Brian Sapient had penis reduction surgery
Offline It's true-- I just happen to know one of the nurses who signed his cast post surgery. Apparently, Brian's penis was so large it was affecting various activities of daily living and so he opted to get it halved, and then halved again.
"Some might think a huge cock is an argument in favor of intelligent design" said Sapient, while eating ice cream in the recovery room, "but it just didn't fit in any of the places I wanted to put it in, and shoe horns were just not an option for us".
Brian's penis measured over 37 inches long, which qualified it as a disability under the Americans with Disabilities Act. The danger his large wanker posed to himself and others (especially the elderly) helped Brian make the decision for surgery, but really it was the taunting from school kids that made him opt for the surgeon's scalpel.
"If I had a nickel for every time I was called the human tripod, I'd be in the top 10 supporter list here for the rrs. A little known fact about the RRS is it originally stood for "rod reduction surgery" as I envisoned starting a support group for men with mega cocks. But, surgery didn't just take my dong, it took my faith as well. I'm no longer chained down, either by a behemoth of a scholng or the lord jesus. So, I decided rational response squad was my true calling versus another internet site about penises-- or is it penii?"
The compound was not immediately available for comment.
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The compound is still not commenting. No photos... no photos please.
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So, if you saved the section of penis... in a box... and after twenty years, it hadn't decayed yet... it would be a miracle. And we would know that Sapient is the one true god. Millions would flock to kiss the holy member (or a cleverly constructed replica) and receive a blessing.
Of course, a rational person would wonder: If it hadn't decayed after twenty years, might it have been one of those stupid extensions you can buy on the internet? The whole thing would be revealed as a hoax! Nothing more than a wadded up sock in the drawers. Cucumber in the undies. Sausage in the meat locker...
Atheism isn't a lot like religion at all. Unless by "religion" you mean "not religion". --Ciarin
http://hambydammit.wordpress.com/
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Could the catholic church verify this miracle?
Would they even be interested in a penis that is older than 12yrs?
Would the believers then begin to see images of this penis in grilled cheese and such?
ROFLMFAO
God dammit BGH, I spewed beer out my nose.
owww...
Atheism isn't a lot like religion at all. Unless by "religion" you mean "not religion". --Ciarin
http://hambydammit.wordpress.com/
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I see you experienced the holy penis spirit, now you cannot deny it's existance. You will begin to feel it work through you, erections will now be filled not with blood but holy spirit.
You have Ten Commandments:
1. Though shalt not have any shlong before me.
2. Though shalt not injure anothers shlong.
3. Though shalt not covet anothers shlong.
4. Though shalt not bear false witness and depict thy shlong larger than reality.
5. Though shalt keep thy shlong clean and free of lint.
6. Though shalt drain thy main vein.
7. Though shalt use thy shlong for consensual use only.
8. Though shalt pick a day of the week to worship thy shlong and keep this day holy.
9. Though shalt honor thy fathers shlong, it shall never be disparaged, for this is from where thy shlong has been inherited.
10. Though shalt distribute these ten commandments among others filled with the holy penis spirit.
I could have saved Brian money on that surgery. Instead of an operation to reduce penis size just take a look at this picture:
*shudders*
Um, I think I saw an image in my omelet Saturday morning.
However, instead of notifying the authorities, I ate it.
Was that wrong?
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HAHAHAHAHA! I understand the "sacred" image is showing up in baseball parks across the country. So, Susan, it is only wrong insofar as it is being eaten by thousands of red-blooded, American, sports fans.
You people are too friggin' much.
"Tis better to rule in Hell than to serve in Heaven." -Lucifer
OMG!
That didn't hit me until I was halfway through the next line. Then it was like getting slapped with a huge penis ... and all was right with the world.
I never thought in my wildest dreams that I would accuse Brian of bein delusional. But when he responds to the original post with "No photos please" it makes me wonder just how rational he is."
"Human tripod" yea, Brian only wishes he had a schlong as long as John Holmes that he could have reduced. Pure speculation on my part, not that I want to find out. But when you play the law of probibilities Brian's mythical goliath schlong having been reduced is what we skeptics call "reducto absurdum".
Although it could give new meaning to "pink unicorn". I wonder if Occham's razor gave him a circumsicion?
"We are a nation of Christians and Muslims, Jews and Hindus -- and nonbelievers."Obama
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If this was about sombody else I would've said, So he finally decided to make the jump from micro to nano huh...
Sapient gets more props than that though.
There are twists of time and space, of vision and reality, which only a dreamer can divine
H.P. Lovecraft
ROFL
Ow... my side hurts...
I think you know you're um... rising up... in the world when stories like this come out. Next thing you know, the paparazzi will be camping outside the compound hoping to catch Brian in his boxers going outside to get the paper. Then there'll be the photoshopped pics in Star, and next thing you know, it'll be all over the tabloids that he um... err... drove... Lindsay Lohan to tears.
Atheism isn't a lot like religion at all. Unless by "religion" you mean "not religion". --Ciarin
http://hambydammit.wordpress.com/
Books about atheism