Is there a definitive or a quantifiable way to determine when you should side with a friend, even when you know he/she is wrong?
Posted on: May 31, 2007 - 9:34pm
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Is there a definitive or a quantifiable way to determine when you should side with a friend, even when you know he/she is wrong?
Spouses may will stick up for their spouses even if they know their spouses messed up. Likewise with some friends. I'm not looking for a utilitarian/pragmatic/practical answer, e.g. who will ultimately come out on top, but more from an ethical/moral (and I guess as opposed to obedience for some people) standpoint.
"If I don't think something can be explained conventionally, it must be magic. And magic comes from God!" -everyday religious person
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I think it depends on the "mess up".
I would stand by a friend through a messy divorce even if I thought they were doing it for the wrong reasons.
I would stand by a friend through a serious illness even if I thought they were going down the wrong treatment path.
I would not stand by a friend for a DWI if I knew for a fact that it was deserved.
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Yeah, I probably should have better defined "mess up" and "side with."
But maybe it is better that I didn't as it leads to examples of various tolerable "definitions."
I originally dissected each of your three examples, but after doing so, I think I reached an epiphane:
At first glance, I thought your three examples were false analogies (which I assumed was your intent to highlight the need to better define "mess up" and "side with" ), but then I realized that the analogies are symantically hidden. These 3 examples are actually parallel analogies, and what they revealed to me is that you should ALWAYS side with your friend, regardless of the circumstances.
Siding with your friend = always being available for your friend
This is NOT the same as AGREEING with your friend. You can be supportive of your friend by being there to listen and offering advice, and good advice can consist of explaining why you think the divorce is not called for, why you think your friend picked the wrong treatment, or why you think DWI is not "cool."
My intent with this thread is to see if there is a simple formula to answer what would oft be a social dilemma. Maybe my "formula" above will provide an easy default to fall on? Again, just thinking out loud right now.
P.S. Yes, I now realize that "side with" is subsequently the poorest of diction, but it did lead me down a path to challenge my own word choices which proved instrumental to my above findings haha.
"If I don't think something can be explained conventionally, it must be magic. And magic comes from God!" -everyday religious person
I'll be honest, if I knew for a fact that a friend got a DWI and it was deserved, I'm not sure how supportive or available I would be unless my friend was asking for help to not be simultaneously drinking and driving.
Yes, I would take that call at 2 AM if a friend was drunk and needed to get home. No, I would not bail them out of jail if they got arrested for DWI.
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