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Create a Deity or Two
Posted on: February 4, 2011 - 7:40pm
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Create a Deity or Two
Let's say you were a deity and could create a religion/philosophy, what kind of deity (or deities) would you create? What would your religion be about?
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Well, first of all, this God would be a really intelligent, nice person, not a schizophrenic narcissist like many of the Gods being worshiped today. Male or female is fine; maybe God can change his gender at will. The person would be very powerful and knowledgeable, but not omni-anything as that would be incoherent. Prevents death except in old age and stuff like starvation, disease, etc. Disease in old age maybe, as long as it's not very painful. Unfortunately, then there would be overpopulation; perhaps he would limit the number of children a person can have to 2 or 3. Or, if that is too controlling, he could give us other planets to colonize nearby, so we don't have to worry about overpopulation.
Hmmm, he should make it clear to people that he exists. Talk to them and stuff. An afterlife sounds nice. People get healthy young bodies again after they die. Perhaps everybody will be in their early 20s? That seems like peak physical condition. Ah, but he shouldn't tell people there's an afterlife, because then they might not value this life. Oh, but that's kind of dishonest. Anyways, people can live for.....1 million years in the afterlife or until whenever they decide they don't want to exist anymore. Endless supply of alcohol and drugs and no health problems. No hangovers. Can choose to stop being addicted at will.
That's about it for now.
Our revels now are ended. These our actors, | As I foretold you, were all spirits, and | Are melted into air, into thin air; | And, like the baseless fabric of this vision, | The cloud-capped towers, the gorgeous palaces, | The solemn temples, the great globe itself, - Yea, all which it inherit, shall dissolve, | And, like this insubstantial pageant faded, | Leave not a rack behind. We are such stuff | As dreams are made on, and our little life | Is rounded with a sleep. - Shakespeare
being a monotheistic god would be ever so boring...
I would need a pantheon of gods to fight aside and against, in both power and minions, anything less would be a dreadfully boring eternity...
What Would Kharn Do?
Futurama did an excellent show on Bender becoming God ("Godfellas"
. It demonstrated how difficult it would be to be god. Just way too many problems. I love that show and still have it on my DVR.
If I was god and could not only see the future but have the power to change my decisions I would not feel a need to create humans, they are such a hassle. they all want to be god and control the shit out of each other thru manipulation all the way to war. I would have stopped at the common ancestor of the great apes. I would bless the earth with good weather, gentle rains at night. All these "acts of god" would not happen under my watch. I would not create so many defects in living things. I would have planned it out better rather than on a whim after trillions, gazillions of years of boredom, suddenly create the heavens and earth in 6 days. The lack of quality really shows on that one. I think I would start small with say a single cell organism and give that some time before I took the next step to more complex organism. If things got out of hand, I would probably stop that from continuing. If I broke down and created humans I would not need them to incessantly worship me. I need some down time and really don't need all that chatting going on. Why would I create them so needy? That really isn't my bag. I would create them to come up with their own solutions instead of coming to me for every little thing. Since I took say 13 billion years to build this up I wouldn't create so many disasters. Just a bit of quality control thrown it.
Something all these lines.
But as Donald Rumsfield said - Sometimes you have to worship the god you have, not the one you want
Religion Kills !!!
Numbers 31:17-18 - Now kill all the boys. And kill every woman who has slept with a man, but save for yourselves every girl who has never slept with a man.
http://jesus-needs-money.blogspot.com/
If I am now officially HarleyGod, these would be my commandments :
Have all the fun that you wish (don't worry about harm, I just waved my magic motorcycle wrench and ensured that no one will get hurt)
Cancel all of your health and car insurance payments (I just waved my magic motorcycle wrench and did away with all health problems and traffic injuries)
Don't pay your taxes (As your new god, I'll just create huge sums of money for any public works)
Don't pay your utility bills any more (from now on, all electricity is now a gift from me as your new god)
Gasoline is now a magic fuel that I create with a wave of the magic motorcycle wrench, so there is no more need of oil refineries or paying for fuel, cancel all your gas cards, throw away any coupons
Interplanetary travel has now been made easy. I have just changed all of the planets in the solar system to look exactly like Earth and we now have plenty of room for everyone to move around. Go to whichever planet you would like to. All are now wealthy, there is no more homelessness, no more famine, and no more diseases. I will make more planets as your new god for ideal relocation as our population increases, worry not.
