The Jehovah's Witness and the niceties of English religiosity
Offline I was lying in bed on Tuesday morning. I'd just finished a load of essays and felt I deserved a lie in. And there was a knock on the front door (which for some strange reason actually opens into my room anyway, so normally we all go in and out by the back). So I get up and answer it.
"Are you interested in Jehovah's Witnesses at all?" said the stout middle aged man.
"Not really sorry mate." I replied. It was true, I really wasn't interested.
"Ok, no problem."
He looked miserably dissappointed. I mean I guess if you spend your entire life knocking on people's doors trying to convert them to a life of knocking on people's doors then you're not going to have much luck. I felt so bad, and thinking that he might want to release some of that holy fire and brimstone that religious folks enjoy so much, I decided it might be the humane thing to let him have a little rant. Plus, I mean its fun to be told you're going to hell by an angry nutter and know that you won't.
"I'm pretty much an atheist mate. I think religion is a waste of time."
Here it goes, I thought, any minute now...
But he looked calm and smiled politely.
"And have you always felt like this?"
"Err... Yes pretty much."
"Well some people never find God."
"Well I haven't. Maybe next time?"
"Yes, maybe next time. Thankyou for your time. Goodbye. God Bless."
"Ok, goodbye."
I guess English people just don't take religion seriously, even the fucktards in extreme cults. I mean it's a good thing of course. Can't be doing with religious nutters everywhere. But it ain't half as fun to laugh at.
Mind you there is a guy I see on Penny St (the main shopping street in Lancaster) who stands around with a big placard saying "Jesus died for your sins" or something like that. One of my favourite things is to walk past and chuckle heartily. I know it sounds mean, but I enjoy laughing at stupid people, or humouring them.
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Hehe, I had similar situation as well however in Poland few years ago.
It was weekend. I heard knock one the door and I saw woman and man smiling at me.
"Good morning. Do you think that world can exist without war ?" woman asked me with charming smile.
"No, I don't think so. Actually I am busy planing another one right now, so excuse me".
She looked so disappointed then.
Ecrasez l'infame!
Its been a while since ive had contact with a Jehovie...
I was working nights at the time, sleeping durring the day... it was the day AFTER that Korean kid blew the fuck out of that American University.
Door bell rang, and i was greeted by 3 (uh... for lack of a better word) students (23yrs?). Normally i dont even answer the door at all, but i had a friend coming by that day, blah blah blah.
Anyways, i think i fell asleep standing up or something, because they started to talk and i didnt make any threats... or violent actions >.>
After about 5 minutes i turned around, shut the door and went back up stairs to sleep... 5 minutes after that, i damn near exploded, as everything i listen to suddenly rushed into my skull all at once.
They were preaching about how GOD wants stricter gun control, and higher security at universities, prayer in school, urgh... and using the Krazy Korean Kid
as their entire basis. I litterly had to slap my self several time to get myself in check.
To this day i still think their lucky my brain was functioning that morning, or i would have assaulted all 3 of them for sure.
Now, why would i do something so stupid... muh... feels good
I mean the fact that they intended to fully capitalise on the actions of a murderor to further their own political, cultural, and religous agenda, THE VERY DAY AFTER the event when the bodies were still being counted... made me want to go insane myself >.>
Shit... i may be a heartless, sadistic, bastard, but even i dont capitalise on the deaths of other people. (unless i was directly involved >.> )What Would Kharn Do?
I remember when they came prowling at my doorstep.
It was about 7 years ago. I live in Mexico where catholicism is king (self proclaimed, of course), and just two months after I had told my mom I no longer believed in god, she comes into my room telling me someone's at the door looking for me. I get there to find this pair of really cute looking 17 year old girls, and the first thing I think is "YAY, thanks mom!!", one of them holding a book under her arm, and the second thing I think is "HELL YEAH, good looks AND smart". The joy, as you might expect, blowed over the second the book girl said: "My friend, I have good news for you". The third thing I think is "yay, thanks mom", you can imagine the tone.
They asked me to read aloud some part of genesis from their bible (the book under her arm), it had all sorts of pictures of the garden of eden, like a tiger chilling alongside a lamb and such. I complied and played along listening their "good news", the same old "you're a disgusting sinner, but we bring ye the way and the light" deal, and once they're done I said "you know, I actually have a favorite verse of the bible, would you like me to read it to you?", their faces light up with a smile (man, they were cute), nodded and handed me the bible. So I scroll down to the last querter of it into the book of Matthew and announce "here goes", their faces filled with the same joy a salesman has when he thinks he'd just make a pitch, and read them Matt. 6:5-6. They got the joke. They no longer smiled. I handed them back that heavy-ass bible and politely said, "sorry, goodbye" and shut the door.
