My mom is in the hospital.
Offline My mom came down with pneumonia. She has been in the hospital since Thursday. She IS feeling a lot better but she is still short of breath and her legs are still weak.
What bothers me is that on a prior Friday the nurse noticed a sudden weakness, but she played it off, never called me. Then on Saturday I came over to have dinner, with her and, was finally told and we finally convinced her to go to the hospital. BUT, they did a brain scan(she has a history of strokes) and found nothing so they sent her back to the retirement home. Both the staff and I had noticed that she hadn't been eating well but she played it off thinking she would get over it. Then on this past Thursday she just couldn't take the weakness anymore and they sent her to the hospital again. Thats when they found the pneumonia.
I love my mom so much. She is so independent so it is hard for me to know when to step in and when to let her decide for herself. With the first visit both the nurse at the home and I thought it might be a possible stroke considering her history. Then there are other times where I think there might be something happening, she plays it off, and is fine the next day. And then things like this. I feel like I am damned if I do, and damned if I don't.
I just hope she can gain back her breathing capacity and leg strength to where it was before this. She is doing a lot better.
My mom is all I have and she has always been there for me and I don't know what I would do without her. I love her so much and just want her to get better and stay well.
"We are a nation of Christians and Muslims, Jews and Hindus -- and nonbelievers."Obama
Check out my poetry here on Rational Responders Like my poetry thread on Facebook under Brian James Rational Poet, @Brianrrs37 on Twitter and my blog at www.brianjamesrationalpoet.blog
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Hope your Mom is better soon... just remember that pneumonia is a big deal... it'll take time before she's 100% ... Tell her that a self-indulgent asshole from NJ is sending his well wishes...
www.RichWoodsBlog.com
My Mum is 80 and beginning to become more frail so I know where you are at. Why not just tell her how you're feeling? Sounds to me like she'd probably understand. Agree with Rich that pneumonia can take time to recover from. Spend some time hangng out telling her jokes - I read somewhere a good laugh is great for increasing lung volume - as good as taking a walk.
"Experiments are the only means of knowledge at our disposal. The rest is poetry, imagination." Max Planck
Well Brian, I feel sorry for both of you. Yes, you certainly are damned if you do and damned if you don't. If the trained medical people can't guess right, you can be sure that you can't do better than them.
Here is my advice from someone who has already been there himself.
Spend as much time with her as you can. At this point, I doubt that you want to think about this but one day, she will be gone and there will be a huge hole in you that can never be filled. Poker night with your buddies (or whatever) will never fill that hole but today it can take away from what, for you, is that which one day you will not be able to do.
Also, don't try to second guess her or the doctors. Be there for her. Offer your advice when the opportunity comes up. Remember that this is her life. Trying to second guess matters is not a good thing. The most that you will do from that is buy a bit of time but you do that running the risk of removing some of the dignity of a process that we all, one day must go through.
=
/insert -Get well soon card-
Hope she recovers well.
I know it isn't any comfort right now, but there will always be regrets. Could I have done this, or that, if this had happened, ..... Let it go, and just enjoy the time you have. You never know, it could be another 20 years. I'm hoping for the best for you and your mom.
-- I feel so much better since I stopped trying to believe.
"We are entitled to our own opinions. We're not entitled to our own facts"- Al Franken
"If death isn't sweet oblivion, I will be severely disappointed" - Ruth M.
Good luck, make sure she knows you love her.
You'll be in my thoughts.
Everything makes more sense now that I've stopped believing.
Brian
I am sorry your mom and you are going through this. Even though independent, I am sure she loves to have you around! I also agree that you should let her know how much you love her and how it makes you feel when she blows stuff like this off ~ some people just think they are tough and can work through feeling sick ~ and then they get pneumonia ...
I hope everything comes out okay! Cyber-hugs to you !!
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sorry to hear, hopefully your mother gets well soon
No sign of Brian. Hopefully all is going well.
