Hey, I'll totally get battle damage Jesus if they come out with it. Does he come with a cross?

Haha, yeah. Wonder if Bill O'RLY has seen this yet?
He'd probably FREAK OUT.
It's amazing to me that fundies get so bent out of shape when the government doesn't endorse their specific religion. It'd be neat to see what they'd do if Wicca or Satanism started getting taught in schools!

Teacher: Alright, kids, it's time to recite the 9 Satanic Rules...

Kids:
1. Satan represents indulgence instead of abstinence!
2. Satan represents vital existence instead of spiritual pipe dreams!
3. Satan represents undefiled wisdom instead of hypocritical self-deceit!
4. Satan represents kindness to those who deserve it, instead of love wasted on ingrates!
5. Satan represents vengeance instead of turning the other cheek!
6. Satan represents responsibility to the responsible instead of concern for psychic vampires!
7. Satan represents man as just another animal, sometimes better, more often worse than those that walk on all-fours, who, because of his “divine spiritual and intellectual development,” has become the most vicious animal of all!
8. Satan represents all of the so-called sins, as they all lead to physical, mental, or emotional gratification!
9. Satan has been the best friend the Church has ever had, as He has kept it in business all these years!

Snagged from Wikipedia. Fundies and even moderates would start screaming SO LOUD!

Jesus casts Aspersion, takes half damage.

Have you guys seen this?

Jesus Christ Superstore

Great stocking stuffers!

Hahaha, sorry Matt! It WAS too good to resist wasn't it? I liked the link you posted too....
Jesus looks really....femme.
With his eyelashes and rouged up cheeks...

This site is TOO funny.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
So here’s our growing list of great reasons to have a Jesus doll of your very own.

~ Reminds you to pray before bed.
~ Helps you develop a friendship with Jesus
~ Shows that you are Christian (and proud of it!)
~ Makes you smile
~ Encourages you to get out of bed and go to Church on Sunday
~ Provides comfort in troubled times
~ Spreads Jesus’ message of love wherever he goes
~ My Sweet Jesus turns storytime into
Bible-story time
~ Ideal gift for someone in the hospital
~ There’s plenty of room in your house for a cute little doll
~ You (or your child) probably don’t have a Jesus doll
~ Helps you start a conversation with Jesus
~ My Sweet Jesus fits right in with your
child's favorite toys
~ Reminds you that Jesus is always present
~ Inspires you to read the Bible
~ My Sweet Jesus' special shape allows for
maximum Hug-ability
~ My Sweet Jesus fits in with your
cozy country decor
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You (or your child) probably don’t have a Jesus doll
Gee, I wonder why not?

My Sweet Jesus fits in with your
cozy country decor
*Dies laughing* Man, it wouldn't go very well with my comic shop nerd decor.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Folk Artist Carol Cote
“My husband lost his job of twenty years. That was a tough time for us–we were forced to sell our home and cut our expenses in half. But this also gave us something very valuable–lots of time to pray,” says Carol.
In fact, if it wasn’t for her husband losing his job, the My Sweet Jesus doll may have never been created. Afterall, Jesus has difficulty working through us if we are constantly too busy doing other things to listen to Him.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Man that's pretty fucked up. Shit happened, so they found a way to cope. I don't see how time to pray could be more valuable than a job, a house and living expenses. They sound deperate to find any good in what happened. What better way than to say jesus did it to show you "the way".
"See, it's a GOOD thing our lives crumbled, see? There's good in it, see?" *Denial, denial*

You can make it up to me by ravishing me if you want.

I also have a Jesus bobblehead next to my television, as well as a dancing Napolean Dynamite doll.

Fuck. That sucks. I used to be on welfare, and get hampers for Xmas. If I'd gotten a lameass talking Jesus doll, I'd have been PISSED OFF. What a crappy present.

