Alternate uses for the Bible
Offline I just posted something in another thread that led me to think - how many of us have bibles laying aroud - especially those of us who used to be Christian? Keeping one around to refute is good, and maybe if theres an old one that's worth something or a family heirloom or whatever too. But for regular ones or ones that asshats leave at the door/with the paper what can you do besides throw away or recycle? So here's a list of things to do with them. Feel free to add:
1. Cheap toilet paper
2. Cheap paper towel substitute (wipe up minor spills, etc)
3. Kindling
4. scrap paper
5. shred pages for cheap confetti
6. Desecrate for youtube video
7 Hiding place for valuables (hollow out inside pages)
8. Edit out the stupid/evil passages, change words, etc to try to make a rational/good version (might be a pamphlet instead of a book by then.)
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One of my mother's friends had a hollowed out bible he kept his gun in. The sword of the lord indeed..
Psalm 14:1 "the fool hath said in his heart there is a God"-From a 1763 misprinted edition of the bible
Argument from Sadism: Theist presents argument in a wall of text with no punctuation and wrong spelling. Atheist cannot read and is forced to concede.
The problem with this post, is not that I disagree with it. But, we all know there are hyper sensitive PC atheists and Christians who will shout, "YOU SHOULDN'T SAY THAT".
Lets put these morons (not all ) but just the "you hate me" idiots, in their place.
We are not blasphemous because we litterally hate all Christians. We blaspheme like this to SHOW the absurdity of the "sacredness" of ANYTHING.
To Christians reading this? Do you think your reaction is any different than that of a Muslim who blows a gasket over a cartoon?
South Park, for example, has poked fun of gays, Christians, Muslims, Jews, blacks, criples, and YES, ATHEISTS.......AND I AM A HUGE FAN!
Why, not because I value hate or bigotry. Because I am a fan of being able to bitch without someone else thinking I want to kill them.
"We are a nation of Christians and Muslims, Jews and Hindus -- and nonbelievers."Obama
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My wife and I used to desecrate Christian tracks. We'd replace all references to Jesus or God or The Lord or what-have-you with "Elvis." It makes them strangely compelling, and fairly readable.
"Accept Elvis into your life. You can only be saved by the grace and love of Elvis!" That might be kind of fun to do to the whole Bible, if you are obsessive-compulsive.
"Yes, I seriously believe that consciousness is a product of a natural process. I find that the neuroscientists, psychologists, and philosophers who proceed from that premise are the ones who are actually making useful contributions to our understanding of the mind." - PZ Myers
Over christmas I actually went looking for my old bibles while I was at my parents place. I couldn't find them at all. Considering how believing my parents are, I found this damned amusing.
Organised religion is the ultimate form of blasphemy.
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I used to use an old bible as ciggarette paper whenever I ran out of zig zags and couldn't be assed going to the dairy to buy any more. Which is just pure laziness, and and unforgiveable. Plus smoking's a dirty habit. Don't smoke, kids.
Wish in one hand, shit in the other, see which one fills up first.
I'll fill the cover of one with blank pages and ask the religious to read me some of it next time they come knocking on my door. Then when they give me a puzzled look I'll say, "I believe all that already. Don't you?"
"The Bible looks like it started out as a game of Mad Libs" - Bill Maher
If that book weren't so damn expensive I would destroy mine slowly. I found some one time at the dollar store in town and before I thought of buying them for a bible burning party, some fundy made a request to purchase all bibles so that they may be disposed of properly, whatever that means. I wish I would have jumped on them as soon as I saw them.
Well you could always do what i do, i have a burning barrel out back of my house and whenever i feel like burning something i use crumpled up bible paper to get it going. I never can get as good a fire going anywhere else other then my house when using that, it works sooo well...
As mentioned in #3 of my original post.
Matt Shizzle has been banned from the Rational Response Squad website. This event shall provide an atmosphere more conducive to social growth. - Majority of the mod team
Seriously, I belong to the "weapon against Christianity" school of thought.
But, not so seriously....
1. Coasters!
2. Cleaning charcoal grills
3. Kindling...especially as a counter-protest to those who burn other books
4. An extra or two to trade in for...ahem..."certain magazines," if the opportunity arises
That's all I can think of, for now
Conor
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"Faith does not fear reason."--Pope Pius XII
"But it should!"--Me
The best use I've come up with is to keep a bible near the front seat of my car. Why? Well, I like to speed on the highway (by like 20-30 MPH) so I typically run a higher than normal risk of getting pulled over when I drive. I also happen to live in Georgia. So in the event that I get pulled over by a cop I make sure that the bible is in a place that they see it, maybe throw in a couple "god bless" or other Christian rhetoric, and hopefully get off easy. I haven't gotten to try it out yet but knowing how most people down here view strong faith I'd be surprised if it doesn't save me a few bucks. I doubt it'll work every time but I think it will help in those situations where getting out of a ticket is possible.
Last time I stayed in a hotel i found the Gideon's and in the spot in the front where they have quotes and passages you should read I added some of my favourites. The more distasteful phrases in the bible.
Zen-atheist wielding Occam's katana.
Jesus said, "Suppose ye that I am come to give peace on earth? I tell you, Nay; but rather division." - Luke 12:51
1. Something for short people to stand on for a better view.
2. Something to hurt people/ smash windows with (i.e. a brick)
3. Biofuel.
4. A torture device (by way of extreme papercuts!!)
5. A mallet
6. A poop scoop.
7. A doorstop
8. Something to read and laugh at
9. Recylable waste
10. A dildo for women who've had a lot of children!
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