Poem on why christians want to spread the gosple.
Posted on: January 4, 2010 - 4:30am
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Poem on why christians want to spread the gosple.
Follow me to death brother.
Here we are faithful and true
looking at the sky, In solipsistic solitude
My brothers, My sisters I need you
To be like me, To think like me
So when silence gait, gallows in the wind
we can wager with pascal
In the tormented, essence of selfishness
and fear, because together we are true.
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Sanity is not statistical ~Orwell~
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Your poetry makes me feel like I'm standing in a breezy field under the moon in October. Chills run down my spine and I'm a little bit frightened, but that's overshadowed by the sheer beauty of it.
wow thank you for the compliment! I have quite a bit of stuff I don't want to over load the section but I'm glad you appreciated it^^ ill probably be posting more soon.
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Sanity is not statistical ~Orwell~
Your meter was off. Your couplets were not a couple. Your imagery had low resolution..........
Sorry, couldn't resist poking fun at critics.
If someone gets the message, which I did, that to me is what counts. Another good job.
I don't think poetry has to be what I like to call "dog whistle" poetry, where you pull words out of a Harvard dissertation. It shouldn't be "see spot run" either. But what counts to me is the message. It doesn't do anyone any good if you write something they cant understand.
Keep them coming.
"We are a nation of Christians and Muslims, Jews and Hindus -- and nonbelievers."Obama
Check out my poetry here on Rational Responders Like my poetry thread on Facebook under Brian James Rational Poet, @Brianrrs37 on Twitter and my blog at www.brianjamesrationalpoet.blog
haha yeah It doesn't surprise me that my meter was off. I'm totally ignorant of traditional poetry rules, citations or tools.
My philosophy on poetry is simple this:
1.) it's all about assonance, and a general sound-feel.
2.) write what I know, in a subjective physiologicaly emotive sense, leaning more to to concepts than imagery while negating neither.
3.) develop my writing organically, as in no rules, just my voice in free form.
These are actually slam poems as well meant for spoken word.
But thanks for the info my brain is a sponge I'll take any and all advice!^^
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Sanity is not statistical ~Orwell~
Jebus kristos dude, I was kidding. I liked the poem. I have no criticisms of it. I was poking fun at my critics. And never take advice from me on this subject. I am not an expert. I strictly call them as I see them. If I like it, that is what matters to me.
I have had enough experience with other poets face to face in real life to know that you are not going to please everyone all the time. I had one critic in a poetry group whom EVERYONE made fun of because he was so snooty and anal. There were other's poems that 99% of the group would like, while he sneered at it. The poets in that group I belonged to all had poems I liked and others I didn't understand. So it wasn't the person, but the individual poem. I too had many people who liked individual poems of mine, while not liking others. For me it is a crap shoot. Sometimes I get lucky.
Your poems are fine and you can take advice from others too. I don't offer advice on this subject because I have seen poems trashed by one person and hailed by the person next to them, and have liked individual poems from those same people while not liking others from those same people.
I can only say, for myself, that I liked this one. But I will not judge you over all based on one poem, even if I didn't like it. In this case, I did.
I think it is ok to judge a poem, but false to assume that because one bombs that all that that person writes will bomb. Most of what I have read from others I get a mix of liking some and not liking others.
"We are a nation of Christians and Muslims, Jews and Hindus -- and nonbelievers."Obama
Check out my poetry here on Rational Responders Like my poetry thread on Facebook under Brian James Rational Poet, @Brianrrs37 on Twitter and my blog at www.brianjamesrationalpoet.blog
i can't resist the urge to show off either. here's one i wrote just the other day along the same lines:
.....................................
the best bar in the city
is made entirely of wood
rough wood
rough people
a small kerosene heater in the winter
everyone in padded denim
and flannel coats
thick fingers
sagging faces
laborers
drinking vodka
tea with rum
smoking black virginia
that smells like coal
my wife hates the goddamn place
the other night
we dropped by her friends'
with their jesus-and-mary smiles
they wanted to play charades
and i just felt fucking sick
with the banality of it all
i said i was going out
for more camels
i slipped
into the wooden bar
two blocks away
and i stayed there
for 45 minutes
smelling the coal
the rum
the spilt beer
i read rousseau
just to feel like i was
sticking it to the fuckers
then i went back
without camels
they never even missed me
"I have never felt comfortable around people who talk about their feelings for Jesus, or any other deity for that matter, because they are usually none too bright. . . . Or maybe 'stupid' is a better way of saying it; but I have never seen much point in getting heavy with either stupid people or Jesus freaks, just as long as they don't bother me. In a world as weird and cruel as this one we have made for ourselves, I figure anybody who can find peace and personal happiness without ripping off somebody else deserves to be left alone. They will not inherit the earth, but then neither will I. . . . And I have learned to live, as it were, with the idea that I will never find peace and happiness, either. But as long as I know there's a pretty good chance I can get my hands on either one of them every once in a while, I do the best I can between high spots."
--Hunter S. Thompson
AND YET ANOTHER example of poetry not being either or, black or white.
I thought the bar poem message was fantastic, although the style kinda distracted me. But that is something I am aware of. I focus more on the message than anything else and this message was not lost on me. Good work.
"We are a nation of Christians and Muslims, Jews and Hindus -- and nonbelievers."Obama
Check out my poetry here on Rational Responders Like my poetry thread on Facebook under Brian James Rational Poet, @Brianrrs37 on Twitter and my blog at www.brianjamesrationalpoet.blog
Thats a really good one. I loved the part about your wife hating the place it had this sudden comedic value. It was clear too while maintaining a poetic sound.
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_^.^-
/*.*\
Sanity is not statistical ~Orwell~