Would you date/marry someone who was not an atheist?
Offline I have read lots of threads in the past as a lurker, and it seems quite a lot of you atheists here are married to theists. Personally, I would never do that. Especially not since I would like to have children someday. I have never been married, don't have any kids, and am not in a relationship or dating. However, to have a serious relationship, I must find another atheist. I have spent my whole life around conservative Christians and I am completely disgusted with them. I can't stand the idea of willingly living with theists. Therefore, I would never date one, and especially not marry one. I also want to make sure any children I have in the future are raised rationally as freethinkers and have a united consistant outlook from both parents. One thing though, that sucks, is that limiting myself to fellow atheists greatly reduces the number of potential dates and relationships I can have, since atheists are clearly in a minority. How do yall in mixed atheist/theist relationships deal with raising your children, if you have any? I suspect that many atheists that are married to theists were not atheists when they got married, although I'm sure that is not always the case. Anyway, I think this could be an interesting discussion, at least to me.
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LOL, me too. I would only consider dating a rather liberal theist temporarily or have a one-night stand with one. But, only if she wasn't a prude.
Well, I made that mistake once. She was hot and she liked to drink as much as I do. All that I had to do was wait for the right time and I would have gotten a slice. Well, the year and a half of dating was fun but the whole she can't fuck thing went out the door once she ran off to California to marry her internet stalker.
In retrospect, I am glad that I never fucked the bitch.
I hope that one day she ends up dead in a ditch because of a serial killer.
=
Wow, that really, really sucks. She sounds like a nutcase. I would never put up with a woman for that long without some action.
It probably depends on the theist. I could probably have long relationships with deists, pantheists, unitarians, etc.
But..........my girlfriend considers herself an agnostic.
Our revels now are ended. These our actors, | As I foretold you, were all spirits, and | Are melted into air, into thin air; | And, like the baseless fabric of this vision, | The cloud-capped towers, the gorgeous palaces, | The solemn temples, the great globe itself, - Yea, all which it inherit, shall dissolve, | And, like this insubstantial pageant faded, | Leave not a rack behind. We are such stuff | As dreams are made on, and our little life | Is rounded with a sleep. - Shakespeare
A very liberal, theist lite type yes. Even in the Seattle area which is relatively godless you still can't throw a rock without hitting a believer.
"Faith, Faith is an island in the setting sun,
but proof, proof is the bottom line for everyone."
Proof, Paul Simon
Nothing this hard should taste so beefy.
Nah I can't deal with it, and I don't know any other atheists. Dating yes but marriage? No way, not even for a klondike bar, dating is bad enough and I have yet to last more than a couple of months with a theist. They always end up rubbing that carp in too much.
Faith is the word but next to that snugged up closely "lie's" the want.
"By simple common sense I don't believe in god, in none."-Charlie Chaplin
Yeah, it would certainly be easier to get along with a deist/pantheist/unitarian, etc than a fundie! But, it'd still be best to be with another atheist.
I wish I still lived in the Northwest where I was born. Now I live in ultra-conservative bible belt Oklahoma. I'd prefer not to even be with a "theist-lite" but that would be much more tolerable.
I totally agree. Although I've never had any serious relationships with anyone. My problem is, I get more than enough theist BS from my dad, and I want nothing more than to get away from that kind of crap.
But then, maybe not. I don't remember religion coming up in the conversation when I was dating. At least not the first time around. And I wound up marrying someone without an opinion on the existence of god/s/dess/dog. Really, the guy didn't care and didn't have an opinion except he was definitely not into religion.
After the divorce, in the mid-80s, religion was talked about more. But again, it didn't come up in any date conversation until I met my current husband. He was agnostic at the time and really didn't want to marry someone who was religious. I was certain sure atheist by then and now he is too.
I just don't remember it being that big of a deal. But then, I wasn't hunting in the bible belt, but out west where the number of atheists and alternative believers are proportionally higher.
It's probably easier to find a guy not interested in religion or agnostic or atheist if you are looking for a guy partner. Seems it's traditional for the women to be the real church goers while the men often went only for special family events. Though even that is changing slowly.
