Pope vs Rabbi
Offline Several centuries ago, the Pope decreed that all the Jews had to convert to Catholicism or leave Italy. There was a huge outcry from the Jewish community, so the pope offered a deal. He would have a religious debate with the leader of the Jewish community. If the Jews won, they could stay in Italy; if the Pope won, they would have to convert or leave.
The Jewish people met and picked an aged and wise Rabbi to represent them in the debate. However, as the Rabbi spoke no Italian, and the Pope spoke no Yiddish, they agreed that it would be a 'silent' debate.
On the chosen day the Pope and Rabbi sat opposite each other. The Pope raised his hand and showed three fingers.
The Rabbi looked back and raised one finger.
Next, the Pope waved his finger around his head.
The Rabbi pointed to the ground where he sat.
The Pope brought out a communion wafer and a chalice of wine.
The Rabbi pulled out an apple.
With that the Pope stood up and declared that he was beaten, and that the Rabbi was too clever. The Jews could stay in Italy.
Later the Cardinals met with the Pope and asked him what had happened?
The Pope said, 'First I held up three fingers to represent the Trinity He responded by holding up one finger to remind me there is still only one God common to both our beliefs. Then, I waved my finger around my head to show him that God was all around us. He responded by pointing to the ground to show that God was also right here with us. I pulled out the wine and wafer, to show that God absolves us of all our sins. He pulled out an apple to remind me of the original sin. He had beaten me at every move and I could not continue.
Meanwhile, the Jewish community gathered to ask the Rabbi how he had won.
'I haven't a clue' said the Rabbi. First he said to me that we had three days to get out of Italy , so I gave him the finger. Then he tells me that the whole country would be cleared of Jews and I said to him that we were staying right here.
'And then what?' asked a woman.
'Who knows?' said the Rabbi. 'He took out his lunch so I took out mine'
"It is far better to grasp the universe as it really is than to persist in delusion, however satisfying and reassuring" -- Carl Sagan
- Login to post comments
Funny
Thanks~
Topher I'm so using this. Thanks.
A christian priest, rabbi and a muslim shiek are all walking through the forrest one afternoon when they stumble across a lake. They decide to go swimming, but don't want to get their gowns wet. Seeing as it was almost sunset they agree that nobody else will be in the area and it would be safe to leave their gowns by the side of the lake and go skinny dipping.
When they return to the shore, their gowns are all missing. They quietly sneak their way back in to town. As they're approaching the priests house they round a corner to find themselves facing a group of young children. The priest and shiek cover their groins while the muslim covers his face and they all run off as quickly as they can. When they finally get to the priests house the priest and shiek as the Rabbi "Why did you cover your face? You discusting man, you stood there and let those poor childrens innocence be lost by leaving yourself exposed to them." to which the Rabbi replies "My friend, I covered my face as that is the part MY congregation would recognise."
Organised religion is the ultimate form of blasphemy.
Censored and blacked out for internet access in ANZ!
AU: http://nocleanfeed.com/ | NZ: http://nzblackout.org/
Nice joke. I think you accidentally called the Rabbi a muslim at one point, but I got it in the end.
Topher, that was great!! I will tell that joke.
Atheist Books
A certain Rabbi is very worried: His own son wants to go to Jerusalem and become a Christen. He consults another Rabbi. Once the story is related the second Rabbi say "Oiy!!Now that you mention it, my son wants to go to Jerusalem and become a Christen. Near to panic stricken, they run to a third Rabbi. When the story is revealed the third Rabbi, slapping his head says "Oiy! Now that you mention it, my son also wants to move to Jerusalem just to become a Christen. Let us ask God for guidence."
The Three Rabbis drop to their knees and pray: "Oh lord our sons want to go to Jerusalem to become Christens; what ever should we do?
And God speakith: "Oiy! Now that you mention it my son wants to go to Jerusalem to become a Christen."
"Very funny Scotty; now beam down our clothes."
VEGETARIAN: Ancient Hindu word for "lousy hunter"
If man was formed from dirt, why is there still dirt?
A priest, a rabbi, and a minister walk in to a bar. The bartender says "What is this, a joke?"
"We are the star things harvesting the star energy"
-Carl Sagan
A preist, a rabbi and an imam walk into a bar. A bystander later commented "You'd think at least one of them would have ducked!"
"Anyone can repress a woman, but you need 'dictated' scriptures to feel you're really right in repressing her. In the same way, homophobes thrive everywhere. But you must feel you've got scripture on your side to come up with the tedious 'Adam and Eve not Adam and Steve' style arguments instead of just recognising that some people are different." - Douglas Murray