The largest obstacle to deconversion...
Offline One of the biggest problems with deconverting is the backlash that follows. When I deconverted, I lost all my friends and although it has been nearly twenty years, I haven't been able to replace them. I also lost any hope of closeness with family members. I chose to follow the truth no matter where it might lead, but I paid a high price for doing so.
When I was in college, the choir director had a crisis of faith. I, too, was having a lot of doubts. He decided to return to his faith while I abandoned it. I think he based his decision on fear. It happened after an operation to remove his gall bladder. After the operation, he experienced a lot of fear of death. (I recently went through a similar experience after some seriously scary medical procedures.) Not only was there fear of death, but had he deconverted he would have lost all of the following:
1. His job at the college (it was a Christian college)
2. His job at the church
3. His family (all Christians)
4. His friends
At times I've felt like strangling him for cowardice, but is it any wonder that he and so many others decide to remain in the church?
There should be a support system in place for those who deconvert...and something to replace the world view that shattered.
For me, the truth itself was sufficient. Well, maybe it wasn't. I've suffered a lot of loneliness and pain due to my decision, but the truth was important enough that I have tried to follow it regardless.
So, what (besides the truth) can we offer Christians that deconvert? Many of them will lose everything.
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I love your signature saying. lol.
I agree that being openly atheist can be damaging to a personal life. Because of the events surrounding my deconversion, I have an aversion to large groups of people. For instance, if the club is too packed then I find another. Even small groups of like-minded people gathering together cause me stress when I'm involved. I've had to get over my fear of crowds (Enochlophobia, for the geeks) in order to feel better about life as an atheist in a theistic world.
There are several sites that offer the chance for meetings like
meetup.com
is one of them that gives local results. Shoot, even specifying on a myspace search will retrieve some results from your local area.
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Hi darth_josh. I love your avatar...LOL!
I've tried meetup.com. The problem is I live in a small fundy town an hour from the closest "major" city. The "major" city isn't really all that major and it's full of fundies, too. It's more heterogenous, but hardly an enclave of liberal thinking. This is in California. The coast is clear (so to speak), but the valley is less so and the foothills are known as "The Bible Belt of California."
Responses to the closest atheist meetup have been few and far between...and it's an hour away!
A couple of years ago, I put an advertisement in the local paper with only an e-mail address. I got one response and after my initial contact, the person refused to converse further. *shrug*
I've been working on moving, but since I am on disability, it is a near impossibility without help from my extreme right-wing family. Helluva bind, eh? When I feel well enough, I work on it, but so far haven't found a solution.
Back to the original question: What can we offer theists who are afraid to follow the truth no matter where it might lead?
The truth isn't enough for most of them.
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Because of the stigma involved in leaving religion, there's little help for people like you and me. I've found that most therapists don't "get it." Some are downright hostile. I can usually peg them as fundies within a few minutes. There's a bitchy old psychiatrist in charge of the only inpatient help available in my county and she's a fundamentalist. A nut is in charge of the nuthouse!
There are only a handful of psychiatrists available in this county and only one is competent. I've suggested to the county that they fire the fundy nutcase and the obnoxious idiot whose wife committed suicide because he didn't listen to her, but with so few psychiatrists available, they won't listen.
There is no real help available in this county. I feel sorry for people who are too sick to learn to play the system as I did. Because truth and honesty are important to me, I've had twinges of guilt when I "played" the system to get what I need. Oh well.
There was a ton of fallout from my deconversion, which I still haven't sorted through. I sure have tried.
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Yeah, that meetup didn't work for me either - a few fairly local people were there, but nobody wanted to pay to be the one to run it, so it kinda died.
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I'm in school for psychology...I've always wondered how a therapist deals with religion when it seems to cause so many mental problems...
Well, this lady psychiatrist used Christian buzzwords when she lambasted me for hating religion so much. (Actually, she lambasted me for being "bitter.") If you've been a fundy, you can usually spot a fundy pretty quickly. I learned later I was spot-on and that she had done this sort of thing to others.
In my opinion, the delusional should not be psychiatrists. But another part of me screams that we shouldn't discriminate based on religion (or lack thereof). *shrug* This psychiatrist is in a position to cause a lot of damage due to her crazy-ass beliefs. But so is another local psychiatrist and his problem is he's a first-class dick. I don't know if he's religious or not, but he has no business being a psychiatrist. His wife committed suicide a couple of years ago and I heard from a psychologist friend that he deliberately ignored her when she said she was going to do it. Of course, I don't know exactly how this went down, but I do have first-hand knowledge of his dick-like behavior. I've heard very little good about him. Well, one of my counselors claimed, "He isn't that bad." LOL...not exactly a glowing recommendation.
The other adult psychiatrist is a moron.
What are ya going to do?
Of course, my psychologist friend says his opinion of psychiatrists is that most of them are assholes. From what I've seen, I concur.
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What you Americans call "personality disorders," we Russians call "personality."
That's some good shit. Made me laugh out loud (I type it out when I really do it).
For me, the biggest obstacles are lack of discussion, correct information (due to intentional disinformation), and people just wanting to be comfortable (not be challenged).
Too often just being an atheist is extremely offensive, and this is another obstacle. A step-sister of mine, when hearing I was an atheist, because visibly upset because I didn't believe in the thing that helped her through her crisis. I've been told that the conversation (which consisted of "what is that necklace you are wearing?" "Oh, it's the American Atheist logo." ... "You don't believe in God? How can you not believe in God?" "No reason to. No evidence."....) has seriously shaken her, and she is worried about me and my soul.
That was last year around Christmas. We have not spoken since. She does live in Florida, but still.
Shaun
I'll fight for a person's right to speak so long as that person will, in return, fight to allow me to challenge their opinions and ridicule them as the content of their ideas merit.