My first personal religious attack
Offline So I was at the Bier Markt (and yes it is spelt correctly) in Toronto (and at a Fionn McCools) drinking the night away with friends discussing various topics (blood alcohol levels, tolerance and what should be considere drunk to politics and of course women) so after this drinking night we are heading back to my friend place to drink some coffee and sober up.....while walking down Front street some woman just comes up to me and starts yelling at me that I am the devil...not the other guys...but me. She's ranting and raving about how I am the devil and I am evil. My friends kinda try to avoid her and damn they are good friend shielded me from her. However this being carribana weekend we get all these US vistors.....and how do i figure she is from the US, the car she jumped in after I tried to explain to her why I am not the devil (not rich, better looking or fucking a playboy model) was New york license plates. Now I swear she was drunk....but then again i was drunk to. But seriously do I look like the fuckind devil, i mean sure i have devilish charms and all but I didn't think I looked like the devil. could be I am an atheist...but I didn't wear anything indicating I am an atheist...jeans and a CK shirt. What a fucked up night.
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OH you DEVIL you!
Dude, women can become crazy after a few drinks!
OR
Maybe she has you pegged for a member of the New Jersey Devils? Do you play hockey?
OR
Did she overhear your conversations with your friend? Did you say something nasty about women?
Slowly building a blog at ~
http://obsidianwords.wordpress.com/
pff... plenty of explainations for this...
its a girl you hit on in the bar
your evil
an ex you didnt recognize
your the devil
a girl you didnt hit on in the bar
--
Take you pick
And next time, admit to being evil, and the devil... as you can plainly see, acting innocent doesnt get you nookie
What Would Kharn Do?
You are not alone dude. One time, I was on the dance floor whilst inebriated and moments after the song ended this chica comes over to the bar, where I was sitting, and gets real ugly with me... no "hello, nice to meet you" or anything even close. My buddy had gone out to his car, so I pretty much had no back-up. She starts rattling on about me on the dance floor, and if I was dancing with the devil, and if I was the devil. This was totally out of left field cause she couldn't have known anything about my lack of beliefs.
Well, I made the big mistake of saying through my laughter that I didn't have a belief in the devil, to which she countered with something about me not believing in god and then she started throwing shit at me. Her purse, her cigarette case which fell out of her purse, and a couple of giant heavy plastic ashtrays from the bar....one of which sliced my ear open. She then started to crown me with a bottle but paused with her arm drawn back just long enough for me to say...'damn woman, that's a cheap-ass brew but are you sure you want to waste it all on little old me', and I no sooner got the last word outta my mouth when two other girls grabbed her from behind. One yanked her arm back and nearly off and the other pretty much tackled her. They wrestled for a few minutes (with the lady beertender getting into it as well) and seeings as no mud was around(which would have improved the spectacle) I walked out the door.
My buddy standing outside, sick as a ____, mind you, and he looks at me, blood dripping down the side of my cheek and says, "dang man, that's gonna need some stitches". Turned out I didn't need stitches but I've got a tiny scar now from that night.
Next time I saw her, she was a lot less drunk and so I felt comfortable enough to call her the church lady and mimicking the SNL Dana Carvey character. I took her out on the floor for a superior dance and she just laughed and bought me a couple of drinks. So I guess it ended ok, we are friendly to each other on the rare occasion when our paths cross.
Satan and I often go out drinking together and, funnily enough, he has never once been assaulted by a drunk female. Bastard isn't great at remembering when it's his round either - but I suppose that's par for the course for the lord over all that is evil and master of ultimate darkness etc etc.
Contrary to reports his "hit" rate with the chicks is pretty woeful. He's getting on a bit now, done the wild oats thing and all that, and is desperately looking for a woman who will believe in him. He keeps attracting nuns, Marilyn Manson fans and females who foam at the mouth (often all the same person).
He's banned from most dancefloors too, by the way - those hoofs are murder on the parquet.
I would rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy
he-he good stuff, Nordmann
Next time you guys are out tell him to stop looking for a woman that believes in him.
A) He'll prolly have better luck.
B) His memory may return.
C) Stay out of Atheist only clubs where she can't possibly exist.
Naw we never said anything nasty about women....ok other than they are all crazy, but it just comes down to degrees...however that was at my friends apartment, she was completeliy random, she was coming from the opposite place from...and about 6 blocks to far from where we were at....just totally random, she was an african american (Caribana weekend attracts about 1 million people and a lot from the US) and I have never seen her....and trust me I have this really good memory for remembering every woman i have slept with, or had any form of relationship with.....it's a curse and a boon....no matter how much alcohol is involved. So I have no clue who she was or what was going through her head.....however now it was interesting to say the lest, and yeah i feel for you states fellows if you have crazy religious folks like this. However now I am definitately going to play this one up when we all go out next weekend..... >:D
I passed on the advice, Wonko. He's happy enough with A) and B) - even Satan knows the value of a good shag now and then with someone who hasn't copped the alarm mechanism on their biological clock yet. But here in Oslo C) is a big problem. The nearest thing we have to a non-atheist nightclub is run by some fundamentalist muslim Pakistanis down on Ship Street (they haven't needed to believe in a metaphysical repository for all evil since they invented Sharia Law), but the only problem is that women are barred from the premises and a suspiciously high number of the remaining clientele are missing their left hand.
I would rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy
That's odd, since it's the right hand that's chopped off for a first time theft offense (2nd is left foot, 3rd is head.)
Matt Shizzle has been banned from the Rational Response Squad website. This event shall provide an atmosphere more conducive to social growth. - Majority of the mod team
Theft? Theft? Emm, yes, Matt.
*Fundy VisionTM On*
*Fundy VisionTM Off*
There, I think that is what you might look like to New Yorkers who have had too much to drink. Maybe when religious folks drink that is what all us atheists look like.
No one has ever had a religious crazy person attack against me, but at my school one evening there was a drunken man walking/stumbling around and he was yelling incoherently at god. Though he seemed mad at god, so perhaps he was more of any angry theist than a true believer.
"You say that it is your custom to burn widows. Very well. We also have a custom: when men burn a woman alive, we tie a rope around their necks and we hang them. Build your funeral pyre; beside it, my carpenters will build a gallows. You may follow your custom. And then we will follow ours."
British General Charles Napier while in India