Santa Loves You More

You may hear people say

Or see it on a billboard

Or read it written inside a toilet stall

That God loves you

Well now

That may be all fine and dandy for some people

But I’m here to let you know

That you can do a whole hell of a lot better than God

Santa loves you more

Would Santa Claus let you burn in a fiery hell

For all of eternity?

No

Of course not

That wouldn’t be very jolly of him now would it?

He might check his list

To see if you’ve been naughty or nice

But he’s not going to crawl down your chimney while you sleep

To murder you

And your wife

And your children

And your livestock

And to pimp out your virgin daughters

If it turns out that you are on the naughty list

You just won’t get any presents that year

That’s all

He’ll even give you another chance

Every year

To make the cut

He won’t black ball you forever

He won’t prevent you from getting off the naughty list

And onto the nice list

He’s not some blood thirsty sick-o like that God character

He won’t test your faith with a command to kill your only child

He won’t strike you dead for gathering fire wood on the day of the Sabbath

He does not require sacrifice

He just asks that you be nice

He wants to hook you up with presents

All he wants in return is some cookies and milk

To give him the energy he needs to finish his route

Santa’s way cooler than God

He’s got his little elf helpers

His flying reindeer

And foxy Momma Claus

With all her sexy thickness

Baking him all sorts of cookies

Serving him ice cold beer

And keeping that rosy smile on his face

If you catch my drift

Wink wink

What does God have?

Something up his ass for all I can tell

He needs to be medicated

And taken off the streets

How exactly does he love you?

By sending his only begotten son to be crucified

So that you don’t have to fry in eternal damnation?

How romantic

God would send you to eternal torment

But will show you loving mercy

If you cover yourself with the blood of Jesus

It’s all good as long as his thirst for blood is quenched

What a swell guy

Who wouldn’t want to spend an eternity with him?

If you think that’s love

Then maybe you need to be medicated as well

You can find a better love than God’s twisted affection

Have a few beers

Set aside faith and think about it

Don’t lie to yourself

Quit making excuses for God

He treats you like shit

His love might end up killing you one day

Face it

There’s no denying it

You know it’s true

Santa loves you more

And he doesn’t need blood to show his love

Just some good behavior on your part

A little milk and cookies here and there

And a hell-less love will be yours for the believing

If there’s no way around it

If you have to believe in a fairy tale

Choose Santa

He loves you more