Poem: When God Died
Offline When God Died
When I was a boy, I had an imaginary friend
always there, and always willing to lend a hand
my aide de camp, my fellow champion
of benevolent experience and faith
that things would be ok, you see
I cried a lot as a kid.
And it's not why i didn't have very many friends
because I always had him
like the better halfs of Santa, Spider-man
and most of all myself, all rolled into
some captain planet conglomeration of company,
and fraternity,
ready to be called if grief started digging
my grave of pure childlike lament
to lend a hand, on my hand
helping me out of the pit
of self-pity and resignation
to my part in a play of cruel intentions
He was my, Imaginary friend
The only one I ever had
Not just there when times were bad
I had a tendency to dawn him in gratitude
and the better half of my soul
that saw the beauty of being selfless and compationate
He, was my savior, from myself
because even at six, sadness with lonesome grief can send
you searching for the gallows of guilt you don't understand
or deserve
and life's just better with company,
nothing compares to the company
of two brains synchronizing synapses slippin'
threw reality's cracks, and escaping the curse
of solipsism or the fear of death
twining two worlds wrought with a touch actually true
Satisfying the inherently lonely souls
of a minds imaginary friend
that might as well be real
And, I guess it should be said that he's now dead
my brothers slow dying rasp, of questions he refused to answer
about who we are, what we are, or why,
and with suddenness and Cheyne stoked terror,
truth, honesty, and intelligence
impale his side with a spear
and clouds come of darker days ahead
because he was the antithesis of my new master, truth
breeding in me an artist's need to know
what's real and why
the new leader of this lonely road,
but with the spirit of intrepidy in my gait
as tears stream down my face
and my pace gradually gains speed
into the moonlit night of the unknown.
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Sanity is not statistical ~Orwell~
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Now, here is a perfect example WHY you should be yourself and soak in everything and not take my word for anything. KEEP IN MIND I am only speaking for myself.
I did not like this particular poem, but that is just me. For my taste it was not broken up enough and some of your imagery was lost on me. HAVING SAID THAT, others may read this, get it, and like it. So don't take my word for anything. I am not your voice or your teacher.
I saw pockets of it that I liked, but over all, it wasn't my cup of tea. That is just me though.
"We are a nation of Christians and Muslims, Jews and Hindus -- and nonbelievers."Obama
Check out my poetry here on Rational Responders Like my poetry thread on Facebook under Brian James Rational Poet, @Brianrrs37 on Twitter and my blog at www.brianjamesrationalpoet.blog
So what parts in particular were to introverted or unclear? I just want your opinion i know to be myself^^ It would help a lot to know what parts it gives me more perspective, because I want to get this one ready for the next slam. thx
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Sanity is not statistical ~Orwell~
Oh boy, I really am trying to explain this to you. It doesn't matter. I bet if you let enough people read this very same poem, what you will see is a variety of opinions. In the end YOU have to decide, not me. I make it my policy not to give advice, because I have seen far to many times with others, that what I like, someone else might not, and what I don't like, someone else might.
All I can say is I didn't like this particular one. I did like others that you posted here. To me that is the way it works. I have no doubt that if enough people read this one you posted here, you will get people who liked every aspect of it.
I am not your guide or your mentor. Time and exposure to other's works and exposing your own work to others is your guide. Do not hinge your writing on the advice of any one person, especially not me.
"We are a nation of Christians and Muslims, Jews and Hindus -- and nonbelievers."Obama
Check out my poetry here on Rational Responders Like my poetry thread on Facebook under Brian James Rational Poet, @Brianrrs37 on Twitter and my blog at www.brianjamesrationalpoet.blog
I'm not looking for a mentor. I would take your advice as the subjective view that it would be. But it's cool I like your honor at making me find my own way. hard core poet^^ I think i'm starting to finally see what you mean hahaha!
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Sanity is not statistical ~Orwell~
You really do have to find your own way, otherwise you will allow your insecurities to make you second guess everything you do. I have always found that it is better to miss and not worry about missing because sometimes you do hit.
You could look at it like photography. The good ones come at the cost of clicking thousands of times. Just write, and worry about fixing it if you want to fix it. I have gone back and read stuff and thought to myself "what the fuck was I thinking". And other times I have written stuff that I said to myself and others have said, "don't change a thing".
I am not a good one to give advice other than to say to find your own way. When it is good, you know it, when it sucks you have to be willing to say it sucks. But then again, sometimes what someone else says sucks, you might like. There is no magic bullet to this. The reality is that you have to expose yourself to all sorts of things over a long period of time.
I think it is a balance. You don't want to write "hickory dickory dock" "see spot run" garbage. But at the same time you don't have to write "dog whistle" poetry so high pitched with words with 50 syllables.
My best advice is jump in, expose yourself to a variety, and be yourself.
"We are a nation of Christians and Muslims, Jews and Hindus -- and nonbelievers."Obama
Check out my poetry here on Rational Responders Like my poetry thread on Facebook under Brian James Rational Poet, @Brianrrs37 on Twitter and my blog at www.brianjamesrationalpoet.blog