A Poem
Offline Wrote this a long while ago, just been sitting on a flash drive, so fuck it I'll post it here for feedback, criticism, a healthy dose of getting laughed at directly in the face, etc etc
Ode To A Smoke Ring
Oh! Wondrous smoke ring, how you came into being
Pulled from lit pipe, directly into my being
The taste of your tobacco filling me till brimming
The light of your ember still radiant and glimmering
Your ethereal beauty, ever fleeting, never lasting
In your creation, I am longingly basking
A wispy fog, carefree and gay
Writhing and twisting in shades of gray
What about your nature is so magically enchanting?
Is it your movement, your serpentine dancing?
Or is it your mere existence? Your momentary grace?
Whatever your beauty, it’s not easily placed
Oh smoke ring, how I wish I could live like you!
No worries, no cares!
All other things, don’t quite compare!
And as you fade, dissipate into the air
I long for your return, to again show me how fair
Life can be, simple, it is too often rare
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Nice flow.
Having said that. I really am not a fan of criticising any type of art. I have seen ornate poetry that goes over everyone's head or I simply think the subject matter sucks, and other people like. And I have also seen art, including poetry that is simple direct and to the point, that some like and others don't.
Art is simply that which works. It never works on 100% of everyone all the time, but all it has to do is work. The advice I got when I joined a poetry group in the early 90s was "Just do it". Some sticks some does not, some will like it some wont. Do it for yourself first. If you spend your time worring about what others think of it, you will drive yourself nuts.
"We are a nation of Christians and Muslims, Jews and Hindus -- and nonbelievers."Obama
Check out my poetry here on Rational Responders Like my poetry thread on Facebook under Brian James Rational Poet, @Brianrrs37 on Twitter and my blog at www.brianjamesrationalpoet.blog
Oh no doubt, just writing (and even reading) can improve your skills a lot.
Constructive criticism is helpful though, improving flow, stanza setup, etc etc
posted it mostly for fun and to see if there were any redeeming qualities lol
Once again, art is merely what works. If you follow others like a lemming it is more likely than not that you will not stand out.
It is also a myth that poetry has to be metered or beatneck style. I have read tons of poetry, both from famous and non famous. Pretty and complex does not always translate.
I am really no fan of scripts to any aspect of life. The best thing you can do is simply be yourself.
"We are a nation of Christians and Muslims, Jews and Hindus -- and nonbelievers."Obama
Check out my poetry here on Rational Responders Like my poetry thread on Facebook under Brian James Rational Poet, @Brianrrs37 on Twitter and my blog at www.brianjamesrationalpoet.blog
Just to let you know, I just had someone confuse me with you and thought I wrote your poem. I told them it was not me, I did invite them to join this website and post a comlement here. They like me too, but I was a bit confused as to how he confused me with you.
Here is the FB page of the guy who liked your poem.
https://www.facebook.com/albert.seloover?fref=ufi
"We are a nation of Christians and Muslims, Jews and Hindus -- and nonbelievers."Obama
Check out my poetry here on Rational Responders Like my poetry thread on Facebook under Brian James Rational Poet, @Brianrrs37 on Twitter and my blog at www.brianjamesrationalpoet.blog
you know whats even stranger? that dude has the same first name as me LOL