Eat all of the unhealthy food that you wish, with a wave of the magic motorcycle wrench, unhealthy food is now good for you.
Your lives are your own to do with whatever you please. If any little city council or local government, or government agency starts passing a bunch of laws to mess with your pursuits of happiness, I will smote them down.
No Churches, No Statues, No Idols to honor me. I am here to make my creations happy and not the other way around.
For HarleyGod so loves the world, he even shows his grace to people that prefer to ride Yamahas and Hondas.
“It is proof of a base and low mind for one to wish to think with the masses or majority, merely because the majority is the majority. Truth does not change because it is, or is not, believed by a majority of the people.”
― Giordano Bruno
This sounds fun. I particularly like the magic motorcycle wrench. Pizza and beer every night! Whoooo!!
-- I feel so much better since I stopped trying to believe.
"We are entitled to our own opinions. We're not entitled to our own facts"- Al Franken
"If death isn't sweet oblivion, I will be severely disappointed" - Ruth M.
Methinks HarleyGod should probably get some action,too. I mean if you're going to make the universe a wonderful place, you don't want to just sit around and do nothing now would you?
If I were a deity, I wouldn't bother with an afterlife, we could just have everyone be eternal. I'd increase the logic centers of the humans...ah fuck it, I'd just make everyone elves. Everlasting life, extremely beautiful, magical and no fucking overpopulation!
So wool and linen mixing is A-Okay? Then I'm in!
Personally, I'd go the way of giving humans (heck, all creatures) eternal or near-eternal life (depending on their desires). I'd have to put a few safety locks on the universe so my creations wouldn't hurt themselves too badly while I was out.
Also, I'd probably need a cast of subordinate deities to accompany me and make the world a bit more interesting. (Oyulak, "The Evil Lord of Internet Outages)
hehe, I work for a telecom company, I know that fucker very well, we battle him on daily basis. I guess his special powers are increasing the Ingress to Noise ratio on the return to godly levels.
"Don't seek these laws to understand. Only the mad can comprehend..." -- George Cosbuc
I like that idea. So I'll add it in to the Commandments. Party at my celestial heavenly city palace every saturday and sunday, everything is free.
“It is proof of a base and low mind for one to wish to think with the masses or majority, merely because the majority is the majority. Truth does not change because it is, or is not, believed by a majority of the people.”
― Giordano Bruno
OK, first off, there will be none of this starting with light and then frittering away half the allotted time before getting around to a light source. Gene Simmons does better work than that.
Second, all guitarists are on notice that they need the bass player to set a beat or they are pretty much dead in the water. You can all have the trim that I pass up. And there will be plenty of nice trim to go around, so you will get yours, you just will not be acting like it was you that made the trim happen.
There will be two commandments:
Rock and Roll all night.
Party every day.
There will be no VD whatsoever. Seriously, what was old yahweh thinking of when he came up with that one? For that matter, birth control is not only allowed, women will all come with two vaginas. One for having babies and one for not having babies. They will both feel equally good for both parties so that having a baby is clearly something that both parties have to agree to.
In order for that to work, childbirth will not be painful. Yet another of yahweh's stupid mistakes.
Disease? Yah, that is just part of evolution. You really can't have all the fun stuff like lions, pandas and kangaroos unless you pay some price. However, the ones that kill you slowly over many years are off the table. When it is time to die, it will be over in, at most, a day or two.
Gene Simmons will talk to people at times. Not to answer prayers or stuff like that. That much is dealt with trivially:
Do you know what you want? You don't know for sure
You don't feel right, you can't find a cure
And you're gettin' less than what you're lookin' for
You don't have money or a fancy car
And you're tired of wishin' on a falling star
You gotta put your faith in a loud guitar
As far as him talking to people, the basic message is:
Yah, I am here. I want the best for all of you. Do whatever you want to do. There are hardly any sins of note and none of them really end you up with eternal torment.
The small sins are the ones where if you do them, it is gonna suck for a while but if you learn from your mistakes and stop doing them, then you are good to go.
The bigger sins are the ones that cause you to lose your job. If you do that stuff, then you deserve what you get.
Well, the whole covering for priest who rape altar boys thing is really messed up. You gotta spend a few thousand years in hell for that one. But eventually, you are gonna get let out. Stuff like robbing and murdering people, yah people go to hell for that stuff for a good long time too. Still, everyone gets a second chance eventually.
Saints? I don't really see the need for them. If you really want to pray to them, I would suggest Saint Jaco Pastorius. He died for the faith (beaten to death by a bouncer for doing what he felt like while he was wasted).
