Throwing yourself at women gets you nowhere. I don't think it is wise to have someone you are pining for living under the same roof with you, especially after she has said she is not interested. It seems to me you are more in love with the idea of being in love, than actually being in love.

Love is not, "Look how attracted I am to you"

Don't set yourself up for disappointment and don't think because you are attracted to her, that she has to be attracted to you. Life doesn't work that way.

When I was young I thought, "If they could only feel what I am feeling". The reality is they won't always feel about you what you feel about them. 

The Reality is when you really fall in love it is mutual, not forced. It is not a one way street,  and it is something that goes way beyond physical attraction or hormones. You have your entire life ahead of you, you don't need to jump into something merely because of your emotions. In fact, purely going on emotions is how most people end up making mistakes.

Utopias don't exist and if she says she is not interested, I would let it go, and I most certainly wouldn't ruin any friendship by having her move in with you when she has already stated she is not interested.

Well dude, have you considered hookers?

The really hot ones usually want quite a bit of money. The less hot ones know that they can't get big cash.

Then there are drunk chicks in bars. If you play the game right, you can get your pee pee inside her pee pee for the cost of your bar tab.

After that, you are left with date rape drugs.

Or you could try being a normal human being.

OK Brian, what part of the OP does not come off as “How do I get her pants off”?

Seriously, are we supposed to give him advise on which cologne will charm her out of her clothing?

Well Brian, it is of course true that all atheists know how to charm hot chicks out of their clothing. We can force them to make mad passionate love to us. Heck but everyone else can, at best, get them to scream “OH GOD!” but when we do it the exact same hot chick will scream “OH NOTHING!” Major win for us.

That does not mean that I am going to tell Terelack the secret.

Um, either that or I am an atheist who just happens to have a moral sense that forcing hot chicks to have sex is, well, a fucked up thing.

If he is sporting wood that badly, then he needs to get laid. He has options that are open to him.

An old and ugly meth addict will cost like $20.

A hot pole dancer will cost like $200.

A drunk chick will cost whatever his bar tab comes out to be. She may even be hot. The next day, he will have to deal with the fact that he only got laid because she was piss drunk.

Or he could try having an adult relationship. It will take some time and he will probably have a few theoretical girlfriends before he connects but the fact is that chick like to get laid too. If that was not true, then why would there be lesbians?

Well, that is a non sequitur. 

If chicks didn't like to get laid they wouldn't get drunk in the first place is closer to reality.

I don't think he was looking for advice on getting a one night hook up. This guy sounds serious, all I was doing was pointing out reality in that just because you might feel something for somebody, doesn't mean they will feel the same thing for you.

All your advice was good except for the illegal stuff, if he wanted a one night stand. LOL

I took his post as that he was serious about having a long term relationship with her.

Welcome to marriage

Wow, a woman moving in ? I speeded up the work, overcame myself and sent you preliminary version. I really should provide you the advice faster because you'll need it so soon.
It is mostly about orienting myself in your strengths and weaknesses. I also recommended the book Men are from Mars, women from Venus, I wonder if this is any new book to you.

Lol! thank you for your answers! I posted this just to take a break of my usual posts and see what kind of comments would I get. I didn't say much about the situation but I'll say more...

We've known each other for about 12 years. Now we live about 150km appart. She is unemployed and I got something for her here for about at least 20 to 30 days. That's why she's moving in temporarily.

She practically knows everythoing about me and I about her. Although I didn't say much Sandycane was very perceptive...

I should do that! I'm so stupid sometimes because I really melt before a woman that I like... I guess I'm just a romantic asshole... who can't control himself...hey maybe that's my problem... I don't do any schemes... I didn't want to resort to a hooker... but if my fasting lasts much longer I guess I will have to do that! Problem is I really don't want a one night stand...

Sandycane, no she isn't totaly disgusted by me... You're right about that.

No, but it's something similar to that, I'll not get to further details...

Brian! You're absolutely right! I can't even tell you how right you are! I wasn't looking for advice, as I didn't even ask any questions... I was just talking... Problem is that I'm having dificulty finding that "reality":

Why is this I don't know... it's kind of a big mystery to me, even bigger than God! Lol!

I'm not in love with anyone right now (thank God!)... But I knew something today that made me very upset and mad at myself. I knew that a friend of mine that I liked about one year ago, has been with another person... I got very jelous about this! I shouldn't be! This got me mad at myself! She treated me very bad at the time... I forgave her, we still speak to each other... what I don't understand is why I was jelous of this! Damn! I'm so stupid!

