I had to face such a question this past year when my dad passed away (some RRS members kindly offered their views).  Ultimately, I concluded that my concern for my mom outweighed any abstract principle of integrity, so I attended the funeral, but didn't participate in the liturgy.  On account of my mom's feelings, I have no regrets about attending.  This certainly won't become a routine with me, however.

With respect,

You have been invited to what I assume is a religious occasion which you have choosen to go to.

Doesn't mean you have to pray but act dipomatically stand when asked to etc

 I utterly despise religion, I don't respect it but I do tolerate people's right  to freedom of speech/belief etc

A funeral is not the time for an theist/atheist argument

 Also there are plenty of non-religious funerals avaliable these days (at least in the UK anyway)

I'd mostly agree with this. Although it's unquestionably a religious ceremony, I don't really view funerals as religious in nature. They stem from a natural desire to bring closure to grief and loss. Plus any political protestations that don't come from someone with a very personal connection to the deceased come off as not much more noble than the Phelps family protests.

So I think Atheists generally respond like everyone else at a funeral, by silently observing the artificiality of it all and hitting on the more attractive non-relatives  in attendance.

As many of you know, I am about as outspoken an athiest as they come.  Just recently, I went to my grandfather's funeral in San Francisco.  They are a group of methodist phillippino's and my grandfather actually helped build (ironically he was a carpenter) the church they attended (a small congregation of phillippino methodists).  Obviously the funeral was held at the church and I was asked to be part of the funeral processions. 

I obliged out of respect for my family. Here is the most ironical moment in my life.  My duty was to recite a passage from the bible in front of the congregation.  I was, in effect, preaching biblical bullshit.  I really wish I had a video of it.....I could play some good jokes on people.  Anyway, I swallowed my pride and instead of turning my grandfather's funeral into an embarassing debacle, I decided to play along.  

Interestingly, it gave me a sense of power to stand up there and having all these people listen to the words I was reading, needless to sa, it was an interesting experience and I can see how kids like levi in Jesus Camp get a rush of adrenaline when you have people listen to you.  It's empowering and it gave me an insight on how religious leaders are able to make sheep out of their congregation.  

My little story....  funerals are a time of mourning, but if you go to a religoius funeral, I say leave your ideologies at home and even though you don't have to participate in prayer or bow your head, I recommend keeping silent and remember that person for who he/she was and what they meant to you in life.  That is the best advice I can give. 

When I die, I realy would like there to be no mention of biblical crap. No, "She's with the angels now", or "Burning in hell LOL".

That irritates me(even though I would have no way of knowing what they were saying).  No priests, no "ashes to ashes", none of that.

I want my funeral/wake/memorial to be a completely secular affair where people remember me and what I contributed or how much they hated me. And where people I know try to hook up with other people I know in their damaged time of grief. I wanna be a wingmate even in death.

I attended a friends funeral a couple of years back, and since he was a big member of our gothy group of friends noone was short on any black clothing.There were a lot of people wearing rubber corsets, and he would've wanted it that way too. I want everyone to get really tanked at my funeral. And wear corsets. Sweet.

I haven't been to a funeral in years.

I'm skipping out on the next one even if it's mine.

Agreed.  In my opinion, even if the family or whatever has the service in a church, to me the church is just a damn building.  True, one that cost far more than it should be but thats for another discussion.  I find it generally unreasonable to go "Im not going to so and so's funeral because theres going to be some religious stuff in it."  To me, its gibberish and like all things in the world, in that context its easy to just tune that out. 

Yes, we can.  My aunt passed away from breast cancer a couple of years ago and we had a small service at the cemetary (my cousins were pretty little and I don't think my uncle wanted to freak them out with a huge somber event).  Family  members got up and said their peace and then we had the option of watching the casket be cremated (I passed on that one).  A couple weeks later my uncle had a HUGE pool party BBQ in celebration of her life.  There was a ton of people there and everyone remembered my aunt as being alive, not crying about her being dead. There was no religion involved.  It was nice.

