Mother Goose: Candid Edition
Offline Something Mr804 inspired in Skype that I found somewhat amusing:
Just take one of the standard Mother Goose nursery rhymes and say it candidly, without a rhyming scheme. It's pretty funny to think that this is the stuff that gets read to kids in elementary school.
Two examples:
Peter, Peter, Pumpkin Eater
Peter, peter pumpkin eater, had a wife but he was a fucking weirdo who ate pumpkin, so she wouldn't sleep with him.
So he locked her up in his basement and raped her.
Little Jacker Horner
Little Jack Horner was eating some good old American apple pie his mom had baked for Christmas. He suddenly stuck in his thumb, tore-out the shriveled and blackened heart of communism, and said, "Fuck you, you Goddamn pinko socialists!"
Have fun. 
"Natasha has just come up to the window from the courtyard and opened it wider so that the air may enter more freely into my room. I can see the bright green strip of grass beneath the wall, and the clear blue sky above the wall, and sunlight everywhere. Life is beautiful. Let the future generations cleanse it of all evil, oppression and violence, and enjoy it to the full."
- Leon Trotsky, Last Will & Testament
February 27, 1940
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Twinkle, twinkle, little star,
How I wonder what you are.
Are you light shining through black construction paper
or are you what Grandma says you are - Gods Light!
I don't know so I will go with what Grandma says!
Slowly building a blog at ~
http://obsidianwords.wordpress.com/
One little, two little, three little Indians
Four little, five little, six little Indians
Seven little, eight little, nine little Indians
Ten little Indian boys.
Here come the settlers of early America ready to slaughter each and every one of those little indians that didn't convert to Christianity and give up their land!
Ten little, nine little, eight little Indians
Seven little, six little, five little Indians
Four little, three little, two little Indians
One little Indian boy.
Slowly building a blog at ~
http://obsidianwords.wordpress.com/
Jack and Jill went up the hill,
Each had a buck and a quarter.
Jill came down with $2.50
The fucking whore
There was an old woman who lived in a Roman Catholic shoe.
She had so many children that she did not know what to do with them all.
So she sold most of them to Barbary slave traders.
Baa baa black sheep,
have you any wool?
Yes sir, yes sir, three bags full.
One for my master and one for his dame,
One for the little boy who lives down the lane,
And what is pink on the inside for when Thomas Jefferson is in town.
Old mother Hubbard went to her cupboard
to give her poor dog a bone.
When she bent over, then Rover took over
And gave her a bone of her own.
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