Glad I'm with the one I'm with, I guess. Even if he is getting to be an old fart.
-- I feel so much better since I stopped trying to believe.
"We are entitled to our own opinions. We're not entitled to our own facts"- Al Franken
"If death isn't sweet oblivion, I will be severely disappointed" - Ruth M.
Hey, I live in Seattle too. Yeah, I think this is supposed to be one of the most non-theist cities in the U.S., if not THE most non-theist. We're like a whopping 20% here. Lol.
Our revels now are ended. These our actors, | As I foretold you, were all spirits, and | Are melted into air, into thin air; | And, like the baseless fabric of this vision, | The cloud-capped towers, the gorgeous palaces, | The solemn temples, the great globe itself, - Yea, all which it inherit, shall dissolve, | And, like this insubstantial pageant faded, | Leave not a rack behind. We are such stuff | As dreams are made on, and our little life | Is rounded with a sleep. - Shakespeare
What the fuck did you do that for?
"Faith, Faith is an island in the setting sun,
but proof, proof is the bottom line for everyone."
Proof, Paul Simon
Nothing this hard should taste so beefy.
I seem to remember reading recently that the New England area has us beat, but if you want to live around relatively politically, culturally sane people it's pretty hard to beat the Puget Sound area. Although people can't drive for shit around here.
"Faith, Faith is an island in the setting sun,
but proof, proof is the bottom line for everyone."
Proof, Paul Simon
Nothing this hard should taste so beefy.
What's CRS?
I am fairly certain I have never brought up religion on a date, but I would certainly want to eventually. It doesn't seem appropriate for a 1st date, though. Unless we met through an atheist club or something.
Actually, I heard the entire state of WA is possibly the most non-religious state in the US, with as much as 25% being non-religious. And that includes the rural areas and eastern areas, which are more religious. So, I'd say Seattle's proportion is much higher. Also, another thing about religion in the Northwest (WA, OR, BC) is that not only are atheists, etc, more numerous, but that religious conservatism has very little influence.
Lol, I didn't move down here on purpose. My family moved away from WA when I was only 8, and eventually settled in OK when I was 11. I was still religious back then, and my parents have always been very religious. They have since moved to Colorado Springs (so my dad could go to bible school, lol) and I am stuck here in OK (although not for much longer, since I plan to move to Korea later this year).
Yeah, I've heard that about New England, also, especially Vermont. However, that region is dominated by Catholics, and the NW is not as influenced by religion. I still have relatives up there (mostly near Portland since I was born in Vancouver, WA, and some near Seattle), but it's been 10 years since I last visited.
Personally I am a life long atheist, never believed in the stuff, well no more than I believed in Santa Clause, however I admit that I have dated my fair share of women, and of all types of backgrounds, ethnically and religious. Never the hardcore type since they wouldn't have anything to do with an atheist like me. However I have dated christian, jewish and hindu women, I must say that all in all religion never really came up unless it was some specific holiday. Even then the women were alright we me going to those events (hey I like free food and free booze) knowing that I never believed in their god(s).
However it's the hardcore/fundamentalist types I can't stand really, the more holier than thou types just annoy me to no end. Now of course I try not to bring up religion with women I date, I have no need to know about their personal beliefs regarding god unless I am planning on making it more serious, and even then by that time I usually have figured out how religious they really are, for the most part they aren't, it's more about tradition. I personally am up front about my beliefs, never lie to women about what you believe in and what you are looking for, if you do, your screwed in ways you don't want to be screwed.
I actually did believe in Santa Claus when I was little, lol.
I would like to date a wide variety of women, also, at least ethnically/racially/nationality wise. I could handle <i>dating</i> religious women (except prudes or fundies), but I wouldn't want to marry a religious woman because it would complicate things to much with how to raise our kids.
I would not bring up religion at all myself early on unless she brought it up first. Also, I would certainly never lie about my beliefs or pretend to believe.
