Behold, the Atheists' New Nightmare!

I was browsing around youtube yesterday and came across Ray Comfort’s famous “banana demonstration.” If you’ve somehow never had the pleasure of witnessing this, it can be found here. My initial reaction was along the lines of, “what in the hell is he babbling about now?” But I heard him out. I listened to his presentation objectively and walked away fairly indifferent. I didn’t think much of it at first.

But a few hours later, I went to go grab a snack. I had a box of cheez-its:

They were on sale at Vons. Buy one, get one free. And so I did.

I wanted to grab a handful of this wonderfully artificial snack and bring some upstairs with me, but I couldn’t figure out how. I didn’t want to bring the whole box with me as I would end up eating more than I should and wind up with a tummy ache. So I needed to find some practical way to transport the cheez-its. I didn’t want to take a literal handful, as this would be too messy and I would have to place the cheez-its on my desk, which is littered with dust and fingernails, not exactly the most sanitary place for such a high-caliber snack food. After much deliberation, I came across a couple of stacks of 10 oz. Dixie cups in a cabinet:

The greatest epiphany of my life followed. I took one of these cylindrical 10 oz. cups and placed it on the counter:

Then I took one of the square-shaped cheez-its and realized it could fit in one of these cylindrical cups:

I then proceeded to place several more square-shaped treats into the cylindrical-shaped cup, and viola! A convenient way of transporting the cheez-its!

How could this be!? Here I have these square-shaped objects, cheez-its, yet they fit perfectly into this cylindrical-shaped object, a plastic cup! I tried to use logic and science to rationalize how this could be, but could find no answers. The only plausible explanation is that a higher power must be at work. This is the greatest evidence I could ever encounter. Just as God created the banana to fit perfectly in a human’s hand, He created cheez-its to fit perfectly in a 10 oz. plastic Dixie cup. How can “evolution” possibly explain this? Are you going to tell me that these cheez-its were once monkeys? Or that the plastic cups used to be dinosaurs? Hah! <--- That was me scoffing at such an absurd notion.

So, using logic and reason as my friends, I can conclude that if

+ =

then

+ =

It’s all very, very clear to me now. This evidence is all anyone should need to see that God is real. If you are still somehow not convinced, I truly pity you.

TheSarge's picture

Dude, that's an awesome

Dude, that's an awesome explanation.  Surely the Lord, Jesus Christ will smile on you this day, for He knows that you acknowledge His existence. 

 

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

 

Fuckin' hysterical, dude.  Rock on. 

Hambydammit's picture

That's it.  I'm turning in

That's it.  I'm turning in my atheist badge.

Atheism isn't a lot like religion at all. Unless by "religion" you mean "not religion". --Ciarin

http://hambydammit.wordpress.com/
Books about atheism

mavaddat's picture

Oh sweet Jesus, I see the

Oh sweet Jesus, I see the light! My lord, I bow before you! Please, my lord! Have your way with me!

Hambydammit's picture

Quote: Oh sweet Jesus, I

Quote:
Oh sweet Jesus, I see the light! My lord, I bow before you! Please, my lord! Have your way with me!

Dude, I think you're gay.  I will have to smite you.  The cheezy poofs prove it.

 

Atheism isn't a lot like religion at all. Unless by "religion" you mean "not religion". --Ciarin

http://hambydammit.wordpress.com/
Books about atheism

mavaddat's picture

Haha... Wait, cheezy poofs?

Haha... Wait, cheezy poofs? What cheezy poofs?

And doesn't "gay" mean "homosexual"? If a man is willing to be fondled by the Lord, does that make him gay? Or does it make him devout? After all, the lord is technically not a man. This is a very important question.

darth_josh's picture

Technically, if you have

Technically, if you have masturbated then you have pleased a man. Therefore you are homosexual.

 The holy history of the dixie cup:

http://ww2.lafayette.edu/~library/special/dixie/company.html

 

There are no apocryphal documents allowed in our dixie bible.

Those who use SOLO brand cups are the great whore and should be killed or hostilly acquired through the stock market.

Shun the glassmakers for theirs is the way of the anti-cupuser. 

Atheist Books, purchases on Amazon support the Rational Response Squad server, which houses Celebrity Atheists.

BenfromCanada's picture

OF COURSE cheez its came

OF COURSE cheez its came from monkeys! Ask Richard Dawkins, who I worship.

The Patrician's picture

Another Dixie Cup

Another Dixie Cup heretic!

Truly you should know that the proper holy receptacle for Cheezits is the cereal bowl.

Witness:

Now, we do not have pictures of Cheezits in the cereal bowl but the Book of Snacks states quite categorically that they were in there so that's good enough for me. Who needs evidence, eh!? 

All you Dixe cup lovers are going to hell for your heretical ways where you shall have nothing to dine on but Twigglets.

 Yes indeed. 

Freedom of religious belief is an inalienable right. Stuffing that belief down other people's throats is not.

Brian37's picture

You are going to piss of

You are going to tick off the FSM! He hates Wisconsin and the Swiss! You blasphemers!

You have started the phrophacy of the FSM! He predicted the rize of the Cheeze its. He knew you couldnt resist playing with your doodles!

THE END IS NEAR, THE END IS NEAR!

 

 

"We are a nation of Christians and Muslims, Jews and Hindus -- and nonbelievers."Obama
Check out my poetry here on Rational Responders Like my poetry thread on Facebook under Brian James Rational Poet, @Brianrrs37 on Twitter and my blog at www.brianjamesrationalpoet.blog

TrickyNikki's picture

Wicked awesome. Marry me?

Wicked awesome. Marry me?

theangryatheist's picture

Your logic is breathtaking.

Your logic is breathtaking.

Mikayla_Starstuff's picture

Highly Gratifying

LOL I'd get really sick of the creationist arguments if they were not so ridiculous and funny! Sometimes I don't know whether to laugh or spit.

That is an awesome satire. Highly gratifying Smiling 

-Mikel