How to selfhelp to improve sense of compassion when one is 50+ years old?
Posted on: April 16, 2009 - 3:29am
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How to selfhelp to improve sense of compassion when one is 50+ years old?
I am looking for a self help book (mindful meditation, exercise, practice or what have you) that can improve my own sense of compassion. Problem is, I am afraid; my brain might already too imprisoned by 50+ years of upbringing, programming in a certain way. It is not that simple to change.
Do any of you know any book, website, or anything that can help me improve sense of compassion even by little bit? I want to see a noticeable change in 6 months or so.
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Welcome to the forum!
What about community service?
http://www.volunteermatch.org/
Our revels now are ended. These our actors, | As I foretold you, were all spirits, and | Are melted into air, into thin air; | And, like the baseless fabric of this vision, | The cloud-capped towers, the gorgeous palaces, | The solemn temples, the great globe itself, - Yea, all which it inherit, shall dissolve, | And, like this insubstantial pageant faded, | Leave not a rack behind. We are such stuff | As dreams are made on, and our little life | Is rounded with a sleep. - Shakespeare
compassion is wholely over-rated... stay with cold and heartless!
I know what you mean. I'm still deprograming the hillbilly inculcations I suffered.
Have you looked in Amazon.com ?
But what is "mindful meditation"?
People who think there is something they refer to as god don't ask enough questions.
I regularly war with the Self-Hurt industry...my best reccomendation would be Dr Keith Ablow...he seems to be the most honest, non biased and rational one in the genre
www.RichWoodsBlog.com
Why would you feel like you need extra compassion?
Wait, you're pulling our legs, aren't you?
Saint Will: no gyration without funkstification.
fabulae! nil satis firmi video quam ob rem accipere hunc mi expediat metum. - Terence
No, I am not pulling your leg.
Not always, but at time, i felt like I have been very impolite, arrogant, disrespectful to others. I looked down on people because they were, in my view, either incompetent, logically unfair, had low intellect or poor for their own fault. Of course, I thought I am correct in arguments. I do not believe that I was wrong but I do believe that probably I souldn't be soo harsh and/or in showing my arguments so clearly that other feel offended, embarased, and shame. Obviously, when people are cornered, rightly or wrongly they will attack back. Obviously they won't like me.
Therefore, I want to be more compassionate and understanding of other's inferiority (as I see it) wealth, intellect, values.
Why?
Show compassion to those who you deem worthy of it, hell with the rest. Showing compassion for the sake of showing it is probably worse, and more offensive, then being a completely heartless and cold bitch all the time. (ahem, present company excluded)
What Would Kharn Do?
Gotta say: this is a tough one for me to answer. There aren't that many people who like me, so I'd be the wrong one to ask about being friendlier.
However, what you may be going through is just a normal mid-life crisis. Not everyone is going to like you, but it's pretty jarring to find out how many people either don't like you or are indifferent. I'd say don't worry about the people who don't like you, frankly. There are probably plenty of people who do.
If you're actually being mean to people, then obviously I can't condone that. But if you just have a bit of an attitude, and clear personal boundaries, I can't see the problem. Ever hang out with old Russians? They're complete pricks, but they won't bullshit you. And the sense of humour is a riot.
So I'm not recommending being arrogant and disrespectful (frankly, I don't know why you would take advice from a 32-year-old, I'm just answering the question) but there are A LOT of stupid people around. If you're noticing that you don't like stupid people, go back to university. That's what I did, and pretty much everyone is smarter than I am there, which is a much better feeling that being surrounded by idiots.
Saint Will: no gyration without funkstification.
fabulae! nil satis firmi video quam ob rem accipere hunc mi expediat metum. - Terence
Jews stole the land. The owners want it back. That is all anyone needs to know about Israel. That is all there is to know about Israel.
www.ussliberty.org
www.giwersworld.org/made-in-alexandria/index.html
www.giwersworld.org/00_files/zion-hit-points.phtml
Ha! That's a good one!
Agreed. Stoic and detached is the way to go!
After eating an entire bull, a mountain lion felt so good he started roaring. He kept it up until a hunter came along and shot him.
The moral: When you're full of bull, keep your mouth shut.
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I don't see any reason to make a middle ground for people that are entirely irrational.
It just doesn't seem condusive to anything positive.
In my book, if someone is a theist good for them. If they try to convert me though, then it's on.
I live in the bible belt, so the latter happens more often than I'd like. I can't even go out to eat without someone passing out jesus pamphlets to try and convert me and get me to go to their church.
Theism is why we can't have nice things.
I don't know of any self help books that could help you, but maybe a few thoughts from my own life will be helpful.
I also went through a phase where I was very judgmental and quite harsh towards people I deemed as "beneath me," intellectually. This phase, ironically, coincided with my fundamentalist Christian phase, when I was most certainly NOT at the height of my intellectual potential.
I think it's pretty funny that you've asked this question after commenting on my free will essay. The concept of free will has been rather instrumental in my own transformation into a warm fuzzy Rambo Kittyl of human kindness. (Seriously, I am a much more compassionate person than I used to be.) It also didn't hurt that I dated a social worker for several years, and got to see first hand how situations can dictate a person's life.
Consider that everyone -- yourself included -- is completely defined by a combination of gene expression and environmental stimuli. (What else could there be?) Nobody wakes up one morning and says to themself, "Self, I think I will aspire to be an ignorant prick who elicits derision and hatred, and who sabotages every intimate relationship he has." I don't care much for the word "victim" anymore. Instead, I like "product." When I was most unlikable, I was a product of religious indoctrination and a false perception of my own value to the world. If it makes you feel warm and fuzzy inside, you can say that I was a victim of religion, but why bother? I was where I was, and there was nothing I could do about it.
Once you realize that every moment in a person's life is a potential fulcrum, it becomes easy to see the value of compassion. Rather than deride someone for being stupid, why not attempt to be helpful and kind, and try to educate them? In my life, a few friends put up with my stupidity long enough to help show me that Christianity was stupid. Had they just been arrogant and condescending, I'd probably still be a Christian. Arrogance begets arrogance and kindness begets kindness (in general).
Atheism isn't a lot like religion at all. Unless by "religion" you mean "not religion". --Ciarin
http://hambydammit.wordpress.com/
Books about atheism