I grew up in a christian home, church, bible readings, family bible studies in the morning. It was commonplace, I grew up around it and I loved it. Jesus loved me. I loved Jesus and God. I was going to be a good girl for Jesus and do what I was told because I didn't want to go to hell, even though I knew I deserved it...I thought I deserved everything I got dished out to me.... I mean I did kill Jesus, and was a sinner because my father and mother sinned even before I was born, so I was bad even before I was born. I prayed and prayed to tell Jesus I was sorry that I killed him. It was all so wonderful and confusing and hellish and painful. In Jr. High/highschool I had to join bible bowl and memorize the bible, yes the whole thing, even the lame parts...son of son of on and on. While reading verses and chapters and books I felt something that was always there, something I could never speak of or think of, I felt that it was all wrong, that this God maybe wasn't love, that I was a woman and that made me very different then men, that I should keep quiet, my place in life was not reading or learning or talking it was serving and bearing children cooking cleaning taking care of the men in my life, for this was god's will. I was really afraid of this God, and I believed it but I thought it was wrong and I didn't want to live a life like that, I wished I were never born. I couldn't kill myself because I would got to hell....and the story went on......I am proud to report that after years of thinking for myself, study and reason I am an athist and I am not scared anymore! I am thankful for this site.