Homeless in NEW YORK

So, I feel I must write about homelessness. I, as some of you may or may know, was homeless for a breif period of time. However, those were the worst times of my young existence. Anyways, I feel I must write this, as it was 4 years this past Wednesday the 8th, that I moved from Puerto Rico to the Bronx, my birth place.

So, I begin.

We arrived on August 8th 2003. We were to live with a friend of my mother's. We were doing fine, my mom had some jobs, Josh (my brother) and I were going to school. It was a good time. Although the living space was cramped, but it was somewhat tolerable dispite certain personalities in the home.

On November 29 2003, we had to leave. The neighbors upstairs snitched that apartment 4h had 3 extra people. So, in order for our friend not to get evicted, we left. We packed about two bags and walked from E. 149th St to E. 151 to the EAU (Emergencie Assistance Unit). It was a very complicated process. They needed birthcertificates, SS cards, I.D's etc.

Our experience:

WE had to go through metal detectors, since it was already a little cold that meant taking off sweaters plus belts, etc. Not just because of fear of a hidden weapon but because you could not bring food in. Now, this wasn't a place where you slept at. You were processed then you had to wait til your name was called, then they told where you were going for the night. After that, we get on a school bus and waited for the other families (and hoped that some families weren't being slow, because if not you had to wait, I'll explain this further, later on). Back to being in the EAU, a regular day.

Get back from the 'over-night', wait on a line (that sometimes went around the building) in the cold (or snow) or in the heat. Didn't matter if you had small children or were pregnant. You had to wait.

Go through the metal detectors. Had food? They would take it and THROW it away. Had a cell phone? That was fine, as long as it wasn't a camera phone. They didn't allow any type of cams. So they took it and put it away til you were called at night. You better hope nobody stole it though. Put your bags through the scanner, they found something suspicious? Well then be prepared to have people see your things. Then they wouldn't even put the things back in right. If you beeped, they used the wand. Kinda like at the airport put more humiliating.

Once you passed the detectors, you had to sign in. And try and find a seat....Now, try and imagine this: You're walking down the hall from the detectors to the 'waiting room' and you saw babies and small children sitting or sleeping on the floor. Pregnant woman just wanting to rest, but had to do so on the floor. Older people, sick people etc where no place else but the floor to sit or sleep on. Now, the reason they slept? Well, you'll know in a few.

So, you find a place to sit. It's about 7 o'clock in the morn. Let's say you have to go to school, even though you're DEAD tired. Well, your mom (or gaurdian) has to make a LONG line to get some car fare for you. You dont want to be late but you will because they only have 2 windows opened and 300 people to attend to. So, you got your carefare (even if you don't need it because you have a school metro card, take it! It might be useful later.) You're mom wants to go with you to the bus stop to make sure you get on the bus ok. So, she needs to get a PASS of either 1, 4 or eight hours to go outside. Then they ask her what was she going to do. If she told the truth, then they would changed the hour pass to 15 minutes. So you go to school, hoping you dont smell because the night before the shower was roach infested, so you were forced to take a 'bath' at the sink. You hoped your clothes were clean, you try your best, when there was enough money you took your suitcases to the nearest laundrymat to wash them. And you hope the bags under your eyes aren't really bad. School lunch? it's heaven to you. Atleast it doesn't give you food poisoning. Have a report to write and need to go to the library? You're screwed because you have to be back by a certain time if not you can't go back in. You would have to wait outside til they call you're family (however late that may be) and join them on the bus. (Basically same thing happens if you need to go to work or an appointment)

But let's say you didn't go to school (or work) that day. You go and make a line for breakfast and hope you're one of the first people on the line. Lets say you're not. You have to wait til the lunch room starts emptying out, then they send some more people down to eat. Now, let me describe a typical breakfast

Coffee (that tasted like dirt), eggs (they were ok actually) some sort of luncheon meat (usaully it has gone bad) juice and a piece of pre-packaged corn bread. You wanted to save some of the corn bread. So you decided to sneak it (since you can't take food ith you). But they caught you, throw it away, you must. But lets say you did get it passed the rent-a-cops, then you went to your bag and looked around, coast is clear, you stuff that corn bread as fast as you can in the bag. You'll be hungry later on, you didn't eat the lunch, maybe you did but you couldn't keep it down. I forgot, when you went to eat you left your bags under the bench. Hope nobody stole your bags.

