As I do more and more research, critical thinking, contemplative and reflective thought and I come to my ultimate conclusions, my hope for a God existing dims more and more. I claim to be Atheist, and I claimed to not believe in God. But… not until recently, I don't think that I actually realized what that meant. I claim that I don't believe in God, but what exactly does that entail? I was confident in my proclamations because, deep down I remained comfortable in the fact that maybe, I could be wrong. That maybe, in the end there is a God, and in the end, Death won't be the absolute end. However, I realize now that that is just wishful thinking.

As an Atheist, I do not believe in the fabled after-life. I do not think that there is any concious thought after death occurs. And to be quite honest, this terrifies the living hell out of me. Many easily claim to not believe in the after-life, but I don't think that many truly give serious contemplative thought to what that implys. Now, Don't get me wrong, my fear is not one that is about how when we die, we are afraid to leave our family, experiences, memories, ect behind.

My fear of death is the all-consuming thought that death is the absolute end. Not that I won't be able to look back on past experiences, but that I won't be able to have anymore. Not that I won't be able to look back or be comfortable in the fact that I had experiences or memories, but that I won't be able to create anymore memories. Not that I won't be able to look back on spending time with family, or look back on past adventures, but actually not being able to spend any more time with my loved ones or have any more adventures.