I have had a personal awakening. No, I did not find Jesus, get born-again, attain Nirvana, or any other transcendental awakening. But I would wager that my resent awakening is more valuable than any transcendental experience. What has happened to me is that I have become aware of money, most acutely; I have become aware of my own money.

For most of my life I have disregarded my money as a necessary evil, with emphasis on the word evil.

I began my first job at the age of 16 as a telemarketer and was disillusioned with the whole affair before I took the time to learn to properly manage my checkbook. This disregard for money escalated to a full-blown hatred for money, which was fueled first by my religious faith, which taught me:

“For the love of money is the root of all evil: which while some coveted after, they have erred from the faith, and pierced themselves through with many sorrows.”
- 1 Timothy 6:10 KJV

While many Christians are avaricious as can be observed in their obsession with electing the political candidates, who are most unapologetically beholden to corporate America, there is still plenty there to justify a young man’s hatred of money.

My hatred of money later found itself well served by anarchist philosophy and activism, and later more so by my communist beliefs and activism. In essence I have hated money for 12 years.

My hatred of money caused me to spend it as quickly as I could get it, yet paradoxically to see merchants as people who were out to get me. It was perhaps a love-hate relationship.

My hatred of money caused me to cower at the thought of pondering its management, or inquiring about my debt, or how to save it. But now I am a married man within 6 months of graduating college. I want very badly to be able to pull my weight in my marriage, and dare to dream about advancing into having a good and prosperous family while bringing children into this world.

I cannot afford to hate money anymore. It is simply counter-productive to my goals.