So, you eat, atleast tried to, not only is the food bad but the people serving it are rude and usually you cant eat because all the seats are taken, then you cant wait around because the guards will tell you to leave, you explain that you haven't eaten yet...they don't care. Either find a seat or go back upstairs. You go back upstairs, meaning you threw away the food. So you're back upstairs (wether you eat or not isnt important) And you just wait. If you made some friends, then you can kill time. You have an appointment? then go make the line and get the pass. You went to your appointment (you left someone with your bags, someone might steal them) You come back, it's time for dinner. (you missed lunch, thankfully)

But let me describe lunch:

Wait in line, and get your tray, get the food. Cut the meat first to make sure its not red on the inside. They gave fruit! Then try and do the same thing with the fruit that you did with the corn bread. Go back upstairs and wait til dinner.

Dinner:

Usually, some sort of mystery meat, red on the inside as usual. They served corn bread from the morning for dessert. And milk, but it's gone bad. You asked for another but they don't give it to you. Repeat process with corn bread at the end of dinner.

It's about 7 pm more or less. They should be calling names soon.....(you hope). You give your seat up to somebody who really needs it. You wait some more. You talk with your friends, you wait some more. They finally call your family. So, you get yor bags, and wait on line for them to give you a paper saying where you are going. You got a place called Park (it's across the street from Central Park South) Before you get on the bus, you have to wait for the bus to get there....So you wait, even if its cold. They called so you better get your ass outside. They dont care if you're sick or have small children or are with child. The bus gets there about an hour and half to an hour later. You get on the bus, you learn from past experience to keep your bags with you, instead of putting them in the back (somebody might confuse yours with their bag, or you might find yourself fighting with someone because they pushed you to get their bag first, as if you weren't going to the same place). And hope nobody is being slow, because they won't leave until all the families called are on the bus. So you leave, and get to Park, you're tired and you can't wait to get to bed. But, the security gaurd from the 'over-night' has some rules for you. You go there every night and every night he says the same thing. 15 minutes wasted listening to some sermon about what not to do, as we do not want the people in the ritzy hotel next door to be disturbed. It has snowed and the bus has parked in front of a pile of the white stuff. You go over it but a lilttle boy, no more than 3 has gotten of the bus, he can't get over it. So you help him. He says thank you and you think 'wow, even in these conditions people can still be nice' So, we get inside. You get a room on the fifth floor. The elevator is full of people and suit cases, so you take the stairs. You get to your room and take turns with your family to use the bathroom (atleast the shower is clean and you can finally get cleaned up) So everybody is cleaned up, you're hungry so you eat some corn bread. Lets say you have some money, your mom goes to the store, but she only has 15 minutes, a minute late and she'll have to wait outside til the morning.

You try and sleep, you take out your pillow and cover the bed with your own sheet (you've found roaches and condoms in these beds before, you dont want to take a chance.) You might see your brother throwing up the dinner. He's sick with food poisoning, don't worry, you''ll join in on the fun, soon. Then people will ask you if you're pregnant.

At 6 in the morn, you hear a loud knock, get up or be left behind, So, you have set your alarm (on your phone) to 5:30 am, you'll have time to get cleaned up (who knows when you can take a decent shower again) get dressed, and pack whatever you took out the night before. Go down stairs, and wait for the bus, in the cold or heat. Repeat process from night before to get on bus. You get to the EAU, and make the line. And wait.

Now, let me explain why people are so sleepy, and they take naps on the floor. One night, you were waiting to be called, the place was almost empty. It was about 4:30 am when they finally called you, you had to wait fot the bus and for a family that didnt hear their name called. You get to Park at about 5 am. Mr. I Got a Few Rules For you, tells us the rules. 5:15 am, 5th floor room. 5:20 am you get the wrong room (but you think that that family saw that the room was bigger and took it.) Go downstaris, they give you the room that was supposed to go to that other family, a little room with a bunk bed (that family must have stolen the room, that room had 2 bunk beds). It's 5:30 and your mom decides to sleep on the floor, the guard says its against the rules, he can get another room. My mom says no. Its almost 6 o clock. They'll be knocking soon. That morning you get off the bus, carrying a bag, with your eyes closed.

Detectors, sign in, see people on the floor, same routine. That night they send you to Powers. Yes, Powers, where the roaches are living better than you. You get to Powers and go through another detector, then they give a room. The shower is nasty, and that night you sleep in your winter clothing because the heat is busted and its colder inside than it is outside.