Oh, did I mentioned THEY WERE CUTE... such a waste...
Lenore, The Cute Little Dead Girl. Twice as good as Jesus.
Common I do this on daily basis ! Emotional manipulation leads the way !
Welcome in world of human nature !
Ecrasez l'infame!
Excellently told story. You're a good writer, albedo_00. Do you write professionally? Maybe you will soon if not yet?
I just found my way here because I just got hit up by a pair of lovely young JW lasses and was quite stunned when, as I complimented them and politely refused to study the Bible in my home with them (I'm a female professor and since I'm usually paid to sympathize with young people, I can kind of admire the balls it takes for a young woman to go selling a religion from door to door), one of them immediately lit in with, "Why are you an athiest?"
Now, in fact, I am and have always been an athiest/secular humanist, but I was a little taken aback. The incidence of atheism in the US is something like 1% of the population. Given those odds, the JW had to assume that I wasn't an athiest. Maybe since US folks actually loathe athiests, calling a random stranger an athiest for politely declining to read a Bible with you is supposed to be provocative?
But just in case saying "Sorry, but good luck this afternoon!" is some sort of athiest tip-off (invoking luck instead of Jebus?), I googled "Jehovah's Witnesses and athiests" and ended up here, where I was happy to learn that even if I was a lot cheekier and a lot more European and just turned proselytizers away with a cheerful dismissal of the Big Daddy-O in the Sky theory, the interaction wouldn't be much more rewarding. I don't know what Matt 6:5-6 says (I'll look it up sometime for your punch line, but this is enough time wasted on the internet today), but maybe next time, I'll just profess to Jedi-ism.
I also live int he UK (London) and I have the JW around (none of them say they are JW interestingly enough).
I invited them in, always like the chance to take the piss, but then you realise how just emotionaly weak these people are. Religious people in the uk are generally ex-druggies, ex-criminals or people who have had serious emotional difficulties in their lives and its just like using an AK47 on bunny rabbits. It's easy to do but not really very satisfying and you think have i done something bad in breaking these people..
Of course if religious nuts are in political power forget the Ak47 , intellectual nuclear strikes are the order of the day.
I agreed I would read the watchtower if he read the my copy of the God Delusion but I couldnt get him to take up the offer.
Also wanted to ridicule the earth being made in 6 days crap but alas creationism is almost purely an American christian thing, no major branch of christianity outside the US or any other large religion denies evolution or science these days they just reinterpret the bible.
Anyway I took the watchtower , I will read anything and this ex druggie/criminal or whatever he was I think left happy (he managed to get someone to listen to him for an hour)
Point of this is that religion in the Uk for the vast majority of people in the UK is just a joke, really wish some evangalist christians would pop round one day through
Gee, thanks *blushes a little*. I actually have some ambitions to write, but for the moment only in my native language (spanish), but I have writen some stuff in english. One of them I posted in this forums, it's called how to make a religion in 5 steps.
A common response really. I had some highschool classmates who were JWs. One morning we were talking about their rules against blood transfution and the conversation moved to their door to door bible spreads. Someone asked them how many times they'd got the "polite boot" so to speak, and how they felt when that happend. They said it was customary for JWs to receive a sort of "strategies" to get and keep people talking, and one of them was to use mild/moderate accusations when they were about to be brushed off. I then thought this would be detrimental for their cause of trying to convert someone, but the fact is that it actually helps them since, when they used this tactic, either they get the door slammed in their faces, which they were gonna get at that point anyways, or the accused stands and defends himself, i.e. he/she keeps talking to them, which in turn would allow them to start a devate that, hopefully, would advance their cause by implanting self-doubt in the defended and thus, opening the way for making them apt recipients for any such teachings you want. Kind of reminds me of this scene (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H2lW3OjLBkU) of the movie Malcolm X, in which Baines accuses Malcolm of not knowing who he is. Also reminds me of a common tactic used by the hare krishna: http://www.dicksutphen.com/html/battlemind.html scroll down to the part on persuasion techniques
No need, here ya go
:
Matt. 6:5 - And when thou prayest, thou shalt not be as the hypocrites [are]: for they love to pray standing in the synagogues and in the corners of the streets, that they may be seen of men. Verily I say unto you, They have their reward.
Matt. 6:6 - But thou, when thou prayest, enter into thy closet, and when thou hast shut thy door, pray to thy Father which is in secret; and thy Father which seeth in secret shall reward thee openly.
I hope it stays that way, but I hear some muslim "islamofobia-fobics" are making quite the hissy-fit royale there.
Lenore, The Cute Little Dead Girl. Twice as good as Jesus.