Luminon! I'm going to read your email now! Thanks!

Are you talking about reading the book, 'Men are from Mars...'? I read it a while ago, didn't like it, can't recall why...I think the author was being a bit  male chauvinistic, maybe? There were some good parts, though.

Here's something else to think about:

She is unemployed and you found her some work. She hasn't 'accepted' you before now...if you come on to her now, she may think you are expecting a favor in return for the favor you are doing for her (finding work). In a way, you would be paying for the favor. She may feel obligated to you for the favor and accept you out of a sense of gratitude. I don't think you want that, do you?

Under the circumstances, I would stick with the playing hard to get strategy. If it works and she comes on to you, hold your ground and don't give in to your feelings. Tell her you just wanted her there to help her out. She should really respect you for this and if she has romantic feelings for you at all now, they would only get stronger if you keep your pants on while she is in the same room with you.

You really have nothing to lose and everything to gain by playing it this way.

I can't stand game-playing in a relationship but, still, there are some rules that, if followed, will get you a better chance of success. For some reason, the human animal wants most the thing it can't have and the harder one works to get something, the more precious it is to them.

Good luck, you seem like a decent guy who deserves a nice girl. Don't settle for anything less...I was joking about the hooker.

This is what I am getting at. Jealousy, is a human emotion, but as natural as it may be, it is NOT a mature emotion. It reflects childish insecurity.

You can only control yourself, other people are not your property. If you don't like what someone else is doing, once you have expressed it, if they want to work with you, they will, but if they don't, then it is up to you to move on. Do not torture yourself trying to get people to do what you want. Consent, and mutual cooperation are the only thing that can make a relationship healthy. Guilt trips don't work and will drive a person further away from you, not closer.

I am 43, I have dated, been married and now divorced. I will not get into a relationship just because I might find someone attractive. There are far worse things in life than being single and alone. And the jealous women I did date, I didn't date long. They sucked the life out of me and their paranoia was childish and insecure.

One thing I loved about my x-wife is that we were never jealous of each other. I never worried about her talking to other men, and she never got offended if my head turned to look at a hot chick. What was important was that at the end of the day we were together and that was what was important. We parted for other reasons. She still wanted to conquer the world and I was ready to settle down in one place.

But even for those reasons she left me, it would have been selfish of me to try to make her feel something she didn't feel and do something she didn't want to do.

Maturity is being adult enough to realize that when two people are not on the same page, then the best thing to do is to move on. Trying to force a square peg into a round whole over your own insecurities will do nothing but bring you needless pain, including being treated like a doormat.

I am very cynical of any type of jealousy. As I said, all ranges of human emotions are natural, but that doesn't mean the person is mature enough to handle their emotions.

Not once did I ever consider having sex with other women, when I was dating my wife and married to her. But I would have dumped her in a heartbeat if she had pulled the same shit those prior pulled with me. I see nothing wrong with looking and even fantasizing about others. My wife would watch porn with me. The only thing about it she didn't like was that she complained that most of the men, compared to the women, were ugly. But she didn't think I didn't love her because I found someone's tits or ass hot.

I was very happy with her and it was her choice to leave me, not mine, and she left me for other reasons and I had to do the right thing and let her be happy, even though I wasn't part of her future.

I guess I am the type that doesn't like games. If you and I were dating, for example, and I we were at a party and I started talking to other women, and you reacted to that with jealousy, I would dump you, PERIOD.

I can find someone hot and not act on it. I am not going to feel guilty about what my eyes see and punish myself for natural thoughts. If I change my mind about who I am dating and want to start dating someone else, I will tell the person I am dating and end it.

But again, I loved my x-wife, and the biggest reason was her self confidence and security in herself. As the old saying goes, "It is ok to look at the menu, you just cant eat off of it".

The only problem with acting on it is not that you want to act on it, but HOW you go about doing it. If you find yourself really wanting to go beyond merely looking, then the right thing to do is tell the one you are with and break it off so that you can pursue this new interest.

Those who "cheat" and I hate that word, which is a separate topic by itself. But those who do that are the ones who fear the honesty with their partner.  The dishonesty is the issue, not the desire itself.

If you really want something that bad then you should be honest with the person you are with, if you don't have the moral maturity to do such, then you shouldn't be in any relationship in the first place. LYING IS THE ISSUE.

Lying to your partner shows a lack of maturity and insecurity. You cannot fear losing someone and it shows a lack of respect to them if you are willing to lie. My wife knew it would hurt me by telling me she didn't love me any more. If she had feared that because of some utopia script society sold her, she would have "cheated" on me. But because she did the right thing, no matter how much it hurt, the honesty was far better and in the end we were both better off.

