You might be a fundie if.......
Offline Top 10 list you might be a fundie.
10. An ankle gets you excited
9. You look for dates only on Sunday
8. You believe your underwear is armor
7. You'd arrest a woman for suggesting she be allowed in the Indy 500
6. Soccer fields also double as execution chambers
5. You file a lawsuit because you cant cover your face in a drivers license photo
4. Ned Flaunders is your hero
3. You buy mineral water from Binny Hinn
2. You want Rick Perry to pose in Playgirl
1. We just cant have a nigger as president
"We are a nation of Christians and Muslims, Jews and Hindus -- and nonbelievers."Obama
Check out my poetry here on Rational Responders Like my poetry thread on Facebook under Brian James Rational Poet, @Brianrrs37 on Twitter and my blog at www.brianjamesrationalpoet.blog
- Login to post comments
I had the sound of Jeff Foxworthy's voice in my head while I read the list. But I think you missed a few.....
] if you buy a round trip airline ticket but only plan to use half of the first leg.....
] If your school house & kitchen table are the same place..............
] If you know nothing about the bible.........
] If you believe Jesus rode into Jerusalem on a dinosaur........
] If you can read the Old testament and still believe "god loves me" ...........
] If you believe husbands are the owner/operator of all women.......
] If you are against alcohol because Jesus was ..................
"Very funny Scotty; now beam down our clothes."
VEGETARIAN: Ancient Hindu word for "lousy hunter"
If man was formed from dirt, why is there still dirt?
If when you feel you are losing an argument you change the subject...
If when you lost an argument you respond "well, you are going to hell, I win"...
If you put videos on youtube, disable ratings, only allow approved comments, block atheists, but post how you are all for free speech....
If you believe scientific EVIdence is EVIL, only to make you disbelieve....
If you believe the old testament is done away with yet want to post the 10 commandments in court rooms....
If you call it a miracle finding a steel cross in a pile of building rubble...
If you think it is better to sentence a criminal to a year of church Sundays instead of jail for a month...
If you think an angry, vengeful god is loving and kind....
If you only can refer to one law of thermodynamics....
If you think all other gods are false and only yours is the true one....
Religion Kills !!!
Numbers 31:17-18 - Now kill all the boys. And kill every woman who has slept with a man, but save for yourselves every girl who has never slept with a man.
http://jesus-needs-money.blogspot.com/
p { margin-bottom: 0.08in; }
If you think that America is a christian nation but have never considered which denomination should be the right one.
If you don't realize that your religious liberty is conditioned on keeping your religion out of public schools.
If you haven't ever heard that most of the ten commandment monuments were actually a publicity stunt for the 60 year old Charelton Heston movie of the same title.
If you have never looked in the dictionary to find out if “tithe” is really latin for tenth.
If Benny Hinn can wipe you out from way farther away than Chuck Norris.
If you think that “nothing made everything” is so incoherent that it must require that “something made everything”.
If you think that Pascal's wager is A: a clear directive on what to believe and B: the omni god would not know you were faking it.
=
Good ones, guys! The Hinn/Norris one is awesome. Did you come up with that, AIGS?
p { margin-bottom: 0.08in; }
Ah, natural, they are all original. It took a few smoke breaks to get them all down but once the idea of a Chuck Norris joke came up, well, how could I pass on that?
=
the dude who made hundreds of gallons of wine in a matter of seconds because the host of the party totally fucked up the logistics.
=
That was part of my joke, another example of grossly uninformed christians. btw all that wine drinking in the new testament was hijacked directly from the worship and rituals of the god Bacchus. Roman party goers often prayed to Bacchus to turn their water into wine. Christians claimed J.C. did what the Roman god never got around to.
To be a good Roman host, weather a big party or just a few guests for supper, a guest was served a goblet [chalice] of wine as soon as they were seated. How meny times did this happen to jesus in the gospells? When the guest was heading home the good host would be at the door with a goblet of their best wine for one more "parting shot" often with the ritual words "drink this in rememberence of good times." Does that sound like J.C.'s parting order at the last supper.
"Very funny Scotty; now beam down our clothes."
VEGETARIAN: Ancient Hindu word for "lousy hunter"
If man was formed from dirt, why is there still dirt?
Fore the eyes of a fundie
Are upon you
Any blasphemy you do
He's gonna see
When you're in Texas look behind you
Cause that's where the fundie's gonna be
"We are a nation of Christians and Muslims, Jews and Hindus -- and nonbelievers."Obama
Check out my poetry here on Rational Responders Like my poetry thread on Facebook under Brian James Rational Poet, @Brianrrs37 on Twitter and my blog at www.brianjamesrationalpoet.blog
0.5/35. I pass!
The 0.5?
10. An ankle gets you excited
I've seen some sexy ankles in my day. Pretty much every part of the female form can turn me on. The hair, the ears, the feet, the eyes, the legs, the bum, the breasts, the arms, the waist.....
It all depends who it is.
Enlightened Atheist, Gaming God.
You want a side of fries with that order.
One of my professors in college said women are the highest form of pleasure because they appeal to all 5 senses which is unlike other pleasures of the flesh because they only appeal one or two senses.
Religion Kills !!!
Numbers 31:17-18 - Now kill all the boys. And kill every woman who has slept with a man, but save for yourselves every girl who has never slept with a man.
http://jesus-needs-money.blogspot.com/