OMFG
Offline So...my Aunt sent me this shit today.
How can a woman not love the Lord?
He is a gentleman,
He is confident
He is a provider and protector
He is rich and powerful
He owns everything, there is nothing He wouldn't do for me
He perfects all things concerning me
He anticipates my wants and needs
Every day He tells me and shows me how much He loves me
I don't have to perform in order to earn His love
He keeps all of his promises
No one can influence His opinion of me
He is the ultimate intimate partner
He can't 'disown' me because I am a part of Him
He prepares a table before ME
He covers me and doesn't expose me
He wrote his loving words down so that I'll never forget how He feels about me!
NOW THAT'S LOVE!!!
Any man, who wants pointers on how to love a woman, should study GOD!
Wake up every day and thank God for being the best 'man' in your life!
I mean, really. It's pretty easy!
I wish my family would stop living in a dreamworld. Why won't they stop sending this shit!? I don't know about you, but the perfect man for me, first of all, actually fucking exists! He also likes to converse with me, party, sex me up, cook real food for me, and doesn't tell my father that he can sell me into slavery!
Sorry for the rant. That is all.
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I hate those fucking spam e mails. I sometimes reply to them.
That's just one of the reasons I have cut off contact from certain members of my family.
Those are very irritating. My sister in law sends stuff like that too.
Out of curiosity, has God paid your power bill recently? You might mention to your aunt that he's delinquent on quite a bit of money owed to you.
Hmmm... had any zits lately?
Damn skippy for him. Please refer back to the bit about delinquency.
I've heard battered wives say the same thing.
Except that if you don't suck Jesus' balls (metaphorically, of course) he won't let you into his playground when you die. Sounds like he wants a performance to me.
You mean like providing for all your needs? See above.
So?
Maybe this is a little too personal, but when's the last time Jesus gave you an orgasm?
Creepy
What's for dinner? Can we have a big RRS banquet where god makes some Kobe beef magically appear?
I like my women naked.
Sounds like a stalker
Atheism isn't a lot like religion at all. Unless by "religion" you mean "not religion". --Ciarin
http://hambydammit.wordpress.com/
Books about atheism
ExACTly! I'm totally in debt, I get the occasional zit, I have to cook (or my sweet bf does), and NO, Jesus has NEVER given me an orgasm! That's why I dumped him!
Yes, I like to be naked, too.
Makes me want to go through line by line and put a line or two from the bible that refutes it.
For example:
He is a gentleman,
If a man sells his daughter as a servant, she is not to go free as menservants do. - Exodus 21:7
Or
He keeps all of his promises
You will never be rebuilt, for I the LORD have spoken, declares the Sovereign LORD. (referring to Tyre) - Ezekiel 26:14
Son of man, Nebuchadnezzar king of Babylon drove his army in a hard campaign against Tyre; every head was rubbed bare and every shoulder made raw. Yet he and his army got no reward from the campaign he led against Tyre. - Ezekiel 29:18
All that is necessary for the triumph of good is that evil men do nothing.
Yes, I have relatives that send me shit like this in e-mail. It sure is nice to have more than one e-mail account.
Yeah, that makes sense. Fellas? Want to be the 'Mr. Right'? No problem:
Yeah, that Yaweh, he's so date-able.
"Anyone can repress a woman, but you need 'dictated' scriptures to feel you're really right in repressing her. In the same way, homophobes thrive everywhere. But you must feel you've got scripture on your side to come up with the tedious 'Adam and Eve not Adam and Steve' style arguments instead of just recognising that some people are different." - Douglas Murray
I was thinking of doing exactly that earlier today. I got as far as this below and stopped because looking at all the horrors in the bible was just too sickening...
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
How can a woman not love the Lord?
He multiplies my sorrow during childbirth (Gen 3:16)
He is jealous (Gen 20:5 and others)
He utterly destroys every man, woman (including pregnant ones) and child and animal in many cities that "offend" him. (too many to list)
He demands to be loved above all others and for living things to be burnt as a sacrifice in his honor. (too many places to list)
When he's really pissed he might drown the entire world, every man, woman and newborn child, every Bambi and bunny...except for a handful of favorites.
He kills tons of people, innocent people, and then when bystanders complain that he's killed innocent people he kills them too and the entire city they came from.
Sometimes when he's ordained some killing he makes sure to not have the cities virgin girls killed, them he wants the army to have as a prize. But pregnant women, he specifically instructs that their wombs be ripped open.
Jeez...I can't go on...I was going to do this thing I started above
and I'm looking through all of the atrocities and horrors in the bible
and its just too much. It is horror after horror after horror.
Atrocity and injustice gone wild. The bible has to be the most
horrible book ever written.
explain to me how you changed the text color... ive been trying for months on this site, everything i can think of (which isnt much) and get nothing -_-
What Would Kharn Do?
<font color="red">Wouldn't</font> <font color=orange>you</font> <font color=yellow>like</font> <font color=green>to</font> <font color=blue>know</font>
"Anyone can repress a woman, but you need 'dictated' scriptures to feel you're really right in repressing her. In the same way, homophobes thrive everywhere. But you must feel you've got scripture on your side to come up with the tedious 'Adam and Eve not Adam and Steve' style arguments instead of just recognising that some people are different." - Douglas Murray
/facepalm... stupid html
I hound, stalk everyone of those kind of e-mailers .... I attract them, but then they often repel, usually to eventually come back with less dogma ....
Thanks RRS for the extra ammo
I got background color, but where is the text color thingy ???
Edit , hey the color didn't post ???? WTF ?
nor any fronts
Atheism Books.
i received a hilarious email about a month ago, now i wish i had saved it. it listed off several well known people/celebrities who had spoken out against religion/god, such as john lennon, and then told how each one of them had died a tragic death shortly after bad mouthing religion. then it made some snotty remark about how the "lord" doesn't appreciate such criticism and people like that "get what they deserve". it was both disgusting and funny.
considering some of the videos i've posted on youtube, and according to that logic, i should have suffered a horrific death several times over. i guess i'm not famous enough for "god" to want to make an example out of me.
www.derekneibarger.com http://www.youtube.com/profile?user=djneibarger "all postures of submission and surrender should be part of our prehistory." -christopher hitchens
You forgot genocide.
"Faith, Faith is an island in the setting sun,
but proof, proof is the bottom line for everyone."
Proof, Paul Simon
Nothing this hard should taste so beefy.
I've gotten this one as well. I thought it interesting that they never mentioned the xtian types that died horrific deaths. How many 'stong xtians' have died in car accidents, plane crashes, murder, earthquakes, floods, or 9-11 for fuck's sake! I mean, really. Come on now.