Yes. I don't think that I have never dated an atheist. The woman that I was with for a few years (longest relationship I've been in) did describe herself as 'agnostic.' By which she meant 'agnostic theist/deist of some kind.' She was apathetic about religious matters. I see no reason to not have been her boyfriend for all that time just because she believes in some vague deist stuff. Our political differences were more of a wedge than our theological differences. Women don't seem to like hearing libertarian ideology for the most part. If I spoke about how stupid religious stuff was in her presence, then there wouldn't be a problem. If I spoke about political stuff, then she would get quite which is some stealth woman way of telling you to shut up.
I dated a Catholic briefly. But she was some kind of lapsed Catholic who never went to church. Being Catholic wasn't a big part of her life, so it didn't matter. That went nowhere, but if it did become a relationship, I would not have minded that she was a half-assed Catholic.
It is hard to find datable women. Let's not be religious snobs who turn down attractive women due to theological differences. Of course, if theological belief and religion is a big part of a woman's life, then it wouldn't work out. But besides devout people and fundies I don't see a reason as to why you shouldn't date them. The fact that I always seem to date liberals is a bigger problem for me than the fact that I always seem to date theist. And now that I think about it, how is it that I have NEVER dated a conservative, libertarian or atheist woman? Am I the only one who has this experience, or are women a bunch of liberal theists for the most part?
"You say that it is your custom to burn widows. Very well. We also have a custom: when men burn a woman alive, we tie a rope around their necks and we hang them. Build your funeral pyre; beside it, my carpenters will build a gallows. You may follow your custom. And then we will follow ours."
British General Charles Napier while in India
I actually did believe in Santa Claus when I was little, lol.
I would like to date a wide variety of women, also, at least ethnically/racially/nationality wise. I could handle <i>dating</i> religious women (except prudes or fundies), but I wouldn't want to marry a religious woman because it would complicate things to much with how to raise our kids.
I would not bring up religion at all myself early on unless she brought it up first. Also, I would certainly never lie about my beliefs or pretend to believe.
Well, yeah, being deist/apathetic is different. I could handle that. I'm sure those kinds of people are open to raising children to be freethinkers. I've never had anyone I could speak honestly to about religion or politics except my younger sister.
A lapsed Catholic might be OK, too. As long as she's open-minded, willing to discuss religion/politics civilly, thinks religion is not a big part of her life, and is willing to raise our kids as freethinkers, then that's all good.
Well, I do not know for sure what ANY women I have dated believed. Mostly because we never ever discussed those issues and that we never went on a 2nd date. The only one I dated for more than a couple of times, however, was definitely a theist and even took me to church with her once (that was back when I was still a theist myself, although I hated church). She was a liberal theist though, I assume, since our relationship was based on sex.
I guess I especially shouldn't be picky since I haven't even been on any dates at all in several months, and have had a girlfriend in many years. But, I just can't accept living with anyone who is more than just a little but religious.
I was lucky enough to find another atheist to marry and I hope that you are able to find one also. However, we live in the Bible Belt close to my wife's immediate family. We have raised our daughters to be free thinkers but my wife's family has tried to put religion in their heads. They tried to scare them with "Hell" which seemed to work for awhile. We ended up having to sit down with her family and tell them to keep their views to themselves.
When you do end up with someone and have kids, there is a good chance that her family and your family will also be trying to instill their beliefs in your kids if they are theists.
You can't convince a believer of anything; for their belief is not based on evidence, it's based on a deep-seated need to believe. - Carl Sagan
Prayer has no place in the public schools, just like facts have no place in organized religion. - School Superintendent on "The Simpsons" episode #1
Don't think i have ever dated an atheist. Only dated christians i think. None like hectic fundie. Never had a problem at least with religion stuff. most people I find, just don't care.
Whatever goes upon two legs is an enemy.
Whatever goes upon four legs, or has wings, is a friend.
No animal shall wear clothes.
No animal shall sleep in a bed.
No animal shall drink alcohol.
No animal shall kill any other animal.
All animals are equal.
atheist, agnostic or non-christian/muslim theist. Interestingly I'm dating a pantheist anglican minister's daughter at the mo.