I'm sorry Brian. I hope she's getting better right now.
Our revels now are ended. These our actors, | As I foretold you, were all spirits, and | Are melted into air, into thin air; | And, like the baseless fabric of this vision, | The cloud-capped towers, the gorgeous palaces, | The solemn temples, the great globe itself, - Yea, all which it inherit, shall dissolve, | And, like this insubstantial pageant faded, | Leave not a rack behind. We are such stuff | As dreams are made on, and our little life | Is rounded with a sleep. - Shakespeare
Hey guys, just got back this morning, I have been spending the last 5 nights overnight there with her.
As of this morning she is fiesty, which is a good sign for her, but again, she doesn't see or want to face that her independent mind is not matching up with what her body is going through. She wants to do things on her own, which is understandable, but she doesn't have the patience with the hospital staff. I never tell her not to do anything, I want her to do what she wants, I merely want her to do it safely and have someone around while she does it until she gets her strength back.
Thanks for all your comments.
"We are a nation of Christians and Muslims, Jews and Hindus -- and nonbelievers."Obama
Check out my poetry here on Rational Responders Like my poetry thread on Facebook under Brian James Rational Poet, @Brianrrs37 on Twitter and my blog at www.brianjamesrationalpoet.blog
Well Brian, in my case the 'identity of my most important family member' is inversed(stepmom). But if I found myself looking at a stepmother who's getting closer to the end of her rope, the most "pragmatic" way I could possibly think of going about it is: be there for her. Watch, listen *really* well, respond to simple requests and address whatever scattered recollections she has in a... direct, but simplistic and humble manner. Entertain whatever notions she has about "meeting God soon" or some such, if she doesn't seem fully aware that you are atheistic... or even if she is. My great grandmother of 98 years passed away December 13, 2008 and... I thought the *WORLD* of her- despite her debillitating level of dementia, even. If... I thought it would make some sort of comforting difference in her mind that I actively cared what happened to her thoughts and feelings after she's buried six feet under, I would... 'put on the act' for her just so she would feel that much better about what's going to happen to her, inevitably.
Something to think about, I guess, in case you find yourself at 'final step' with Mom.
(Frankly, I can't stand my own all too often.)
“A meritocratic society is one in which inequalities of wealth and social position solely reflect the unequal distribution of merit or skills amongst human beings, or are based upon factors beyond human control, for example luck or chance. Such a society is socially just because individuals are judged not by their gender, the colour of their skin or their religion, but according to their talents and willingness to work, or on what Martin Luther King called 'the content of their character'. By extension, social equality is unjust because it treats unequal individuals equally.” "Political Ideologies" by Andrew Heywood (2003)
She is back at her retirement home. I know she wanted to get back there, but I am still worried about her physical strength and her independence in wanting to do things on her own. But she is eating better and is happy about being back.
She has had chronic health problems for the past 5 years. Age is the biggest factor, but she also lost a couple close friends and because of her health she had to be in the retirement home. I think all those factors play a role. But to her credit every time she has something happen, she seems to recover faster than most her age. She is a tough lady.
I am happy to see her back. She loves the staff there, although she hates the food. She does get a lot of activity. The docs say that she should slowly get her strength back and won''t need to be on the oxygen for more than two weeks.
"We are a nation of Christians and Muslims, Jews and Hindus -- and nonbelievers."Obama
Check out my poetry here on Rational Responders Like my poetry thread on Facebook under Brian James Rational Poet, @Brianrrs37 on Twitter and my blog at www.brianjamesrationalpoet.blog
Sounds positive. I think hating the food is a requirement for people in retirement/nursing homes. If you don't, you are banned from macrame class, right?
-- I feel so much better since I stopped trying to believe.
"We are entitled to our own opinions. We're not entitled to our own facts"- Al Franken
"If death isn't sweet oblivion, I will be severely disappointed" - Ruth M.