Next morning, same routine. About a week or so of this, they send you to a placement. A placement is an apartment of sorts, where you stay while the lawyers and stuff review your case. You are ineligible for housing. The reason, you can go back to PR. Doesn't matter that you have a noterized letter from your grandma in PR, saying you can't stay. "Anyone can noterize a letter", Never mind that you have a letter from your grandpa's doctor stating that it be best if your grandpa had as little people around as possible. Letterhead could be fake. Altough, your last place of residence was in NY, they want to send you back to PR. So, you go to a fair hearing. Doesn't work. After 11 times of being found ineligible, after being called stupid (you're homeless, you must be stupid), after missing days of school, losing more than 50 pounds in 5 months (not because you wanted to but you were forced to, with the bad food and all), walking through snow, rain or heat, never mind that you have bronchitis and you can barely breath, you finally crack and on a cold January night, you decide to end it and throw yourself in front of a train. but your best friend pulls you back. You get about 5 blocks away from the EAU, you're with your mom, brother and best friend. You can't take it, you decide to just walk into traffic. But your friend is holding you. You walk in to the EAU. You see the guards beating up a man in front of his children, they almost knocked down his baby off his stroller. You are scared, you just saw these men almost hurt a baby. Your friend pulls you away. The gaurds are looking at you and wondering why you are so distressed. One of them tells you "you better calm down" You snap "Or what, you're going to beat me up?" You go and find a seat and a little girl (whose family you befriendend) asked whats wrong. And tells you not to cry and gives you a kiss. (This little girl's mom, had to go to the hospital once, they called the ambulance but they had to leave their stuff, we couldn't take it because we had enough stuff ouf our own. Next day, we find that the clothes werent't where the guards had left them. They have a habit of throwing away clothes. We rummaged through the garbage, lo and behold I found a pair of the girl's pants. They were brand new, too)

Anyways, back to that January night: They call the ambulance, and the cops. One cop said that if you didn't want the help then to just leave you alone. He has a home to go to, he cant be bothered with a lowly. depressed, homeless person, they take you to Lincoln hospital, they dont have a psych ward so, you have to get transferred. Before, this you get evaluated by two doctors. The first one says, it's best to hospitalize you. The second one says its all for show, but wants to give you meds. So, you dont get treatment, you go home (haha, home) the next morning. They send you to the ACS office. The lady recommends that you and your family be found eligible for your mental well-being is at stake. So after all this, you are told you are eligible on April Fools Day of 2004. You werent homeless a long time but you went through a lot.

Name calling, horrid living conditions, discrimination, depressesion. You witness a mother so frantic because her baby was hospitalizied, she's a year old but is the weight of a 7 month old. You witness babies, crying, mother pleading and praying. Fights and triumphs. Hunger, pain. You even comfort you're mom one night, she says she's a bad mom. Even though she's been there for you through it all. Father sucks. You met nice people, people with degrees, people with different stories who all had one thing in common. Because of circumstances beyond their control they were in this situation. They didn't asked for this, nor or they stupid for being in said situation. You are made friends with two girls from your school, who you other would have never spoken to, but being homeless and in the same shelter, you had something in common. One night you and family, plus your your friends family were all sent to the same over night. You had sort of a sleep over.

But you also met disgusting people, mostly the employees in the EAU. The mice and the roaches were better suited to help, at least they have some human decency compraed to these people.

But I digress, you move into your new apartment on May 14th 2004. First night there, you wake up at about 6 waiting for the a knock at the door, you realize there wont be one. You didnt have a lot of furniture. But it was home. You still live there, its not the best place to live, sometimes you can't make ends meet, but its better than not knowing where you are going to sleep that night, atleast you can take a proper bath, you can sleep as late as you want, you can eat and know you wont get sick afterwards. You're still dealing with some issues, but you're fairly happy considering, you've grown up a lot. You have pets, a great mom and great friends and your apartment is not exactly Trump Towers but its home and that the important thing, You have a home.

This is my story. All you read was what happened to me. I dont mind talking about it. I'm not ashamed. So, if you hve questions you can ask me. I dont mind I just felt I needed to talk about it. Since I've been going through kind of a rough patch. Kitty knows what I'm talking about. Anyways, even with all my problems, I know I have it better than most people. Atleast I'm not homeless anymore. I don't know what happened to the people I met in EAU (I only know about the two friends) I hope the people I don't know about anymore are ok and arent going through homelessness or any hardship for that matter. Even though being homeless was horrible, if it hadnt happened I wouldn't have grown like I have. I guess its kind of a double edge sword. It was horrible but it was a learning experience, one that I dont wish on anyone.

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