I need a better way to handle anger.
Offline I tend to get very angry with theists. There are concrete and valid reasons why I hate religion, but it shouldn't spill over so easily into debate and every day contact with theists.
For a long time I've felt at the mercy of my anger. As a fundy I was conditioned to think of anger as "bad," so I stuff it and stuff it until I can't handle it anymore then BOOM! I express my anger. Then I feel guilty not only for feeling angry but for acting on it.
I don't know what else to do. I don't know how to handle the anger in a way that doesn't hurt me or others. I really am stumped.
Any ideas on how to get out of the anger trap?
Lately I've wondered if I sometimes use this site to take out my frustrations on random fundies. In my own life, fundies have power over me. It's a trap I'm not likely to escape. The only place I have any power over fundies is on the Internets™. (The Internets™ and Brazilians® are subsidaries of Bushtupidy, Inc.) So, I come here to verbally eviscerate people representative of the people who are driving me insane in my daily life.
Maybe I should recuse myself from talking to fundies / reich-wingers and just stick to the Freethinking Anonymous forum? I don't know. Whatever this pattern is, it doesn't feel very good.
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There's a certain theist that pisses me off, but I figured out a way to handle it.
You will too, trust me.
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I just try to remember my dear sweet theist mother.
Now if the theist in question is hateful and angry themselves (something my mom never is) I just try to stay away from them unless they're threatening to harm me or someone else. Why waste energy on them?
On the internets people can come across as heavy or not depending partially on how you choose to take 'em. I try to give 'em the benefit of the date and I respond to them with the assumption that they're not being ass-hats, until the ass-hattery becomes obvious as it sometimes does. But I get lots of nice, non-angry correspondence with the loyal opposition this way.
Atheists make lousy suicide bombers.
My mother is a right-wing fundy and part of the problem, so thinking about my theist mother isn't going to help.
Mostly I'm learning how to bullshit my way through encouters with family.
I've never met a theist worthy of my trust. *shrug*
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Oh, sorry. You can borrow my mother if it helps.
I'll send you my rate card.
I have the same issue with anger at times. I am not saying it is constant but there are times it really seems like I cannot take anymore from fundies.
I work with a few and they do not hold a posistion over me so I can debate them all I want without repercussions and sometimes the debate will get loud or heated but I would not call it angry.
When I come to the boards is another story there will threads with theists and it seems they don't really read what is being written. When you have a dialogue with a theist in person you can tell when they don't hear you or when they are knowingly ignoring the point. On the forums it is more frustrating to type the same shit over and over sometimes.
Two words: Calm Down.
Heh, ok, so that's easier said than done.
Really, just have patience. I used to be the same way; it's really quite incomprehensible that some people believe the things that they do, but they believe them for reasons that they think are justified, even though they may be horribly misinformed or flatly incoherent. Keep that in mind.
It might be worthwhile to take a break from debating. "I really don't want to talk about that right now." Change the subject. Laugh it off.
I would recommend taking a different approach whenever possible: use the Socratic method. Ask important questions about your conversants' beliefs, instead of stating your own beliefs. This approach tends to deflate conflict and additionally gets theists to really try to iterate a solid justification for their beliefs. If they are incapable of doing so, the conversation generally shifts away from the topic faster than you could predict.
Anger itself isn't that bad - but the actions that come from it usually are.
But if you really want to control your anger, whenever you get really mad, watch a bad movie. And I mean a BAD movie. Like Catwomen. Or From Justin to Kelly. Or Lady in the Water. Or, my fav, Kazaam!
When you watch one of these amazing movies, your anger usually is replaced with sincere amazement that you did not just waste 2 hours of your life, you have just scarred yourself mentally.
Just throwing that out there.
I hope that when the world comes to an end I can breathe a sigh of relief, because there will be so much to look forward to.
Hmmm. I've noticed a similar pattern in myself. To be brutally honest, I think some of it is hormonal. I think its harder for me to maintain a healthy aspect because I have a lot of chronic shit going on. A couple of weeks ago I decided to go off birth control pills to see if my health improved without them and now my "real" hormonal surges are starting to kick in. I imagine it will be awhile before what I really feel like without birth control pills sets in. Maybe that's more information than you really wanted.
