Is This a Triangle?
This is a discussion on the problems of ethical pragmatic discourse.
Now hopefully, everyone will agree that figure 1 is a triangle.
However, 2 and 3 are not ideal triangles, but for all practical intents and purposes, someone might say they're "close enough".
On the other hand, another might say that someone's stupid and that they're hexagons.
Calling someone stupid CAN be insulting, but isn't necessarily. If someone doesn't know what one's talking about, then it's an honest assessment. The problem is this can also lead to circular reasoning. People will claim they do know what they're talking about even when they don't, so they claim they're being insulted. This can even happen on accident when someone believes to know what one's talking about, but really doesn't.
On the other hand, people can claim someone really doesn't know what one's talking about, so they claim it's not an insult even when someone does know.
This is especially problematic when discussing abstract concepts which don't have concrete benchmarks to compare against. You can't refer to facts there because there are no facts to refer to. Even when facts do exist when referring to concrete situations, those facts have to be interpreted. It's possible that people call each other stupid because they have a disagreement over interpretation style.
It's also possible that someone deliberately interprets something poorly, and provokes another into calling one stupid where it's well-deserved.
How do we fix this?
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Stupid means that a person has low intelligence and is almost always meant as an insult. If you simply mean to point out that a person is not knowledgeable about a particular subject without being insulting the proper word would be "ignorant". A very smart person can be ignorant, they can't be stupid. So if you are worried about accidentally insulting someone, you should probably avoid the word stupid.
If, if a white man puts his arm around me voluntarily, that's brotherhood. But if you - if you hold a gun on him and make him embrace me and pretend to be friendly or brotherly toward me, then that's not brotherhood, that's hypocrisy.- Malcolm X
A triangle (as the name states) has three angles. It also has three sides. It has other unique properties that identify it as a triangle, such as that all angles must add up to 180 degrees. This is imperative if you are presenting a mathematical proof, or partaking in anything that requires mathematics. It is important to realize that mathematics is an abstraction and has no bearing on reality. If you are discussing an art project, or a landscaping project, adhering to that definition on anything but a superficial basis would be impossible.
Calling someone stupid would only be necessary if they insisted on using a hexagon to prove that a triangle's angles can add up to more than 180 degrees. Calling someone stupid for not realizing that a wood carving's angles add up to 181 degrees due to the slight curvature of one side is unnecessary. I have mentioned this before, everything is relative to the frame of reference .
I sense a theme of incommensurability between the perceived conflicts you are presenting. I think the way to "fix this", is by defining the frame of reference ahead of time. If a clear frame is defined, there would should be no irrational conflict.
"Don't seek these laws to understand. Only the mad can comprehend..." -- George Cosbuc
To be clear, this isn't about knowledge. Stupidity is arrogance and ignorance, so someone who's smart can get labeled as stupid from being impractical. That is a smart person believes something's practical when it's not, or a smart person doesn't even try to be practical, but others practice discipline against impractical people and impose a performative contradiction.
If you are a one dimensional being you wouldn't have the same perspective as a three dimensional being.
We see our world in our way, but an ant views this world differently just like more advanced beings from outside our solar system might see the Universe differently than us.
As for being stupid, using the term is derogatory, like it or not, it is meant as an insult and to show up another person.