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jaco_Pastorius#Death
The guy who killed him? Yah, hell for a good long while. At least as long as the priests who rape altar boys.
Past that, I fail to see why people need to be dead to be cool. Nor do I see why one needs to pray to them. I would rather that you spend some time finding about the ones who are still alive to see if they can give you any insight.
Bass players such as Bootsy Collins, Les Claypool and Victor Wooten are all involved in projects designed to help people become better bass players. They hardly charge anything as they do it all over the internet. Just check the relevant web sites and you can find a wealth of information on how to get rocking.
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Oh, duh!
For some reason, I was thinking that I would make a really cool afterlife, and keep this world essentially intact. But, what's the point of that? It's a lot more meaningful to just have one really long life and make that life really really awesome.
How about this, you guys? Lord Butter will grant everyone the power to wish any male or female that they can imagine into existence, and it'll do anything you will it to, like the sex slave of your dreams. Hmmmm, but unfortunately, it'll just have to be a really dumb robot. It might be a moral problem if they were too intelligent.
Our revels now are ended. These our actors, | As I foretold you, were all spirits, and | Are melted into air, into thin air; | And, like the baseless fabric of this vision, | The cloud-capped towers, the gorgeous palaces, | The solemn temples, the great globe itself, - Yea, all which it inherit, shall dissolve, | And, like this insubstantial pageant faded, | Leave not a rack behind. We are such stuff | As dreams are made on, and our little life | Is rounded with a sleep. - Shakespeare
I don't know about that Butter. It sounds to me as if you have invented the product at realdoll.dot.com.
Now if they were no longer allowed to charge far more than the cost to produce the product, then Gene Simmons might be on board with that.
On the other hand, if all women have a second cunt that was non-reproducing, that would be good too.
Do it that way and there will never be another paternity suit.
Really, dude is happy with option B and nothing much comes of it. Woman insists on option A and it is her responsibility.
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Psh, I've seen that website. That stuff is laaaammme. It can't even move by itself. Lol.
I'm suggesting something that feels and behaves exactly like a real human, except it is not intelligent. And, it perfectly obeys your every command. Perhaps something like that will be possible in a couple thousand years, if technology continues to advance at its current rate.
Well, that seems a bit cumbersome and weird. We could just have one set of equipment for everybody but have on/off reproduction switches. In other words, it's going feel the same either way, but you don't make babies unless both of you choose to do so.
Our revels now are ended. These our actors, | As I foretold you, were all spirits, and | Are melted into air, into thin air; | And, like the baseless fabric of this vision, | The cloud-capped towers, the gorgeous palaces, | The solemn temples, the great globe itself, - Yea, all which it inherit, shall dissolve, | And, like this insubstantial pageant faded, | Leave not a rack behind. We are such stuff | As dreams are made on, and our little life | Is rounded with a sleep. - Shakespeare
The anthropomorphic nature of the proposed RRS deities. We are simply forced to make gods in our likeness and to give them qualities that we value. Gods say a good deal about us and nothing whatever about gods. Xanophanes was right. If horses and cattle could paint, they'd paint gods with hooves.
"Experiments are the only means of knowledge at our disposal. The rest is poetry, imagination." Max Planck
What an interesting question! I'm afraid I don't have a perfect answer. However, I've always liked the dynamics of Greek mythology~ perhaps I'm biased, since I am half Greek. But I like having multiple gods with human qualities and quirks, like the Greek gods did, because it makes things more interesting. And it also shows that even the gods aren't above petty emotions like jealousy, lust, narcissism, etc~ unlike Christianity, Islam, and other mainstream religions that condemn such behaviors and ask followers to repress these emotions, the actions of the Greek gods set an example that says that there is no shame in being human.
So I guess I would have other gods and goddesses to "rule" with me. They would all be very different, both in appearance and personality~ our Mount Olympus would be kind of like one of those houses on "The Real World," lol. A lot of different and volatile personalities combined together.
I'm not sure exactly what aspect of humanity I would rule over~ I've always been partial to Aphrodite and Athena, since those are the names of my mother and aunt, respectively. Maybe a combination of the two~ passion and knowledge. Both are things that I think are important.
I (we?) would spend a lot of time on Earth, similar to the Greek gods. Come and talk to people, seduce people, give them advice, fight with them... whatever. They would definitely know that we exist. No made up stories or messages subject to interpretation here.