Just because I'm an asshole, I have a clause in my will that forbids prayer or bible verses at my funeral.  There will be a lawyer there, and if anyone prays, all my money goes to the FFRF.

Yep.  I'm an asshole, but it's going to be my last little joke.

My dad was an atheist, and when he died, I thought I was at the wrong funeral for a while.  It was everything I could do to stop myself from standing up and saying, "Um... excuse me people!  My father was an atheist his whole life.  He only darkened the door of a church when he got married, or when my mother made him go to Christmas service with us.  Sorry guys, but god sent him to hell."

They kept on and on about what a godly man he was.  That shit's not happening at my funeral.

I want people to try to create heaven on earth when I die just so they will be jealous

so

1) As much pasta as you can eat

2) Beer fountains (Volcano's bit beyond my budget)

3) Stripper factories (might have to have the same people in different costumes but its the thought that counts)

4) Lots of pirate clothing

5) Most importantly lose morals (call me a wanker but as long as you drink too much I don't mind)

Ramen

Jon

OBITUARY
 
darth_josh, ??, died late last night while mid-coitus with the youngest of his five girlfriends. The coroner's report indicates that there were several substances in darth's body, but could not narrow down which chemical was the likely death cocktail. "It is almost a guarantee that Josh felt no pain upon dying.", said the doctor performing the autopsy.  No services will be held, but there will be a fundraising auction next week to receive bids on what is left of darth's body which the taxidermist is turning into a reading lamp. The proceeds of this auction are to be divided equally among the Rational Response Squad, stem cell research, and darth's own charity for wayward atheist women.  Josh is survived by his five lovely young girlfriends who will inherit his house, four wonderfully successful children busy with their own lives and not in need of any money, one ex-wife of 25+ years, and many angry family members who thought they could cash in on his death.  darth_josh will most fondly be remembered as the person who brought us pod transportation which abolished almost every form of motor vehicle in the world causing gas stations and insurance companies to become non-religious havens for the homeless. Equally as important are his purchases of the 26 churches in a local area that he turned into low-income housing, low-cost food stores, free computer cafes, and libraries.  darth_josh University for Skeptical Inquiry will be using particles gleaned from his brain matter in their next battery of accelerator experiments to prove that his particles react in the same way that any other particle in the universe acts in light speed collisions.  When asked, the local clergy declined to express any sentiment with regard to darth's death, but they could be seen 'high-fiving' in celebration while they were headed to their old beat up vehicles. One anonymous minister was seen crying and burning his bible after hearing the news of darth's death. Sources say this man finally decided to admit his atheism to the world. It is speculated that he will oversee the local release of greydonsquare's fourteenth hit atheist hip-hop album and the Proclaim Creations studio construction expansion.  Local new humanists' reactions were mixed, but most said they would miss the free coffee and drinks that darth provided for their discussions concerning negligent tolerance that have been ongoing for two decades.  There will be no pall-bearers since the only thing needed will be a two-wheeled dolly for loading the stuffed darth lamp into the lucky highest bidder's vehicle. Some question as to whether or not the lamp will be fully-poseable did arise, but no details are known at this time.  Canadian atheists got together over imported American beer and said their final "Fuck you, darth's" before climbing back into their caves for the winter months. One female Canadian atheist decided to dye her hair flourescent green and post half-naked pics of herself on all of the atheist myspace user's comments sections prior to darth's death. She received a posthumous thank you note from darth yesterday.  [edit for spacing] 

I had to take my mother to a funeral. It was in a wide open graveyard next to a highway. A ice cream truck went by playing "Jack-in-the-box" and all I could think about was when you hear the part of the song when Jack pops out, the guy in the casket would pop up and scare everyone there. I couldn't stop laughing. Yes, that is horible, but I still laugh about it. I would want something like that to hapen at mine. I much rather make people smile and laugh than be sad any day.