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To try and better my life and myself , I try to take a step back now and then and examine my life and how I got to where I’m at.  I don’t believe in living in the past, but we must learn from our mistakes.  More often than not, I end up saying to myself “God damn you were such a fucking idiot.” 

By far the biggest mistake was opening myself up to Christianity. How the fuck did I fall for such obvious hoarse shit?  Early childhood indoctrination is of course a factor, but that only guided me to where to go in a time of weakness later in life.  And so I went to the bible. I remember just opening it up at random books and feeling a little consoled, but nothing overwhelming.   I’ve read the bible from cover to cover at least five times.  What really sunk it’s claws in me was the book of revelations.  It was so mysterious and captivating.  A realized and seasoned atheist can read it and see that it is utter monkey shit, but to an unsuspecting and impressionable mind it is quite fascinating.  I got to the end and couldn’t wait to start back at the beginning.  I had a new and powerful insight that those without faith simply could not see, because they were blind without the spirit of God in them.   I broke down in tears and thanked God for saving me and giving me eyes to see.  I started back at Genesis 1:1 with my new power vision and everything made sense.  It was all so clear. 

It’s O.K. you can laugh now.  I’ve heard many say that Revelations is what got them going.  Why is this?   I got out my NIV  and KJV and went to intros and definitions of Revelations, Heaven, Hades/Hell, and also is included a guide on “How to study the Bible” that goes like this:

“You can read the Bible just as you do other books, skimming off the surface meaning of various passages.  Studying the bible will make you more aware of god’s will for your life.  These results eventually will become a cycle: As you come to know god better, you will respond to his claims on you and follow his will for your life.  That in turn will draw you even closer to god and give you an even stronger desire to obey him.”   Really? Just skim off the surface and obey? 

Revelation; the making known of something previously concealed.  “A book about the end of this present world and the beginning of a new heaven and a new earth.  Jesus gave John this vision and he wrote this book so Christians being persecuted would trust that god controls whatever happens here on earth and to show  us that Jesus is the ruler over everyone and everything –even powerful human governments-and he will judge and punish whatever is evil. He also gives us a picture of heaven, where we will be with Jesus.”

Heaven; The place where God, Jesus, the angels, and the saints reside; the future home of the redeemed.

Hades-hell; the place where the spirits of the dead live.

It's all very obvious to me now that this is a brain-washing indoctrination into a cult, but revelations is where it really starts for many- right at the very end of the book.  I honestly don't think that without reading it I would have gotten sucked in. I still have my first bible given to me by Mary Bauer-kindergaten Sunday school teacher on Sept. 30 1978. I had just turned 6 yrs old.  She was a sweet little old lady. How little did she know what a terrible impact her little gift would have on my life. -or did she?