As I do more and more research, critical thinking, contemplative and reflective thought and I come to my ultimate conclusions, my hope for a God existing dims more and more. I claim to be Atheist, and I claimed to not believe in God. But… not until recently, I don't think that I actually realized what that meant. I claim that I don't believe in God, but what exactly does that entail? I was confident in my proclamations because, deep down I remained comfortable in the fact that maybe, I could be wrong. That maybe, in the end there is a God, and in the end, Death won't be the absolute end. However, I realize now that that is just wishful thinking.

I realize now, that death IS the end. There is no getting around that. There is nothing to suggest an after-life. There is nothing to suggest a God. There is absolutely nothing. The only reason that we have the thoughts of after-life and God are to quell our fears of the unknown. As I think of this now, and as I think about it often I am often overcome with… overwhelming sensations of dread… of pain… and of fear. Knowing that one-day, in the future, I will be no more. If not for the fact that I am who I am, I would most likely succumb to the need of having religion. Luckily, I don't need the thought of God to gain control of my fears.

After I gained this somewhat new perspective, I go and look back on things. And I find many things just completely… and really utterly pointless. Take morals for example. I have morals. I'm sure other people have morals. But my morals say that it is wrong to drink, smoke, ect. Another's morals say it's ok to do those things I detest. Who's right? No one is right. There are no good, nor bad morals because it's all about perspective. There is nothing to ultimately determine what is good or bad, so why even have morals?

Well, I can answer that, because they are important to me. But, I've realized that I cannot condemn others for having what I would consider 'bad' morals because there is nothing to even indicate, truly and absolutely that my morals are 'good' morals. But, I also garnered another appreciation from this realization, a much deeper and profound appreciation as well as an understanding. I have achieved an appreciation of Life. Life is amazing, it is not meant to be wasted. We only have one chance, live life to the fullest. And from this appreciation, I understand what the purpose of life is. To live!

I do not necessarily fear the end of my existence. I fear the end of man-kinds existence. That what we have strived for in the past, what we are striving for now, and what we will strive for in the future, will all be to no avail. That… we will be gone, and there will be no one to remember us, no one to preserve the memory of us. Nothing. Although! I do manage to find purpose with this realization. I do what I do because it's important to me, and because I want to live my life how I want it, no matter what happens in the end. And, I commend others for living their lives how they want to live theirs, even though I do detest a lot of things people do in this world, they are after all… only living their lives.

I openly admit, I fear what death brings. I do not fear death, because whether it happens now, or 60 years down the road it really doesn't make a difference. But that ever entrenching fear of the unknown looms over the cascade of death. However, the difference between me, and others is that even though I am terrified of what death brings, I will face it. I will not back down. And I will not accept fairy tales and lies to try and calm my fears.

Just some more thoughts on death. D: I think too much for my own good. Oh wellll.