We commiserate about life in the manse. She's a firecracker.
"Experiments are the only means of knowledge at our disposal. The rest is poetry, imagination." Max Planck
Why do you think I decided to move to Portland and not Seattle? It was the drivers - they may not drive for shit here, either, but at least they are polite about it.
-- I feel so much better since I stopped trying to believe.
"We are entitled to our own opinions. We're not entitled to our own facts"- Al Franken
"If death isn't sweet oblivion, I will be severely disappointed" - Ruth M.
Can't Remember Shit - an early sign of old fart-ness.
Naw, I meant it NEVER came up on a date - first, second, fortieth. Except with my current husband and he brought it up BEFORE the first date.
Maybe I should explain a little more - we were both going to university as adults - both 33 years old and sophomores. So we met in class and didn't date until halfway through the semester. We had plenty of opportunity to figure out each other's religious views before dating since it was an ecology/evolutionary biology course.
-- I feel so much better since I stopped trying to believe.
"We are entitled to our own opinions. We're not entitled to our own facts"- Al Franken
"If death isn't sweet oblivion, I will be severely disappointed" - Ruth M.
Well at least in my case, I married a non-religious, I wouldn't say atheist woman, our daughter is being brought up learning about critical thinking and applying it, as well learning about the religions of the world, however whatever path she wishes to take once she reaches adulthood is up to her.
Now that I am divorcing, I am dating again, my girlfriend is of a catholic background (much like myself, latin america is catholic at least when I was growing up) however she follows it as much as I follow it...which is practically never unless it's a family occasion, weddings, funerals, confirmations and communion type of stuff, we attend but that's about as far as it goes. Beyond that I think that is a very important question to have answered before you get married, I would expect some type of compromise unless your marrying a fundie type.
I'm too old to get that horny to think it doesn't matter. Religious differences do matter and besides my wife wont even let me date other women let alone marry one, she's funny that way.
"Very funny Scotty; now beam down our clothes."
VEGETARIAN: Ancient Hindu word for "lousy hunter"
If man was formed from dirt, why is there still dirt?
My wife is more of an agnostic... it seems to working out pretty well for us... I think trouble occurs when one person is a devout *anything*, and the other isn't... My brother is a Christian... his wife is jewish...and they are working out well also....mainly because neither of them practice...
We also have an Aquaintance who is a "cafeteria Catholic, but whose wife became Born again... He is Fucking MISERABLE
www.RichWoodsBlog.com
Yes, you do sound lucky. I really hope I can get married someday and have kids. I certainly don't plan to be living anywhere even near the bible belt by then, though. My family won't be able to have undue influence that way, since I'll rarely see them (I rarely see them now, anyway, and I live only 125 miles from my brothers). I just really hope whoever I marry has a family that isn't as religious as mine.
Yeah, I've noticed that somewhat also, even in Oklahoma, most people rarely talk about religion and don't consider it important. Yet, if you ask them, they will still call themselves Christians, and will be offended that you are an atheist.
Oh ok, that makes sense, lol.
That sounds pretty cool. I wish I could meet someone that way. I might have to resort to online dating sites or something. I would like to settle down in the not too distant future.
Non-religious/atheist/agnostic/deist/pantheist/irreligious/etc are all the same as far as I'm concerned. All that matters is we agree on a lot of things (but not everything) and that our kids are raised as freethinkers.
So, even though you're an atheist, you still participate in Catholic rituals? Even before I became an atheist, I stopped celebrating most holidays (they're nothing more than an excuse to eat a nice meal with family), and I never did any rituals (besides communion, which I never do anymore, of course). My family very rarely went to church, though.
Yeah, I agree that religious differences do definitely matter, especially if the relationship is serious at all. Well, is your wife an atheist, at least?
What is a "cafeteria Catholic"? I've never heard that one before. Yeah, level of devoutness and openmindedness is probably more important that actual religion in compatibility.
