How Religion Kills
Offline I just found out tonight that an acquaintance of mine committed suicide last week. He was my bartender for a couple of years and while I wouldn't say we were close friends, we traveled in the same circles, we would go hang out after close, smoke a little and drink a bottle. He was really close friends with a lot of people that I hang out with on a weekly basis. He was openly gay and his family are religious nuts. They basically cut him completely out of the family simply because of his sexual orientation. I know this is something that caused him a great deal of pain, and while I don't know if that is the main factor that led to his suicide, I am sure that it contributed to the problem.
And now tomorrow, I am going to a memorial service to support my friends mourning the loss of a kid who couldn't take the pressure of life after a mere 25 years. I am sad, I knew him, I liked him, but I find the sadness overwhelmed by extreme anger. All I really want to do is grab his parents and beat some fucking sense into them. How can any parent shun their child like that? How can any parent turn their backs to their child simply because he decides he prefers men to women? Fuck you, you bigoted pricks. You left your son without family, without support and why? Because some ancient fucking fantasy book calls him a sinner? If there is anything that makes me wish the fantasy had a little bit of truth, it is assholes like that, because I can't think of anyone more deserving of rotting in hell.
If, if a white man puts his arm around me voluntarily, that's brotherhood. But if you - if you hold a gun on him and make him embrace me and pretend to be friendly or brotherly toward me, then that's not brotherhood, that's hypocrisy.- Malcolm X
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Parents can and do shun their kids unfortunately for many reasons, and it sucks. It is not just for religious reasons, academic, social reasons or disabilities. Some of it is cultural as well, where having a gay son can be viewed as weak, or as a stigma on the father/family. Although religion plays a large part of it, there are religious people that do accept gay children (i know a few parents like that, personally I think that it is becoming a bit more common than when I was a kid). But it is those religious parents that shun their children completely that do the most damage, although some people can deal with it, some simply cannot deal with being shunned by the family at large or being ignored when in group settings, however accepted in private (as in the cases of some families).
With that said, you have my condolences, it is a shame that he choose to end his life instead.
Like you suggested Beyond, it could have been multiple reasons why he chose to exercise that option, ...no way to know for sure. Parental rejection surely must have been mixed in there and that's a shame.
Sorry to hear this; this is not a strange story for me. I had worked for an AIDS out-reach service in Orlando and I would pack food and clothing for the AIDS patients. On break I would sit at the picnic table and talk to all the gay guys about their decision or practice of being gay. How did they tell their parents, how did their families react, etc.
Most of them said they had either a warm reception or parents which "blocked" the discussion out of their minds (like sweeping it under the rug). Only one said their parents had stopped talking to him, forced the other family members to ignore him and that he was basically "dead" to them.
This same guy said that a sister had broken ranks and reached out to him. He thought that it was her being "accepting" but it turned out she was trying to get him in to some "pray away the gay" bullshit. When he rejected her request he was then ridiculed and she stopped talking to him
Only later was he able to connect to a cousin who was also gay and the family accepted him, thus also accepting him. He basically ended up being adopted by them and was invited to all the family functions.
The one thing that always bugged him was that he could never forget his parents or family. He always longed to be loved and accepted by them, but his parents both died with out reconciling their relationships.
It was a very sad story.
Beyond, sorry about your friend.
"We are a nation of Christians and Muslims, Jews and Hindus -- and nonbelievers."Obama
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