I've done plenty of boneheaded things, but I generally do my best to forget them so anxiety doesn't follow me everywhere.

I will say, in my experience, it's almost exclusively tied to emotion. When I'm angry I'm not as susceptible for whatever reason, though it still can happen. Interestingly though, my biggest blunders always happen when I'm giddy and excited. Happy to an extreme. It's become such a constant that I now guard myself against that particular state of mind. I even anticipate a crash, which prevents me from being shocked when it happens. And it always happens.

I've seen it reflected in others as well. A young athlete head butts a wall to celebrate his first point in the big leagues and ends up paralysed. An exuberant friend gets himself beaten to death out of mistaken identity (hugged the wrong person at the wrong time and place). And countless other examples.

But that's a bit more serious than you were probably looking for. > >

 I was always losing my keys. Years ago in my apartment I had a high back overstuffed sofa. I sat on it one day to put my shoes on and was getting ready to go out. Then I started looking everywhere for my keys. The thing I hate the most I kept looking in the same places over and over. It was getting very angry and cursing. Then all of sudden I hear a clanking of keys. I reached around and found the keys at the top of my pants just along the belt line. It took me a second but then it hit me. Before I sat down I had put the keys on the back of the sofa. While sitting I was leaning over to put my shoes on, they quietly slid down and lodged at the top of my pants. DOH.

These days I have one place I put my keys and 99% of the put them right there. I am not as careful with my cell phone but the good news is I can call it with my lan line. Everything should have that function.

I hate you, but I cannot hate you after reading this. I HAVE DONE THAT TOO!

Not the jumping part, or the distance part, just the locked doors with the car running. IF THAT IS NOT A FUCK ME MOMENT, I don't know what is.

                   I'm hopeless without glasses, I rarely take them off unless I'm in bed. I had a senior moment recently when I took them off in one room then went to the bathroom then forgot where I left the glasses. So I'm fumbleing around the house squinting to the point of a headache, thinking how much easier this would be if I had my glasses on, [think about it] I find the glasses put them on and continue searching for a few more miutes,  it's easier with the glasses on; untill I remember what I was looking for in the first place. I did stop looking,  sometimes the brain just takes a vacation without warning the rest of you.

I did that, not much time ago.

I remember also that when I was going to school by bus some people were bothering me, so one time I created... an embarassing situation to make them stop, and it sort of... worked.

Another time always on the bus, but many years before the above episode (I was a kid), I was alone with some grown guys (and one or two girls), and I was sitting next to one of these grown guys, then they start talking between themselves. I don't remember how or why, at some point I tell the guy next to me that, because he's short, he seemed young, and hitted in his masculinity he picks me for the collar. Nothing happened, but it was a tense moment.

Then I remember that one time I cursed (a major one, but I don't know if it's the same in english) behind the religion teacher while going down the stairs of the schools. She looked at me pretty bad, but I did't care because I did not follow religion at school. The fact is the coincidence - I very rarely go blapsheming - of doing it behind exactly the wrong person is irritating. Although it could have been worse.

There may be some other episodes, but I'm a calm guy. Nothing important. Generally it's some social awkwardness.

  I had a hard day at work so I wanted to relax and blow off some steam.  I took my bolt action .308 rifle with me and walked to an overpass to shoot at cars.  When I placed the rifle against  my cheek and peered through the scope I couldn't see a damn thing.  Then I realized that I hadn't first removed the plastic lens covers and that's why I couldn't see through my scope.  Boy did I feel stupid.

If I am reading your Hitchenesque account here, you accidentally gassed it and flipped the boat?

Ok, I MIGHT be able to top this. Here goes.

I used to know this guy Mike when I lived in the DC area. He was heavy into the DC rock music scene. He was friends with the Ramones whom I got to meet because of such, not the story here though.

Anywho, he takes me to the "9:30" Club, kinda like the Washington DC version of CBGBs.

So he had been hyping all week this band "Living Colour". I went and they all came out, and played and I was fucking amazed!

But, next morning I get a phone call from Mike. He is pissed as hell at me and shouts "DO YOU KNOW WHAT YOU SAID"(He had taken me back stage to meet them)

I had had much to drink that night and apparently said to Vernon Reed the guitarist "If I had closed my eyes I never would have known you were black"

What I had meant to say looking back at it was "It is nice to see stereotypes broken" But what actually came out deserved an ass kicking. Fortunately for me they took pity on me.

Another boneheaded thing I did.

I AWAYS look for meat on sale at grocery store. I don't care so much about too much fat or too tough, I like meat. So I often buy the cheap stuff in bulk. I also think it is cheaper to cook on the gas grill which saves on electricity.

So anywho,, I found this monster pack of pork stakes dirt cheap. REALLY REALLY FATTY, but tasty. So they kept that cut of pork stake on sale almost the entire summer.

I happily lit the grill to warm up. came back a couple minutes later after it got up to temp, threw the stakes on and went back inside. BTW, not a good idea to have a grill on a covered porch, but I'll get to that in a sec.

So I went back inside and I don't know what caused me to check them so quickly, but I did. When I went out on the porch I noticed the holes on the side of the grill glowing RED, and right then I knew something was wrong. So being a dumb ass, I opened the lid, which give the flames oxygen and the flames SHOT WITHIN INCHES of the roof of the porch. I ALMOST burned my house down. If I had not gone out as quickly as I did simply to check on them, things might have gotten worse.

SO the flames are almost to the roof, but I did not panic. I closed the lid, turned off the gas and pulled the grill to the open side of my porch, and let the fire burn out.

WELL two things caused it. The fat, and THE BUILD UP over the summer at the bottom of the grill that I never cleaned out. I might as well have lit a gas can on fire.

Now mind you, what would have been horrible is that my mom bought me my house, so having to call her just only a year of living here to say "Hey mom, you know that house you bought me?"

So now when I gill I pull the grill to the open front porch.

Geez. Where do I begin. There was a while there when we would come back from walks with the dogs and I would leave the keys in the door. I mean, leave them in for several days. We usually use the garage for going to and from the house. What is worse is they weren't just house keys. They had keys for the cars and work on them, as well as my neighbors homes and more.

It took me almost three years to figure out why I was doing so many bonehead things.

 Did a new one this morning Brian, and this might be the biggest DOH! moment ever. I had a meeting I needed to get to so I didn't have time for my usual pot of coffee. I decided to stop at a gas station and get a cup, not having any cash on me I prepaid for $25 in gas so I wouldn't be running just the dollar and change on my card. I grab my coffee, head out to my car and promptly drive off. About twenty miles later I notice that my gas gauge is slightly under half full... I left $25 in prepaid gas in the pump DOH! Hope whoever pulled up to that pump next really needed it. I am so absent minded someone should just confiscate my drivers license.  

 The other day I was writing some stuff down in my journal and stuck my pen in my mouth to grab the remote and change the channel. I looked around my desk and could not find my pen. I started looking under things and peering around the floor. My girlfriend asked me " Are you looking for something ?,". I took the pen out of my mouth and said "I am looking for the pen that I was just writing with," stuck it back in my mouth and continued looking. 

A couple of seconds later, I realized what I had done. She said she was about to tell me, but was interested to see how long it would take before I figured it out. 

I will often be looking desperately for something while it is in my hand. :|

Like my phone, which I once ran around my house looking everywhere for while I was holding it and flipping it open and closed. *sigh*