Atheist Hymn for singing during Buy-Nothing Month
Posted on: December 11, 2009 - 10:32am
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Atheist Hymn for singing during Buy-Nothing Month
Sheet music for the original hymn available on the web
Softly and Tenderly Jesus Is Calling(to shoppers like you and like me) 1. Softly and tenderly Jesus is calling, shoppers like you and like me; see, on the portals the merchants and Satan,watching and waiting for thee. Refrain: Go home, stay home; Gather your wallets go home; earnestly, tenderly, Jesus is calling, calling, O shoppers, go home! 2. Why keep on shopping when Jesus is pleading, pleading for you and for me? Why should we linger and spend all our savings, Money we someday will need? (Refrain) 3. Time is now fleeting, the moments are passing, soon you’ll forget where you parked; shadows are gathering, coupons expiring, get thee back home before dark. (Refrain) 4. O for the wonderful love he has promised, promised for you and for me! Though we have shopped, he has mercy and pardon, pardon for you and for me. (Refrain) Music & Original Words by: Will L. ThompsonNew words by: Blackdog
Bruce Dembling PhD
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I'll buy whatever I like, whenever I like.
...I here present the lyrics for Tom Lehrer's "A Christmas Carol." Truly a classic.
Christmas time is here, by golly,
Disapproval would be folly,
Deck the halls with hunks of holly,
Fill the cup and don't say "when."
Kill the turkeys, ducks and chickens,
Mix the punch, drag out the Dickens,
Even though the prospect sickens,
Brother, here we go again.
On Christmas Day you can't get sore,
Your fellow man you must adore,
There's time to rob him all the more
The other three hundred and sixty-four.
Relations, sparing no expense'll
Send some useless old utensil,
Or a matching pen and pencil.
"Just the thing I need! How nice!"
It doesn't matter how sincere it
Is, nor how heartfelt the spirit,
Sentiment will not endear it,
What's important is the price.
Hark the Herald Tribune sings,
Advertising wondrous things.
God rest ye merry, merchants,
May you make the Yuletide pay.
Angels we have heard on high
Tell us to go out and buy!
So let the raucous sleigh bells jingle,
Hail our dear old friend Kris Kringle,
Driving his reindeer across the sky.
Don't stand underneath when they fly by.
Conor
...I'll post a fuller version of some lyrics that I partially posted before. From "Weird Al" Yankovic, here's:
THE NIGHT SANTA WENT CRAZY
Down in the workshop, all the elves were makin' toys
For the good Gentile girls, and the good Gentile boys
When the boss busted in, nearly scared 'em half to death,
Had a rifle in his hands, and cheap whiskey on his breath.
From his beard to his boots, he was covered with ammo
Like a big, fat, drunk, disgruntled Yuletide Rambo
And he smiled as he said, with a twinkle in his eye.
"Merry Christmas to all! Now you're all gonna die!"
The Night Santa Went Crazy
The night St. Nick went insane
Realized he'd been gettin' a raw deal,
Somethin' finally must have snapped in his brain
Well, the workshop is gone, now; he decided to bomb it
Ev'rywhere you'll find pieces of Cupid and Comet
And he tied up his helpers, and he held the elves hostage
And he ground up poor Rudolph into reindeer sausage
He got Dancer and Prancer with an old German luger
And he slashed up Dasher just like Freddy Kruger
And he picked up a flamethrower, and he barbecued Blitzen
Then he took a big bite, and said "It tastes just like chicken."
The Night Santa Went Crazy
The night Kris Kringle went nuts, now you
Can't hardly walk around the North Pole
Without steppin' in reindeer guts
There's the National Guard, and the FBI
There's a van from the Eyewitness News,
And helicopters circling 'round in the sky
And the bullets are flyin' the body counts risin'
And ev'ryone's dying to know, oh, Santa why?
My my my my my my
You used to be such a jolly guy
Yes, Virginia, now Santa's doin' time
In a federal prison, for his infamous crime
Hey, little friend, now, don't you cry no more tears
He'll be out with good behavior, in seven hundred more years.
But now Vixen's in therapy, and Donner's still nervous
And the elves all got jobs, workin' for the Postal Service
And they say Mrs. Claus, she's on the phone every night
With her lawyer, negotiatin' the movie rights--they're talkin' 'bout
The Night Santa Went Crazy
The night St. Nicholas flipped,
Broke his back for some milk and cookies,
Sounds to me like he was kind of gettin' gypped, oh
The Night Santa Went Crazy
The night St. Nick went insane
Realized he'd been gettin' a raw deal
Somethin' finally must have snapped in his brain
Oh, somethin' finally must have snapped in his brain,
Tell ya, somethin' finally must have snapped
In his brain
Oh...and once again, it's from his "Bad Hair Day" album
Conor