Eastaboga, AL

Rick Perry kicked off his Apathy Across America tour in Eastaboga, Alabama today, declaring himself to be the "presidential candidate for every American who hates the government."  A crowd of literally tens of people packed into the high school football stadium to hear the candidate speak.

He went on to say, "It's time to get America working again.  Politics are just a distraction from the troubles of the average hard-working, red-blooded Americans trying to make ends meet in spite of a fascist government that wants to give them health care and let them marry whoever they want."

The candidate seemed to pay little attention to the protestors who made up most of the attendees.  One of the protestors, who declined to be identified, said, "Politics are important.  We have a say in who runs our country, and in how our country is run. Vote now!"

When reached for comment, event organizer Carol Sifell said, "Oh, that's today?  I guess I might swing by after I pick up the kids.  It's at the stadium, right?"

The Rick Perry Alabama campaign office declared the event a success, saying that the candidate clearly had the support of the hundreds of millions of Americans who didn't turn out for the rally.