Married since 1988, she is not religious. The few in her family that are religious ( hindus) are never trying to recruit others into their way of thinking that makes life real easy for me. There are a few religios on my side of the family, them I can avoid. One crazy aunt of mine was trying to get my wife to attend a catholic mass with her. The wife handled it great she said "This Sunday Okay, and you can come to the Hindu temple with me on Saturday, I'll borrow a sari from my mother!" Trust me that bigoted catholic never asked again."Very funny Scotty; now beam down our clothes."
VEGETARIAN: Ancient Hindu word for "lousy hunter"
If man was formed from dirt, why is there still dirt?
To me there is a difference between atheist and non-religious (believing in a higher power or a god). However we agree on many things, but not most, like ghosts, paranormal, psychics etc, etc, etc.
I participate in catholic rituals because family is involved and the food and beer afterwards is worth it
, however they all know my religious stance on it all. Like I said it's for family purposes, and so far, today, I avoided it, my GF son had his communion, my daughter had ballet at the same time so I got out of it 
Wow, Hindu? I'm not sure if I've ever talked to a real life Hindu before. It seems most Indians I have met were Muslim/Christian/Non-religious. Then again, maybe the Hindus just don't ever talk about their religion in public. Hindus don't seem to ever try to convert anyone, and neither do Jews. Yeah, your wife did handle that well!
Yeah, I suppose some non-religious people have some foolish beliefs. I don't believe in anything that's supernatural. People who do believe in such things are equivalent to religious people to me.
Rituals and such can be interesting sometimes, and I'll participate in Christmas activities with my family (that's the only religious holiday any of them really celebrate anymore). Even then, all they do is have a big dinner (which I enjoy), decorate the house (which I don't waste my time with), listen to Christmas music (which usually sucks), and exchange gifts (I never buy anyone gifts, mostly because I'm usually too poor).
I don't participate in religious junk. Since my parents know I'm an atheist they do not say grace etc. Christamas time, we just exchange presents. I think they realize that me pretending would be demeaning and falsifying their religion. Picture if you will, a christian friend, trying hard to pretend to be an atheist for you. It would seem...patronizing and lame, seemingly making a farce of your own non-belief.
Yes it would make it fake, and if they put up with you being fake they are lying to themselves somewhere imo.
Faith is the word but next to that snugged up closely "lie's" the want.
"By simple common sense I don't believe in god, in none."-Charlie Chaplin
Unfortunately, my dad still says grace before some meals (especially Christmas and Thanksgiving). I just keep quiet, but I don't close my eyes or bow my head. At least he never asks others to say grace instead.
That would be weird if a Christian pretended to be atheist. I've never really heard of that ever happening, though.
Me either, I just used it as an example.
Faith is the word but next to that snugged up closely "lie's" the want.
"By simple common sense I don't believe in god, in none."-Charlie Chaplin
Really? Not to get too far off topic, but people here are too polite. Whether it's slamming on their brakes with ten cars behind them to let one person pull into traffic because it's the nice thing to do or getting butt hurt because I honked at them for doing 55 in the far left lane. It's highly frowned upon to tell someone they're being an asshole or are incompetent, but perfectly acceptable to waste peoples time or put their safety at risk as long as your hearts in the right place.
The standard Seattleite solution for when someone is being a dick is to avoid eye contact and hope the problem will resolve itself if you just ignore it.
"Faith, Faith is an island in the setting sun,
but proof, proof is the bottom line for everyone."
Proof, Paul Simon
Nothing this hard should taste so beefy.
I wasn't thinking of dickheadedness, I was thinking of every day - letting someone into the line, waiting your turn at a four-way stop sign, not getting flipped off when you are doing the speed limit on a residential road. You know, "we don't have to get mad, everyone is stuck in traffic" sort of attitude. My husband was stuck on I-84 this afternoon for almost two hours - traffic at a standstill because of an accident and all lanes closed. People got impatient, sure, but no one was pissy - what's the use?
Seattle is edgier, Portland is more kicked back. We like where we are. We are where we need to be.
edit: Yeah, there are dickheads in PDX and some road rage. It's not all sweetness and light.
-- I feel so much better since I stopped trying to believe.