Almost all the fundies or right-wingnuts I know are in a position of authority over me, including a few doctors...barf. So I really can't vent in their general direction. I'd certainly like to.
What set me off this time (besides raging hormones) was newmodeltheist's topic (Wicked and Irresponsible) coupled with his naked assertions and arrogance. The clencher was when he told everyone but deludedgod that we were being "rude"...nice when you come in and annouce to everyone they are "wicked and irresponsible." Sure, that was the opposite of rude.
Also, thisisbart and his "why i find this site stupid."
Actually, I only attacked when I felt we were being attacked, but I'd still like to have more control. *shrug*
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I guess I get pissed because religion has caused real problems in my life that are hard to just laugh off. Some of the time I manage to approach life in a decidedly non-serious manner, but the recent right-wing idiocy and fundy religionists seriously piss me off. It's hard to laugh off idiocy that may get all of us killed, you know?
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Its hard sometimes, but yeah you just have to find that inner zen place. The problem with losing your cool is that when you do, it appears to outside observers that your losing the argument.
I love your sig thats a very cool quote. I see alot of cool quotes on this board. What do the letters in your avatar mean? Looking at it what originally popped into my head was "What Would Fucking Satan's Mother Do?"
Well, it may sound unfair, but nobody here can do much about that. So don't get mad about the political movements of Christians. There's really nothing you can do. If you are getting pissed at a specific Chistian and all your arguments are falling on deaf ears, just say whatever and leave, but not before muttering that will piss THEM off. Be creative. It could be as simple as "Fool", but I like, "I think the we let the terrorists win." It doesn't matter if its true; it'll leave them enraged and unable to respond. Let them stew.
Just live your life and hope a Christian doesn't kill you.
I hope that when the world comes to an end I can breathe a sigh of relief, because there will be so much to look forward to.
FSM=Flying Spaghetti Monster
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When they really piss you off, you could put your foot so far up their ass that your shoelaces stick out their ears!
Matt Shizzle has been banned from the Rational Response Squad website. This event shall provide an atmosphere more conducive to social growth. - Majority of the mod team
It is quite easy to lose your cool, especially if you debate on the internet forums, where most of the theists trolling around are fucking nuts. Channel the anger into producing an ass-kicking argument. Remember peope, we hold the intellectual high ground from every single angle. By intellectual high ground I dont mean we are smarter, although in many cases we are, I mean that theism is ultimately, no matter how hard they try to say it is "rational theism" based on faith. Ergo, every single argument they make has some fundemantal fallacy at the core.
"Physical reality” isn’t some arbitrary demarcation. It is defined in terms of what we can systematically investigate, directly or not, by means of our senses. It is preposterous to assert that the process of systematic scientific reasoning arbitrarily excludes “non-physical explanations” because the very notion of “non-physical explanation” is contradictory.
-Me
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First of all, realize that arguing with dishonest people isn't going to make them honest, arguing with stupid people isn't going to make them any smarter, and arguing with cowardly chickenshits isn't going to make them any more courageous. Focus your attention on theists who are inquisitive and open-minded. The rest are a lost cause. Be a good example to children. Undermining the brainwashing of children by getting them to think is probably more useful and rewarding than kicking a fundy in the teeth on some internet message board. If you need to tell yourself "I'm better than them and won't stoop to their level" in order to keep it together, go ahead and do it. Feeling smug and self-important is probably better than losing your cool and looking like a nutjob. Filter theists out of your life. Instead of seeking out debate, spend your energy seeking out like-minded people- but don't make religion the focus of your relationships. Just be content with the company of sane people and leave it at that.
Hope this helps, I'm quite angry with religious people myself, and these are some of the strategies I've found to be useful.
"You are 'atheist' simply you are PSYCHO or IGNORANCE. That's why even youself feel like not EXIST on this world."
~Yahoo message board poster