Jesus Take The Wheel
Posted on: January 28, 2009 - 7:06pm
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Jesus Take The Wheel
I have just discovered that my home town - Cumbernauld, Scotland - has a christian radio station. It is now my favourite cultural train-wreck. It has such a heady mix of genuine (wasted) talent, christian propoganda and zeal that I can't resist listening in the morning on the bus.
This morning I heard the song Jesus Take The Wheel. Maybe this has already been a thing in the States, but I absolutely pissed myself laughing at this thing. It may as well be called "Relgion is abdicating all responsibility to Jaysus". I love it.
M
Forget Jesus, the stars died so that you could be here
- Lawrence Krauss
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Every car you see with a cross hanging from the rear-view mirror...be afraid, be very afraid...
Slowly building a blog at ~
http://obsidianwords.wordpress.com/
That's real safe, letting a 1st century Palestinian with absolutely no driving experience take control of a car.
"The whole conception of God is a conception derived from ancient Oriental despotisms. It is a conception quite unworthy of free men."
--Bertrand Russell
So now you get to deal with a slice of what has been going on over here for way too long. Check out this little ditty from the 70's: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SO5Y1OuQIxo
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I have screamed the phrase "Jesus take the wheel" several times in my life, but always for the same reason, and with slightly more urgency than in the song. It was always when I was driving with a friend or two and happened to drop whatever beverage was between my legs. This leads to a series of swerving, jerking motions and for me to throw a terrified, wet crotch look at one of my buddies and scream, "JESUS! TAKE THE WHEEL BEFORE I CRASH THIS THING!"
Carrie Underwood (who sings this song) is from a town about 45 miles from where I live. I have had to hear this song a million times in the past couple years, whether I like it or not. It's horrible.
"So far as I can remember, there is not one word in the Gospels in praise of intelligence." - Bertrand Russell
Stewie: Yay and God said to Abraham, "you will kill your son, Issak", and Abraham said, I can't hear you, you'll have to speak into the microphone." "Oh I'm sorry, Is this better? Check, check, check... Jerry, pull the high end out, I'm still getting some hiss back here."
The guy who founded the church/cult I grew up in did so in part because an angel saved him from a car crash. Apparently the angel saved him from crashing in order to get this guy to bring the true word of god to others. At least that's what he said the angel said. Good times.
"I am that I am." - Proof that the writers of the bible were beyond stoned.
I said here before that I live in the Bible Belt of California, there are numerous Xtian radio stations here. I tune in for a chuckle every once in a while. Carrie Underwood is more mainstream than what they play on the stupid Xtian stations here. The music is so lame and talentless. Every time I hear a dumb Xtian song it reminds me of the South Park episode where Cartman decides to form a Christian rock band, Faith Plus One! Haahaha. You can find and watch the whole episode on Comedycentral.com, Season 7 Episode, Christian Rock Hard. Very funny.
Has the NOTW phenomenon caught on anywhere else but in California? If it hasn't, be on the look out for these bumper stickers and apparel. Every other car (it seems like) has a NOTW which stands for 'Not of This World.' There is even a store in our local mall dedicated to the entire line of NOTW. I believe, all though I am not certain because I don't care, that it is a Bible quote, (I just looked it up Colossians 2:8, apparently the store is called C28). What really gets me is it seems that the whole Jesus fish isn't enough. Why can't Christians just be Christians? Why do they need to identify themselves to everybody? Are they saying, watch out! I'm righteous? They need to make faith 'cool' again by giving it a different tag line and hip logo.
I want to create a parody line called NOYM, Not of Your Minds.
Heathensrule!
I deny the existence of the Holy Spirit!
I've been the passenger in that situation more then I care to remember. I guess my response should be"JESUS! WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING!?"
After eating an entire bull, a mountain lion felt so good he started roaring. He kept it up until a hunter came along and shot him.
The moral: When you're full of bull, keep your mouth shut.
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I couldn't get more than 20 seconds in, I have this aversion to Country Music and couldn't listen anymore. But i usually just say the words oh shit when i am driving. Whether it is good or bad i just usually say Oh shit. My mom won't ride with me anymore because i don't attempt to keep a conversation. Really bad that they need a 2000 year old man to try and drive a car. He would probably put his foot down and because of the decay in his bone it would probably break off and jam the gas to the floor causing more problems than solutions...
Glad to know someone else has been there.
"So far as I can remember, there is not one word in the Gospels in praise of intelligence." - Bertrand Russell
Stewie: Yay and God said to Abraham, "you will kill your son, Issak", and Abraham said, I can't hear you, you'll have to speak into the microphone." "Oh I'm sorry, Is this better? Check, check, check... Jerry, pull the high end out, I'm still getting some hiss back here."
I can almost hear our last President hummin' this tune w/ his "I'm a fake cowboy" hat all askew and chokin' on a potato chip....
Take a good look at the last eight years and an economy on the brink of collapse and you can see the results of lettin' Jayzus take the wheel !!
That should have been his friggin' theme song..
"In a time of universal deceit, telling the truth becomes a revolutionary act."
George Orwell
There's some great advice for acing a driver training course.
'So what should you do when your vehicle goes into a skid?'
'Oh, I'll just ask Jesus to drive for me. He's magic!'
- Leon Trotsky, Last Will & Testament
February 27, 1940
Minor correction, he chokes on pretzels. And cock.
"Faith, Faith is an island in the setting sun,
but proof, proof is the bottom line for everyone."
Proof, Paul Simon
Nothing this hard should taste so beefy.
I lasted about 8 seconds. It was enough for me. Jesus take the wheel. How can I even being to comment on this. Well, it's outta my hands now. Hopefully I'll end up alive. However, if I don't or if I do, i'll have Jesus to thank for it. Such delusion doesn't even deserve my thought.
god -- I tried you on for size.... you were a little long in the crotch, loose in the waist, short in the length and you made my butt look extra flat. I had to take you back for an exchange.