheiser headphones*
Alrighty. My shift's over, so I'm getting these puppies for myself. I hope those headphones work out for you if that's what you're going with, dude.
"Natasha has just come up to the window from the courtyard and opened it wider so that the air may enter more freely into my room. I can see the bright green strip of grass beneath the wall, and the clear blue sky above the wall, and sunlight everywhere. Life is beautiful. Let the future generations cleanse it of all evil, oppression and violence, and enjoy it to the full."
- Leon Trotsky, Last Will & Testament
February 27, 1940
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Offline Me: Nope. Just making sure you didn't recieve a misprinted manual, sir. Anyway, if you're having trouble in the future--
Customer: *Click*
''Black Holes result from God dividing the universe by zero.''
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Signature ? How ?
lol the costumer was right here
Whatever goes upon two legs is an enemy.
Whatever goes upon four legs, or has wings, is a friend.
No animal shall wear clothes.
No animal shall sleep in a bed.
No animal shall drink alcohol.
No animal shall kill any other animal.
All animals are equal.