People would get a lot of time on earth; maybe everyone gets 1000 years or so. And none of this going downhill after age 60 or so; people would retain their youthfulness until maybe the last 50 years or so. Because what fun is it to live several hundred years as an old person? Well, I don't think that is most peoples' idea of fun, anyway. Oh, and people would retain their fertility for a long time, too, so that you wouldn't have women like me wondering how they will fit a PhD and having 4 children in before the age of 40. (Yes, current bf and I both want at least 4, so we can be atheist versions of those quiverfull people.) It's ridiculous to have to overlap your childbearing years with your learning years. Under my "system," people would have plenty of time to do both, and focus on one thing at a time, if they so choose.
Plus, allowing people to have 1000 years would allow them to truly have a major impact on the world~ think of all the research one person could get done, and all the knowledge they could amass and share with the younger generations.
I'm trying to come up with something about disease. I want to say "no disease" and "no debilitating congenital conditions," but my definition of "debilitating" is subjective. Like blindness, or inability to walk, are things that I consider to be debilitating, but some people that "suffer" from such conditions actually think that it is something that makes them unique, and couldn't imagine not being that way. And I am not sure where mental health issues fall on this spectrum either~ I myself am bipolar, although I am now under treatment for it; but I would not be the same person if I had not gone through the severe manias and depressions. So maybe I would just leave disease alone... it wouldn't be fair, and it wouldn't be a perfect world, but who can define perfect? And even the gods aren't perfect, so really the world would just mimic that, I guess.
There would still be wars, there would still be disease, there would still be class differences, people would still get hurt. That's what the human experience is all about, and I guess to lose those things is to lose humanity. So I guess we wouldn't be very helpful gods, lol. We would give advice, but ultimately, we wouldn't really be able to control humans. We would not be all-powerful, or even all-knowing. We would just be immortal caricatures of humanity.
So, that's all I can think of right now. I guess things wouldn't be that different than they are now, haha.
I think I would create a deity based on beer.
Why? The answers are simple. If you're an atheist, and...
The possibilities of a Beer God are endless. More and more people turn to beer or liquor rather than God, and justifiably so. The Beer God might not give you eternal salvation or peace, and it might cause you to gain a bit of weight and eventually pickle your liver... but at least every time you come in contact with a Beer God you enjoy every fizzy, hoppy swig you take. The end of each "prayer session" (or, sitting at the bar for hours) would be wonderfully concluded with a loud belch, and a stumble to your car where you fiddle with your keys long enough for a passing police officer to notice that you are having difficulty getting it into the right hole.
So, I say unto you my friends, come! Drink me! For I am your Beer God, and I will be the true pardon for all of your sins... although during certain rites of passage you may end up making an ass of yourself and falling asleep naked on the kitchen table of your buddy's house with one hand sitting in a bucket of vomit and the other holding a half empty beer, as a dog licks unknown cake frosting off from between your thighs... but it will be a good story in the end!
Tell 'em that God's gunna cut you down.
Ch3sty1775, I suggest for your god one of these names Dionysus or Bacchus
Religion Kills !!!
Numbers 31:17-18 - Now kill all the boys. And kill every woman who has slept with a man, but save for yourselves every girl who has never slept with a man.
http://jesus-needs-money.blogspot.com/
My first requirement would be the abolishment of other gods/religions.
I created the Earth in 6 hours, so I'm 24x better than the largely imaginary abrahamic God.
Being stupid would be the only unforgivable sin.
Being irrational/petty/childish in a manner not beyond a measure of self-effective control (I.e. disregarding psychiatric illness) causes instantaneous, agonizing death.
Unlike other deities, I'm can be believed in because I actually exist.
“A meritocratic society is one in which inequalities of wealth and social position solely reflect the unequal distribution of merit or skills amongst human beings, or are based upon factors beyond human control, for example luck or chance. Such a society is socially just because individuals are judged not by their gender, the colour of their skin or their religion, but according to their talents and willingness to work, or on what Martin Luther King called 'the content of their character'. By extension, social equality is unjust because it treats unequal individuals equally.” "Political Ideologies" by Andrew Heywood (2003)
I'd magically create true free will (I don't know how, but I don't have to, I'm a god!).
Then I'd make every sentient creature with the capacity to understand the implications into a god like me (everything but omniscient. Who the hell wants that?).
Let sentient beings make their own heaven or hell.
Everything makes more sense now that I've stopped believing.