You are mistaking the act of sex being the crime when the lying is what is immoral.

How do I like you now? I wouldn't date you, that is for sure. You might be a nice person, but I think dwelling in utopias is unhealthy.

Nice! Pretty controversial comments here!

No, I don't want that. In fact I'm not expecting anything... That way I wont get disapointed. Whatever happens is always a gain. We've known each other long enough to realize where the limits are.

You know, I'm going to start counting how many times I've been told this... it must be a record! Surely, I've been told this by tens of girls... For one this makes me feel good but on the other hand I can't help but to feel disapointed to hear this. Anyway, I guess I thank you...

Translation: You can do schemes as long as I don't figure them out... If I ever find out you're game-playing, you are out mister! 

Brian I don't know if you understood me correcly... but I totally agree with you. That's why I got mad at myself for being jelous of a person that I thought I was not interested anymore, just because she's been in bed with another man!... We can't avoid our feelings, they are instinctive, but we can control them and train them... well maybe this friend who's comming over can make me forget all about it...

I love house cats. What is the litter box test? 

Brian, you have my respect. I like honesty! And you seem an honest guy! Of course finding other tits or asses hot is not love! You seem a brave and adult man. But man, she has a point, I've seen this happen a lot: inticing other people jelosy can make miracles, game playing works often. Although I'm like you, I can't do that, I think it's wrong and I'm not very good at it... Your wife found women more beautiful than men?!

You women seem to put this forward all too often... Although it may seem true it is not... it's an exaggeration. Everyone has their sexes in their heads...

I am really, really tired of seeing women around me who had the chance of getting the right guy and end up with the wrong one. When things don't work out (very often) they put the guilt on all men being the same, they never assume any self mistake for poor intelligence when choosing a guy. They are too much emotional and get tricked by this. Women hormones control them much more than they think. This is proven by their blindness of some guys they date... You women also have a problem and it's only up to you to figure out how to overcome it.

I don't agree

Not true... really. Most men only use porn just to get stimulation when they can't have it by other means. But I agree that the choosing of the type of porn a man watches defines his sexual character.

This is naive. Everyone thinks everything! That doesn't mean a lack of love or interest for the other. Human thought is chaotic. Women also fantasize with other men. Often these fantasies are just that, innocent and even beneficial... only when this fantasy becomes an obsession things can really go wrong and you'd need to put your relationship into perspective.

She on her way now, she must be here any second... I'll keep you posted... LOL

I guess I wouldn't pass the litter box test... I'm much too young for you anyways 

By The way you talk you seem a younger person!

Well... and I guess, I admit, you had a little obsessed husband...

Make sure and give us a play by play.  Use your phone to post once every 60 seconds.  Maybe a Twitter feed

 I hate that SOB.  

Beyond Saving,

Your reply seems logical enough and on a certain level, I can agree with you but, in reality, where (sometimes illogical) human emotions are involved, personally, I can not operate in a relationship that way. I guess I'm old fashioned that way.

Even though I do believe that the human animal isn't designed to be monogamous, I feel that we should try. Everything in our modern society has become disposable. I don't think that relationships should be. If you care enough for (love) another person to make some kind of commitment to them, there should also be trust and I think that trust should include knowing that your partner is going to be faithful.

Now, there are circumstances where sex outside of the relationship can be agreed on - like if one person is an invalid. Bottom line: if both partners agree with the activity, then it's no ones business but theirs. What is right for one couple is not necessarily right for another. The trick is finding the right partner who shares your beliefs....and knowing when it's time to move on when one or the other changes.

But male and female sexuality are not the same things. I left both my marriage and my last long relationship - the latter 9 years on and off - because there was barely any sex happening at all. The idea a woman can ask a man to devote his relentless sexuality to her complete disinterest and even mockery is quite beyond me. In my last relationship my partner would consent to sex after 6 weeks or more and only when the issue had caused a fight and the resulting intimacy felt like a disgusting imposition. By the end of that relationship I'd retreated so far into myself I couldn't look at my partner naked and had forgotten how to kiss.

It's far better to be single and able to please yourself in your own space without complaint or judgment than to be in a relationship that from a male perspective, is completely dysfunctional. I think if each gender could live in the other's skin and understand the biological imperatives involved we might get somewhere but that cannot be. I don't think some porn is a bad thing. Personally, I'm into still shots and my imagination. I've always wished for some one who could own that every day part of me completely but experience has taught me that's a pretty silly expectation for a man to have.