"We are entitled to our own opinions. We're not entitled to our own facts"- Al Franken
"If death isn't sweet oblivion, I will be severely disappointed" - Ruth M.
Jesus, she sounds like a real battleaxe dude. My condolences.
"Faith, Faith is an island in the setting sun,
but proof, proof is the bottom line for everyone."
Proof, Paul Simon
Nothing this hard should taste so beefy.
Amen to that. Unfortunately no one ever makes that connection. How many places have you worked where you're expected to pretend like you fucking love it there and if it was up to you you would still get up early every morning to come in? People expect others to put on a show like that all the time and it pretty much disgusts me.
"Faith, Faith is an island in the setting sun,
but proof, proof is the bottom line for everyone."
Proof, Paul Simon
Nothing this hard should taste so beefy.
Eh. I don't think people are rude enough here. Too many people driving with their head up their ass. They need a wake up call and I'm just the kind of person to give it to them. I was thinking about this earlier today. We teach people how to treat us and by extension how to treat others. If an individual finds that a certain behavior or aspect of their character is deemed offensive or annoying by you, they will either avoid that in your presence or avoid you. If they see a pattern develop among others they will eventually seek to alter or mute the undesirable qualities. Yet what always seems to happen is that the individual that causes the problem is not as offensive to people as the one who calls bullshit is. Driving in Seattle is a perfect example. I routinely find people defending other peoples right to drive too slow and disregard right of way and lane etiquette and being put off by the fact that I find these driving habits to be rude, dangerous, and obstructive.
I want to know what would happen if people instead opened up and lent their weight to the argument of the person admonishing the asshole instead of telling the person speaking up to let it go because "what are you gonna do"? Say for instance you're in a theater and some prick is talking, so you shush them or otherwise tell them to can it (This has happened to me.). The asshole protests and you shoot back that you didn't pay to listen to them and someone tells you to shut up. WTF? How about piling on the first offender instead and letting them know that everyone in the theater thinks they're an asshole? How much longer would this behavior carry on? Would they be less inclined to do this the next time they see a movie? Would their friends be less inclined to invite them along knowing a confrontation is imminent?
When people are being assholes they need to be insulted, flipped off, embarrassed and generally shamed for their behavior. Enough of this meek, turn the other cheek bullshit. The behaviors you mentioned are directly related to people who have not been properly reminded of their place in the universe.
"Faith, Faith is an island in the setting sun,
but proof, proof is the bottom line for everyone."
Proof, Paul Simon
Nothing this hard should taste so beefy.
Driving, I am one of the people who gets so irritated with people who live in their own little world when driving. I am constantly doing stupid shit like making sure if I pull out in a 2 lane I pull out in the lane the approaching vehicle is NOT in. Man that is just stupid. I often stop far enough away from the back of a vehicle at a stop light to let someone in. More stupid. If I do pull out in front of someone, I'm glad I have a peppy little 6 cylinder. I gas it and make sure they don't have to slow down. What a moron.
I really really wish I could just drive like an ass so maybe it wouldn't irritate me when people do stupid shit to me while driving. It would just be normal, but I feel like I'm the abnormal one at this point. No fukin common courtesy anymore, but, I do smile on the very rarest of occasions when someone does something courteous on the road.
I have never done the road rage thing, but I had an incident a little while back with a "cowboy". I'm waiting at the intersection to get on a highway and this guy in a pickup guns it, so I can't pull out in front of him, yea you could hear his glass packs as he gunned it. So I get behind him..he slows down to 5 below the speed limit. I was irritated, so I rode his ass. He made the next turn I needed to make so, I rode his ass, he is really crawling at 20 in a 30 now. He slams on his brakes in the middle of the street, gets out and throws his cowboy hat in the bed of his truck like some weird bad ass. I step out of my little car and he takes a step back. I laughed at him, and then he starts spewing about I better have insurance. I guess he thought I was some little geek type in my sonata lol. He got back in his truck and drove the speed limit =)
Faith is the word but next to that snugged up closely "lie's" the want.
"By simple common sense I don't believe in god, in none."-Charlie Chaplin