My Little Freakout

DrTerwilliker's picture

Today, I started thinking over all the obvious evidence out there in the world against the Christian god's existence. There's enough of it to convince just about anyone with an open mind and a basic understanding of logic. We have the apparent malevolence of God all throughout the Bible, the clear dilemmas created by his very rules for mankind, the vague, crazy, sheer stupidity of "God's Word", the proven ineffectiveness of prayer, the overwhelmingly numerous religions which people submit to with the exact same devotion as Christians do theirs, the proven scientific facts that clearly contradict the Creation story, and on top of all that, the absolute absence of any real evidence for that god's existence. I was going over it in my head, thinking about how I could present it to a Christian, imagining myself delivering the most eloquent, rational, scientifically sound argument against their God I could ever be capable of. Imaginary me was doing everything right, asking the right questions, allowing the Christian subject to draw his own conclusions, not being to pushy or condescending. Then I imagined that I had my fundamentalist Christian parents as subjects.

Anyway, I started tearing up a little. Because I knew that even if I presented these arguments to my parents, and through some miracle, they actually listened, and my dad, for once in my life, didn't interrupt me or yell or hurl insults, even with all the circumstances being perfect, I could never convince them. They couldn't even be persuaded to spend any time reevaluting their faith. Not if I tied them down and read them every book written by Dawkins, not if I showed them videos of all the horrible suffering they must believe their god allows, not if I shape-shifted into George W. Bush and told them to stop believing. There is absolutely nothing I can do for them. Not for them, not for my Christian sister whose personality and intelligence has been obliterated by her conversion, not for millions of the fundies out there. There are so many fucking people who no one can ever help, who will cling to their mean, twisted, egomaniacal little god until the moment of their death, the whole time sure that he loves them and is saving a suite for them in Heaven.

We have everything going for our side, and they have a lunatic book and their "answered prayers" to find a parking space or some trivial shit, and they're still winning, and we're still viewed as amoral crazies warped by Satan. I can't stand it. I can't bear to live in a fucking world like this, where reason is meaningless and bigoted assholes claiming an invisible man is talking to them are respected more than all the smartest people of our time. I don't even know why I should care any more.

But I do. And I desperately wish I didn't. Then my complete inability to change anything in this ugly world wouldn't upset me in the least.

Ugh. Okay, I'm done ranting. Hopefully I'll feel better tomorrow.

 

nicely articulated

That was articulated so well, with such passion. It's how I've felt, and I'm sure others here have felt, many a time (In a general sense that is, my parents aren't fundies).

It is a fucking crazy world, so many seemingly otherwise smart people that beleive the bullshit that is religion.

Remember though that your sister and parents are human beings, their beliefs may infuriate you, but I'm sure they love you, as you do them. Don't give up hope, know that even something as simple as your blog posting here is contributing the cause of creating a more rational world. Bit by bit we can change things. Hang in there.

Hambydammit's picture

If I were a better writer,

If I were a better writer, I could have expressed my feelings the way you have.  This is brilliantly written.  The sincerity and warmth are palpable.  I was both sad and encouraged, because you've described exactly how I've felt about twice a week for the last decade, and that's pretty sad for me to think about.  Even so, it's nice to know there are others.

 

Atheism isn't a lot like religion at all. Unless by "religion" you mean "not religion". --Ciarin

http://hambydammit.wordpress.com/
Books about atheism

Zombie's picture

Sounds like you need a hug.

Sounds like you need a hug. /me hugs

DrTerwilliker's picture

Thank you, cam and Hamby,

Thank you, cam and Hamby, for the compliments!  Writing is kind of the thing I actually think I do pretty well, so it's nice to read some good feedback.  I am feeling somewhat better now, despite my very recent theological debate with my minister father.  He pulled the "atheists are bad because of fascism and communism" card, because, you know, we all want mandated atheism and for the state to replace god, right? And then the phone rang and it had to end.   Gag.

And Zombie, thank you for the hug!  It definitely helps. *hugs back* 

 

lazuli13's picture

Good job expressing it...

The situation is one that I think many of us share. You write well, I think this helped me realize some of my frustration that I could not express (in such a positive way). This world does seem like a big insane asylum, and that is depressing.