More ideas for the Jesus action figure to piss Christians off :

1. Make an obscene Diorama with Barbie (or Ken if you REALLY want to piss them off!)
2. Get some wood make a cross and crucify it (note - this may backfire and cause people to think you are devout.)
3. Dress him in Barbie's clothes - Drag Queen Jesus!
4. If you know how, reprogram what he says - ie "Get me a beer, bitch!"

This is bullshit. We should get Satan dolls and donate them to Toys for Tots to see if they'd accept them. The fucking xtians are getting so godamned sneaky....this should be an absolute abomination. Separation of Church and State is a fucking joke. What these dolls are doing is proselytizing, using poverty as a catalyst for spreading the infection, this fucking mind disorder. This is an outrage.

If you like that, you're just gonna love this...

http://headlines.agapepress.org/archive/11/162006c.asp

Gifts Being Gathered for 2006 Operation Christmas Child Outreach

By Allie Martin and Jenni Parker
November 16, 2006

(AgapePress) - Shoeboxes filled with Christmas gifts for children around the world are being collected this week as part of Operation Christmas Child, a yearly international missions outreach project of evangelist Franklin Graham's Samaritan's Purse ministry.

Jim Harrelson, a spokesman for Operation Christmas Child (OCC), says the shoeboxes delivered through the Christmas missions project contain small gifts, but they can have a big and lasting impact on the lives of the recipients. "These little boxes are little tools of evangelism and discipleship that we see penetrating and really transcending all cultures and geography and languages," he notes.

Through OCC, "everybody can be a missionary," Harrelson says. "Just the giving of the gift has great power," he explains, "and when we do that in the name of Christ and with all the prayer involved in this thing, it's just amazing to see children come to Christ with such humility and childlike faith."

Over the years of this annual Christmas outreach, Samaritan's Purse has collected many inspiring stories, including accounts "of children coming to faith and moms and dads coming to faith and extended families and even villages," the project spokesman observes. "We even had a church that started in a remote village in the Ukraine," he says, "all because the boxes came in, children came to faith, and [the villagers] realized that they needed to start a church."

As a result, Harrelson continues, "a missionary went out there, a Ukrainian missionary, and actually started a church." So in that remote village in Eastern Europe, he says, "They've got probably 80 people going to that church today."

Graham Urges OCC Shoebox Stuffers to Pray Over Their Gifts
In an interview with Associated Press, Samaritan's Purse president and CEO Franklin Graham noted that the Operation Christmas Child project expects to deliver eight million shoebox gifts to 90 countries this year. "Some of these countries are very difficult to get into," he says, "and we specifically look for the difficult areas of the world."

And when he says difficult, Graham points out, that includes parts of the world "where there's been war, famine; we'll even get boxes into the Sudan to places like Darfur." While these are extremely tough places to go, he says, "we'll be there -- and we'll be there in Jesus' name, Lord willing."

Graham says the shoebox gifts for children overseas should be turned in to OCC collection centers no later than next Monday (November 20). When delivered, each shoebox will be accompanied by a gospel tract explaining the real meaning of Christmas, he notes; and he is asking Christians who pack shoeboxes with gifts and personal letters this year to pray over them, knowing that these gifts will minister not only to the children who receive them but to their parents as well.

The head of Samaritan's Purse emphasizes the fact that OCC is a one-on-one ministry. "It's giving one box to one child at a time, to about eight million of them," he explains. "It's a personal touch. The boxes are a little bit like snowflakes -- every box is different. There's no two boxes out there that are identical.

"The box is a tool ... in the hands of the person who's going to give that box," Graham adds. "It's a tool to tell a child that God loves them, cares for them; that Christ died for them; and that there's a family somewhere in the world that loves them very much and has sent this gift to them." Also, the ministry leader says, "it's an opportunity not only to touch that child with the truth about God's son, Jesus Christ, but this opens up the door for us to talk to the whole family."

Graham sees Operation Christmas Child as a tremendous outreach and ministry opportunity. If each family or child who packs a gift shoebox prays for the child who will receive that box, he says, "I just think God will use this in a mighty way to reach millions of children for His name" and, through them, reach those children's families as well.